Narcissism can be a hard shell to crack. So often, narcissists are oblivious to the harm they cause, wrapped up in their own world.
Being around a narcissist can feel like walking on eggshells. Their actions, seemingly harmless to them, can be incredibly hurtful to others.
In this piece, we’re diving into seven habits, actions, or phrases that narcissists use regularly. To them, it’s just part of their personality. But they may not realize how damaging these behaviors can be.
Stick with me as we explore “7 things narcissists do that they don’t realize can be incredibly hurtful”. It’s time for some eye-opening insights.
1) They make everything about themselves
Narcissism, at its core, is a self-centered personality trait. And while everyone has moments of self-involvement, for narcissists it can become an all-consuming habit.
In every conversation or situation, they find a way to steer the attention back to themselves. Whether it’s subtly turning the topic to their own achievements or blatantly disregarding others’ feelings in favor of their own, this habit can be incredibly hurtful.
It’s not that they’re doing it intentionally to cause pain. It’s just that they’re so absorbed in their own world, they fail to see how their actions affect those around them.
They might believe they’re just sharing their experiences or asserting their presence. But what they don’t realize is how this constant self-focus can push people away, making them feel unheard and insignificant.
And trust me, it can be exhausting being on the receiving end of such behavior.
2) They invalidate feelings
Another common trait of narcissists is their tendency to invalidate others’ emotions. This could be in the form of dismissiveness, ridicule, or outright denial that another person’s feelings have any validity.
I remember a time when I was dealing with a tough situation at work. I confided in a friend who I later realized was a narcissist. Instead of empathy or understanding, I was met with phrases like “Oh, you’re just being too sensitive,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.”
At first, I thought maybe they were right, that I was overreacting. But over time, I realized this was their way of undermining my feelings, making me question my own emotions.
They may not do this out of malice. In their view, they’re just offering their perspective. But by doing so, they can unknowingly cause significant emotional harm by making others feel misunderstood and isolated.
3) They gaslight others
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a target, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. It’s a term derived from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.
For narcissists, gaslighting can be a common tool in their arsenal. They might insist that something didn’t happen when it did, or vice versa. The aim? To control the narrative and maintain their image at all costs.
The real kicker? They often don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’re so wrapped up in their own reality that they believe their version of events is the absolute truth.
Imagine being on the receiving end, constantly second-guessing yourself and your experiences. That’s an incredibly destabilizing and hurtful place to be.
4) They lack empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a cornerstone of healthy, positive relationships. But for narcissists, this is often a missing puzzle piece.
They struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes. This isn’t because they don’t want to, but because they genuinely struggle with the concept. Their world revolves around their own experiences and emotions, leaving little room for others’.
This lack of empathy can manifest in many ways – dismissing others’ pain, showing little interest in their experiences, or even belittling their feelings.
The result? A one-sided relationship where the other person feels overlooked and invalidated. And that’s a tough pill to swallow.
5) They never apologize
Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong takes humility. It requires acknowledging your mistake and taking responsibility for it. It’s a simple yet powerful act that can mend bridges and strengthen relationships.
But for narcissists, saying “I’m sorry” can feel like an alien concept. In their minds, they can do no wrong. So why should they apologize?
There was a time when I was deeply hurt by someone I cared about, someone who displayed many narcissistic tendencies. Despite the clear evidence of their wrongdoing, they never once said sorry. Instead, they blamed others and even me for what happened.
It was a hard lesson to learn. Their refusal to apologize wasn’t about me or my worth, but about their inability to see beyond themselves. The damage this behavior can cause is profound, leaving others feeling disrespected and unvalued.
6) They always need to be right
We all like to be right. It’s a satisfying feeling. But for narcissists, being right isn’t just a preference, it’s a necessity.
They’ll go to great lengths to prove their point, even if it means twisting facts or disregarding other people’s opinions. Compromise or understanding another perspective is rarely an option for them.
This stubborn insistence on being right can be incredibly hurtful. It sends a message that their opinions and beliefs are the only ones that matter, and that other people’s thoughts are insignificant.
Such behavior can make meaningful, balanced conversations almost impossible, leading to tension and resentment in relationships.
7) They are excessively critical
The most damaging aspect of a narcissist’s behavior is their tendency to be excessively critical. They have an ideal image of how things should be, and anything less than that is unacceptable.
They constantly critique others, pointing out their flaws and mistakes. Whether it’s about someone’s appearance, performance, or personality, nothing seems to escape their critical eye.
This relentless scrutiny can cause immense emotional distress. It can lower self-esteem and instill a deep-seated sense of worthlessness in the people around them.
No one is perfect. But in a narcissist’s world, anything less than perfect is simply not good enough. And that’s a burden no one should have to bear.
Final reflection: It’s about understanding
Peeling back the layers of narcissistic behavior can be a complex task. They may not even realize the hurt they cause, caught up in their own world of self-importance.
The key to dealing with this is understanding. It’s realizing that their behavior is often a reflection of their own insecurities and fears, not a reflection of your worth.
Renowned psychologist, Dr. Carl Rogers, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This applies to narcissists too. It’s only when they acknowledge and understand their behavior that they can begin to change.
For those on the receiving end of this hurtful behavior, remember – it’s not about you. It’s about them. And sometimes, the best thing you can do is protect yourself and set clear boundaries.
It’s not an easy path to tread, but understanding is the first step towards healing.
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