I think we all carry around a little piece of childhood, like a faded Polaroid tucked away somewhere in our minds.
We grow up, move on, but that lingering need for validation? It doesn’t always leave us so easily.
It’s funny—what we don’t get as kids sometimes has a way of weaving itself into our lives in ways we don’t even see coming.
So, here we are, unpacking the 9 behaviors you might not even realize are connected to that little piece of childhood tucked away.
Ready? Let’s get started.
1) Seeking validation in all the wrong places
When we grow up without adequate validation, we often spend our adult lives seeking it, sometimes from sources that aren’t healthy or beneficial for us.
You see, as children, we rely on our parents or caregivers for affirmation.
It’s how we learn to trust ourselves and our feelings. But when that validation is absent, it can create a void that we strive to fill as adults.
Often, this manifests in seeking approval from others, even at the expense of our own self-worth.
Whether it’s striving for perfection, overachieving at work, or staying in unhealthy relationships, these behaviors are often driven by that deep-seated need for validation.
2) Apologizing excessively
This is a behavior I’ve personally battled with. Growing up, I felt I had to constantly apologize for my existence.
It was as if I was always in the way, always doing something wrong, and it left me with this lingering feeling of guilt.
I found myself saying ‘sorry’ for everything. If someone bumped into me, I’d apologize.
If I shared my thoughts and they weren’t well-received, I’d apologize.
Heck, I’d even apologize when someone else made a mistake.
It was like a reflex, an automatic response to any situation that made me uncomfortable or vulnerable.
It took me a while to realize that this excessive apologizing was a coping mechanism, a way for me to seek validation and avoid confrontation.
Once I recognized this pattern, I started working on it.
It’s okay to apologize when you’re genuinely at fault, but you shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for merely existing or expressing your feelings.
3) Difficulty in accepting compliments
According to research, individuals with low self-esteem often have trouble accepting compliments.
The researchers found that these individuals perceive compliments as threatening, mainly because they contradict their own self-view.
If you grew up without sufficient validation, you might find yourself downplaying or outright rejecting compliments.
Rather than seeing them as genuine praise, you might suspect hidden motives or even feel the need to deflect with self-deprecating humor.
This behavior stems from an internal belief that you’re not worthy of praise or positive attention.
It’s important to understand that everyone deserves recognition for their accomplishments and positive qualities.
4) Overcompensating in relationships
When validation was scarce in your childhood, it’s not uncommon to find yourself overcompensating in your adult relationships.
This could mean going above and beyond to please others, even when it’s to your own detriment.
For instance, you might find yourself always being the one who initiates contact, makes plans, or gives in during disagreements.
This might make you feel needed and valued in the short term, but over time, it can lead to feelings of resentment and emotional exhaustion.
A healthy relationship is a two-way street.
Mutual respect, understanding, and effort are essential.
You don’t always have to be the one giving; you need to receive as well.
5) Fear of rejection
Lack of validation in childhood can result in a deep-rooted fear of rejection in adulthood.
This fear can be so overpowering that it holds you back from pursuing opportunities or expressing your true feelings.
You might find yourself avoiding situations where there’s a chance of failure or rejection.
This could be anything from applying for a job, asking someone out, or even voicing a differing opinion.
The fear of not being accepted can be paralyzing.
However, everyone faces rejection at some point. It’s part of life and often a stepping stone to success.
Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back from reaching your potential.
6) Difficulty expressing emotions
Growing up without validation can often result in a struggle to express emotions openly and honestly.
You may have learned to suppress your feelings as a child, believing that they were unimportant or would be dismissed.
This can carry into adulthood, leading to a tendency to bottle things up or put on a brave face even when you’re hurting inside.
You might be afraid that expressing your true feelings will make you vulnerable to criticism or rejection.
But remember, your emotions are valid and it’s important to express them.
It’s okay to be vulnerable and share how you feel.
It’s not a sign of weakness but a step towards healing and building stronger, more authentic relationships.
7) Constant self-doubt
I can’t count the number of times I’ve found myself questioning my abilities, second-guessing my decisions, and downplaying my achievements.
It’s as if a little voice in my head constantly whispers “you’re not good enough”.
This self-doubt was rooted in my lack of validation as a child.
I was always striving for approval, trying to prove myself, and never quite feeling like I measured up.
This kind of constant self-doubt can paralyze your decision-making, limit your potential, and rob you of joy in your accomplishments.
8) Overachieving or underachieving
Children who lack validation often swing to one of two extremes in adulthood: overachieving or underachieving.
Overachievers tend to push themselves relentlessly, seeking validation through success and accolades.
They might work excessively, always striving for perfection and struggling to accept ‘good enough’.
On the flip side, underachievers might avoid trying altogether, fearing that failure would only confirm their self-doubts.
They may settle for less than they’re capable of, believing they don’t deserve or can’t achieve more.
Both of these behaviors stem from a lack of self-validation.
It’s important to strike a balance – to strive for goals without letting them define your worth.
Your value isn’t determined by your achievements but by who you are as a person.
9) Difficulty trusting others
A lack of validation in childhood can lead to trust issues in adulthood.
If the people who were supposed to nurture and validate you didn’t, it’s not surprising that trusting others can feel like a monumental task.
You might question others’ intentions, expect them to let you down, or struggle to believe they genuinely care about you.
This can create barriers in your relationships and prevent you from forming meaningful connections.
Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship.
And while it’s true that not everyone is trustworthy, it’s important to know that not everyone will invalidate or disappoint you.
There are people who will value, respect, and support you just as you are.
You deserve those relationships in your life.
Reflection
The truth is, our past doesn’t define us; it just gives us a starting point, a map to understand where we’ve come from.
These behaviors we carry? They’re not some unbreakable mold—they’re just pieces of the journey we’ve been on.
And, as they say, once you know your patterns, you get to decide what to keep and what to leave behind.
So, maybe next time you feel that reflexive need to apologize or downplay yourself, take a breath.
Know that your worth isn’t tied to what someone once said or didn’t say.
It’s your journey now, and self-validation? That’s a gift only you can give.
Learn to see yourself through a lens that doesn’t belong to anyone else but you.
Because the real healing comes from letting yourself be seen, even if the first person to do that is you.
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