5 unique traits of people who grew up feeling ugly, according to psychology

For most of my life, I’ve been captivated by the quirks of the human mind.

Sure, my name is Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and admittedly a bit of a psychology nerd. But my fascination isn’t just academic.

Growing up, I always felt like the odd one out – the ‘ugly duckling,’ if you will.

And this deeply ingrained feeling impacted my life in ways I never fully understood until I delved into psychology.

I was always intrigued by those who seemed to share my experience. What unique traits did we develop as a result of growing up feeling ‘ugly’?

How did this perception shape our personalities, our behaviors, our relationships?

In this article, I’m going to shed some light on these questions. 

1) Heightened sensitivity

One of the first unique traits that psychology highlights in people who grew up feeling ‘ugly’ is heightened sensitivity.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though it often stems from a rough start. Growing up feeling less attractive than others can make you more aware of other people’s feelings. Why? Because you’ve been there. You know what it’s like to feel left out or overlooked.

This heightened sensitivity might mean that you’re more attuned to others’ needs and emotions.

You might be the person who always knows when a friend is having a bad day, or the one who can tell when someone just needs to talk.

On the flip side, this sensitivity can also make you more vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback.

You take things to heart more easily or worry excessively about what others think of you.

2) Strong resilience

Another trait often developed by those who grew up feeling ‘ugly’ is a remarkable resilience.

I remember in high school, I was never the guy who got picked first for anything. Whether it was sports teams or group projects, I was usually left until last.

At first, it was tough. I felt rejected and unwanted.

But as time passed, I found that these experiences were actually building my resilience. Each rejection was a lesson; each disappointment, an opportunity to bounce back stronger.

There’s a quote from the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers that resonates deeply with me: “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

Growing up feeling ‘ugly’ often means dealing with rejection and disappointment, which can be incredibly tough.

But these experiences also give you the chance to develop resilience, to learn how to pick yourself up after a fall and keep going.

This resilience can serve you in all areas of life, helping you to bounce back from setbacks and handle adversity with grace and determination.

And while it might have been born out of challenging circumstances, it’s a trait to be proud of.

3) Deep self-awareness

Growing up feeling ‘ugly’ often leads to a journey towards deep self-awareness.

I remember spending countless hours in front of the mirror, analyzing every perceived flaw, every imperfection.

It was a painful routine, but it also forced me to confront myself on a level that many people avoid. This constant introspection led me to become incredibly self-aware.

I became conscious of my strengths and weaknesses, my thoughts and feelings, and how I reacted to different situations.

It was during one of these introspective moments that I realized my love for psychology.

I found it fascinating how our thoughts and feelings shape our behavior, and how understanding ourselves can lead to personal growth and improvement.

This self-awareness has been a double-edged sword. Yes, it often came from a place of self-criticism and dissatisfaction.

But it also allowed me to identify my passions, understand my motivations, and ultimately steer my life in a direction that felt right for me.

If you’ve grown up feeling ‘ugly’, you may have embarked on this journey of self-awareness earlier than most.

And while the path may have been steeped in pain and struggle, the insights and understanding gained from it are invaluable.

4) Authenticity and empathy

One surprising trait often found in those who grew up feeling ‘ugly’ is a deep sense of authenticity and empathy.

I’ve always valued authenticity, both in myself and others. Perhaps it’s because I spent so much of my youth feeling like I was on the outside looking in.

This sense of being ‘different’ forced me to forge my own path and stay true to myself.

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A real-world study backs up this observation. Research suggests that people who felt unattractive during adolescence tend to be more empathetic and understanding towards others.

The study found that these individuals were more likely to engage in prosocial behavior – actions meant to benefit others.

As for me, I’ve noticed that I have a strong desire to understand and help others.

This empathy extends not just to those who’ve felt ‘ugly’ like me, but to anyone who’s ever felt misunderstood or marginalized. This trait can make you a great friend, partner, and colleague.

So if you see yourself in this description, know that your ability to empathize is a gift—one that makes you uniquely valuable in any social setting.

5) Deep sense of independence

Lastly, a common trait among those who grew up feeling ‘ugly’ is a deep sense of independence.

From an early age, I often felt like I was on my own. I wasn’t the popular kid, and I wasn’t the one getting all the attention.

In many ways, I felt isolated from my peers.

But this isolation also fostered a sense of independence within me. It taught me to rely on myself and find comfort in my own company.

It pushed me to develop my interests and passions, independent of what was cool or popular.

This independence has been a guiding force throughout my life, allowing me to make decisions that align with my values rather than seeking validation from others.

If you’ve grown up feeling ‘ugly’, you might recognize this trait in yourself.

You find that you have an innate ability to stand on your own two feet, to be comfortable in your own skin, and to pursue your dreams with determination and courage.

While it can sometimes feel lonely, this fierce independence is a powerful trait that can drive you towards incredible achievements and personal growth.

Final thoughts

Growing up feeling ‘ugly’ can be tough, and it can leave lasting marks on your personality and outlook on life.

But as we’ve seen, it can also shape you in unique and beautiful ways.

You might have developed heightened sensitivity, strong resilience, deep self-awareness, authenticity, empathy, a sense of independence, an ability to see beauty beyond the surface, and even an unexpected sense of optimism.

So if you can relate to this experience, take a moment to appreciate the unique traits you’ve developed. They’re a testament to your strength and resilience.