7 things a narcissist does when you realize they can no longer use you

Recognizing a narcissist’s true colors can be an eye-opening experience. It’s that moment when you realize they have been using you all along for their gain.

When you finally put your foot down and decide they can no longer manipulate you, their reactions can be quite revealing.

A narcissist will always have a game plan up their sleeve. And knowing what they are likely to do next can save you a lot of emotional turmoil.

In this article, I’ll share seven things a narcissist might do when they realize they can no longer use you. These insights can help you stay one step ahead in this psychological chess game. So, buckle up, because things are about to get interesting.

1) They play the victim

One of the first tactics a narcissist might resort to is playing the victim.

When they realize they’ve lost their grip on you, they’ll often try to flip the script. All of a sudden, they’re the ones who have been hurt, who have been wronged. They’ll craft elaborate tales of how they’ve been mistreated or misunderstood.

This is a classic manipulation tactic, designed to make you question your actions and potentially feel guilty about standing up for yourself. It’s an attempt to regain control by making you the ‘bad guy’ and them the ‘victim’.

But remember, this is just a ploy. You’re not in the wrong for establishing boundaries and refusing to be used. Don’t let their victim act sway you from your resolve.

2) They try to win you back with grand gestures

In my personal experience, narcissists can turn the charm on like a switch when they realize they’re losing their hold over you.

I recall a time when, upon realizing their usual tactics weren’t working, a narcissist in my life showered me with attention and gifts. They made grand gestures, saying it was their way of showing how much they valued me.

At first, it was easy to get swept up in the romance of it all. But soon I realized, this was just another strategy to regain control. It was not about valuing me, but about maintaining their own power and influence.

If you find yourself being wooed by a narcissist who’s suddenly pulling out all the stops – remember, it’s likely not about you. It’s about them trying to regain their lost power.

3) They resort to character assassination

When a narcissist realizes they can’t use you anymore, they often resort to character assassination. They may start spreading rumors, telling lies, or undermining your reputation.

There’s a psychological term for this – ‘projection’. It’s a defense mechanism where someone denies their own negative attributes and ascribes them to others. It’s a way for the narcissist to deflect blame and criticism away from themselves and onto you.

While it can be distressing to hear the things a narcissist might say about you, remember it’s more of a reflection of them than you. It’s their way of dealing with their own insecurities and failings by projecting them onto you.

4) They give you the silent treatment

Another common tactic narcissists use when they can’t manipulate you anymore is the silent treatment. They may ignore your calls, not respond to your messages, or even act like you don’t exist when you’re in the same room.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation intended to make you feel guilty or anxious. The idea is to make you so uncomfortable that you end up apologizing or giving in to their demands just to end the silence.

But everyone deserves respect and open communication. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, and you don’t have to tolerate it.

5) They start comparing you to others

I’ve found that when a narcissist realizes they can’t manipulate me anymore, they often start comparing me to others. Suddenly, they’re full of stories about how someone else is better, more caring, or more understanding.

It was a hard pill to swallow. It left me feeling inadequate and questioning my worth. But I realized it was just another manipulation tactic.

They were trying to make me feel less than so I would work harder to win their approval.

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6) They threaten to harm themselves

A particularly alarming tactic some narcissists use when they realize they can’t use you anymore is to threaten self-harm or even suicide. It’s a desperate and dangerous move designed to manipulate you back into their control through guilt and fear.

This kind of emotional blackmail is serious and should not be taken lightly. If a narcissist threatens self-harm, it’s important to involve professionals who are equipped to handle such situations.

It’s not your responsibility to manage their emotional wellbeing at the cost of your own mental health. Always prioritize your safety and well-being first.

7) They may try to sabotage your future relationships

The final thing to be aware of is that a narcissist may attempt to sabotage your future relationships. They might spread lies to your friends, family, or even your new partner to create discord and isolate you. This is their way of trying to maintain some form of control over your life.

You have the power and the right to build healthy, supportive relationships. Don’t let the narcissist’s attempts to create chaos deter you from moving forward and finding happiness.

Final thoughts: The path to healing

Realizing and acknowledging that you’ve been in a manipulative relationship with a narcissist is a significant first step in your healing journey.

Remember, their actions and reactions are not a reflection of your worth but rather their inability to empathize with others and their need to control.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic personality disorder, underscores that it’s essential to establish and maintain boundaries. She rightly points out that, “It’s not your job to fix them, change them, communicate with them, or understand them. You are allowed to leave the table when respect is no longer being served.”

As you navigate your way forward, remember to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed. You have the strength within you to reclaim your life and find happiness again.

May your journey be filled with courage, resilience, and hope.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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