I remember a period in my early career when I constantly felt exhausted but couldn’t pinpoint why.
I got enough sleep, squeezed in my morning runs, and kept a balanced diet. Yet every time I had lunch with a particular colleague or spent a weekend around a certain acquaintance, my motivation dipped.
Later, I realized these individuals were draining my emotional reserves in subtle ways.
Maybe you’ve experienced something similar—a sense of fatigue that sets in after you leave someone’s presence, even though they never did anything overtly toxic.
This subtle fatigue can come from everyday interactions with people who rely on specific, repeated behaviors that chip away at your mental and emotional well-being.
Below, I’ll walk you through 7 common behaviors that go unnoticed at first, but can add up to a real drain on your energy.
1. They overshadow your achievements
I once worked alongside someone who would brush past any good news I shared, only to hijack the conversation with their own accomplishments.
At first, I didn’t think much of it — maybe they were just enthusiastic about their work.
But it grew into a pattern: any time I had something worth celebrating, they’d respond with a bigger story about themselves.
This left me feeling unheard and oddly deflated.
In many friendships and workplace relationships, you might come across folks who do this without intending harm. They might see it as friendly one-upmanship or casual conversation.
Over time, though, it can make you feel like your wins don’t matter. This sends an unspoken signal that your victories are less significant, which undermines confidence and gradually saps your enthusiasm.
2. They complain constantly but resist solutions
Nobody is immune to frustration.
I’ve definitely shared my complaints with a trusted friend now and then.
What becomes energy-draining is when someone continually complains about the same issue, week after week, yet never shows interest in fixing it.
These are the individuals who crave attention and sympathy but don’t want to change anything about their situation.
Maybe you’ve had a colleague who always moans about the workload but refuses to tweak their approach. Or a relative who constantly gripes about not having enough time but never considers delegating tasks or adjusting priorities.
Engaging with this pattern is like trying to fill a bottomless cup. Each conversation can feel futile because the person isn’t looking for actual solutions.
You spend your emotional bandwidth offering ideas, yet they dismiss every one of them. But in the end, you walk away depleted, and the problem remains exactly the same.
3. They sabotage your boundaries
I learned the importance of boundaries later in life.
In my 20s, I’d say “yes” to projects even when I was completely swamped, let a friend crash at my place for months, or answer late-night calls when I really needed to sleep.
Over time, I realized that the people who drain us most effectively often ignore or undermine boundaries. They might text relentlessly when you’ve asked for some space or show up uninvited.
The moment you try to reclaim control, they act offended or confused, as if your boundary were unreasonable.
Analysts at the Mayo Clinic confirm that understanding and respecting personal limits is key to managing stress.
When someone repeatedly dismisses your limits—no matter how kindly or clearly you state them—they’re contributing to your emotional exhaustion.
A friend or coworker who can’t respect your “no” can end up pulling you away from essential self-care, leaving you running on empty.
4. They never celebrate your growth
People who genuinely care about you usually show joy for your achievements, big or small. But there are those who remain lukewarm or even critical no matter how far you’ve come.
This lack of acknowledgment can be subtle: maybe they gloss over your progress in conversation or respond to your excitement with half-hearted comments.
At first, you might not even label this behavior as draining, but you notice you don’t feel as good about your successes when you’re around them.
Data shared by Greater Good underscores how having supportive social connections can boost your resilience to stress. If you’re surrounded by individuals who withhold that sense of support, you start to question your worth and your progress.
That uncertainty gradually chips away at your confidence and drains your zest for personal growth.
5. They fish for sympathy with vague claims
Have you ever had that friend who posts cryptic messages on social media or drops vague hints in conversation, waiting for you to pry details out of them?
A while back, I had an acquaintance who regularly sent “I’m not feeling so good” texts without explaining the problem.
After a while, I realized they wanted attention, but they didn’t actually want a conversation that might lead to a resolution. They wanted ongoing sympathy without having to share specifics or consider potential solutions.
This emotional fishing often happens in subtle ways.
They might sigh dramatically when you’re around or offer small clues that something’s wrong, but never provide clarity. It can be emotionally taxing because you’re left in the dark, trying to guess how to help.
Instead of honest communication, you get a long string of concerns with no real endpoint. Meanwhile, your own emotional capacity shrinks each time you attempt to offer compassion that’s met with ambiguity.
6. They bring up past issues repeatedly
One thing is for sure: dwelling on the past can hamper progress.
Some individuals go a step further: they continuously rehash old conflicts, disappointments, or grudges, reviving tension long after an issue should have been resolved.
Perhaps you resolved a misunderstanding weeks ago, yet they keep bringing it up whenever they need leverage or want to shift the blame.
I experienced this firsthand with a former coworker who, whenever a new challenge arose, dredged up every old mistake I’d made. It caught me off guard because I assumed we had already moved on.
At some point, I realized that bringing up the past was a manipulation tactic, designed to put me on the defensive.
Brené Brown emphasizes that openness and honest dialogue help build stronger connections. In the words of Brown, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
But rehashing the past in a way that closes you off is a surefire route to draining your spirit. Instead of promoting vulnerability, it promotes guilt and anxiety.
7. They show up only for their convenience
We all know someone who seems to appear out of nowhere when they need a favor or some help, then disappears the moment you could use support.
Early in my writing career, I encountered people who were enthusiastic about “collaborations” but only when they got something out of it.
These interactions often felt lopsided. I’d spend time and energy helping them with their goals, expecting at least a little reciprocity somewhere down the line.
Yet whenever I needed something—an introduction, feedback, or just moral support—suddenly they had “too much on their plate.”
This transactional approach can go unnoticed initially, because you assume they’re just busy or dealing with life’s curveballs.
Eventually, though, you see the pattern: they’re consistently absent when you need anything beyond a quick hello. That slow realization can be incredibly draining.
You might start questioning the authenticity of the relationship and feeling used.
Seth Godin once wrote, “You can’t be seen until you learn to see,” which to me means we sometimes need that jolt of clarity to recognize these unequal dynamics.
Once you see the pattern, it becomes hard to ignore how it erodes trust and leaves you feeling taken advantage of.
Breaking free with a healthy awareness
After personally dealing with each of these behaviors, I’ve become more intentional about who I spend my time with.
It’s tempting to dismiss a subtle pattern or make excuses for people, but consistent exposure to these behaviors can undermine your motivation, mental health, and personal growth.
Recognizing them is a step toward better boundaries and healthier connections.
If a coworker, family member, or friend shows these patterns, it doesn’t automatically mean you should cut them out of your life.
You can start by having an honest conversation about what’s bothering you. Some folks might be unaware of their draining habits and be willing to adjust.
Others may show you who they really are once confronted. Either way, knowledge helps you decide how to protect your energy in the long run.
A gentle challenge:
I challenge you to reflect on at least one relationship in which you feel consistently depleted. Pinpoint which of these seven behaviors might be at play and consider how you can address it—whether by setting firmer boundaries, making your feelings known, or seeking a different dynamic altogether.
Small steps often lead to significant improvements in emotional well-being.
Here’s to your next step forward!
