As human beings, we all have the capacity for narcissistic behaviour to some extent.
However, when these traits become pervasive and damaging, they can lead to a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Narcissists often exhibit a high level of hypocrisy, which can be both confusing and hurtful for those around them.
Hypocrisy, in simple terms, is when someone’s actions don’t match their words. It’s a clear misalignment between what they preach and what they practice. And narcissists are masters at this game.
One of the key things that psychologists have identified about narcissists is their ability to be hypocritical about a range of things. What’s more, they often seem oblivious to their own inconsistencies.
In this article, we’ll delve into the nine things narcissists are often hypocritical about, according to psychology. This will help you identify and understand the behaviours of those with narcissistic tendencies in your life.
1) Grandiosity
A hallmark trait of narcissists is grandiosity, or an inflated sense of self-importance.
They often see themselves as superior to others and have a tendency to overstate their accomplishments, talents, and skills.
However, despite their outward confidence and bravado, narcissists are often deeply insecure. They require constant validation and praise from others to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
This hypocrisy is the cornerstone of their personality – they project an image of strength and superiority while simultaneously fearing that they are inadequate or unworthy.
So, while they may boast about their achievements or put others down to elevate themselves, they are often hypersensitive to criticism and struggle to cope with any perceived failure or rejection.
This behavior can be confusing for those interacting with narcissists as their words and actions often contradict their underlying insecurities.
2) Empathy deficit
Narcissists have a notorious lack of empathy. They often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which makes them seem cold and indifferent.
However, they frequently demand empathy from others, especially when they are going through a challenging situation or when they feel slighted.
They expect everyone around them to understand and cater to their feelings, while they show little to no regard for anyone else’s emotions.
This clear disparity between what they demand and what they give is a classic example of their hypocrisy. Despite their own inability to empathize, they are quick to take offense when others don’t display understanding towards them.
This empathy deficit can lead to one-sided relationships where the narcissist’s needs are always prioritized, leaving their partners, friends or family feeling used and emotionally drained.
3) Craving for admiration
Narcissists are known for their desperate need for admiration.
Often, they go out of their way to gain the spotlight, striving to be the center of attention, and they thrive on the validation and admiration that comes with it.
Yet, oddly enough, narcissists are quick to criticize or belittle those who admire them. They often express disdain for people who flatter them too much or too often, labeling these admirers as sycophants or followers.
This strange contradiction is a part of their complex personality. While they crave admiration and attention, they also distance themselves from those who give it to them too freely.
This can lead to a confusing dynamic where the admirer is left feeling unappreciated and unsure of how to navigate the relationship.
4) Love and affection
There’s a stark contradiction in how narcissists perceive love and affection.
On one hand, they crave it, constantly seeking validation and affirmation from their loved ones. They need to feel desired and important.
However, they often struggle to reciprocate these feelings. They can be emotionally distant, failing to express genuine love or affection towards others. They may be incapable of giving love freely and unconditionally, instead using it as a tool for manipulation.
This hypocrisy can be heartbreaking for those in close relationships with narcissists. They are expected to shower the narcissist with love and affection but seldom receive the same level of emotional investment in return.
This creates an emotionally draining cycle where one is always giving, but rarely receiving.
5) Emotional vulnerability
Narcissists often present a hardened exterior, appearing unaffected by the emotional turmoil around them.
They maintain a stoic facade, seemingly impervious to feelings of sadness, fear, or disappointment.
However, beneath this exterior, narcissists can be incredibly emotionally vulnerable. They experience feelings of insecurity and inadequacy deeply but are adept at hiding these feelings from the world.
This contradiction can make it difficult for those around them to understand their true emotional state.
It’s important to remember that just like everyone else, narcissists have vulnerabilities too. Their seeming indifference or lack of emotional response is often a defense mechanism, a wall they build to protect their fragile self-esteem.
Recognizing this can help in dealing with narcissists more empathetically, understanding that their outward display of strength often masks deep-seated insecurities and fears.
6) Personal growth
We all strive for personal growth, and narcissists are no exception.
They often talk about self-improvement and might even be seen reading self-help books or attending personal development seminars.
However, when it comes to implementing these changes, they often fall short. They are quick to point out areas of improvement in others but are resistant to acknowledging their own shortcomings.
Ironically, while they tout the importance of growth and learning, they seldom practice what they preach. This can be frustrating for those around them, especially when the narcissist is quick to critique others.
This hypocrisy is something many of us can relate to. It’s always easier to see the speck in someone else’s eye than the plank in our own.
However, in the case of narcissists, this behavior is often persistent and can hinder their personal relationships and overall growth.
7) Social etiquette
Narcissists are often sticklers for social etiquette.
They present themselves as sophisticated and cultured individuals who value good manners and decorum.
However, they can also be the ones breaking these very rules when it suits them. They may talk loudly in a quiet restaurant, or cut lines with a breezy disregard for others waiting patiently.
This hypocrisy can be amusing at times, as the narcissist swings between being the epitome of politeness to being the one ignoring basic social norms.
It’s a light-hearted reminder that despite their posturing, narcissists, like all of us, can slip up. It shows that beneath the polished exterior, they too can have their moments of being wonderfully human and flawed.
8) Accountability
Narcissists are often the first to demand accountability from others. They have no qualms about pointing out mistakes and expecting others to take responsibility for their actions.
However, when it comes to their own errors, they are notorious for avoiding accountability. They often deflect blame, make excuses, or outright deny any wrongdoing.
This double standard can be infuriating and damaging. It’s important to remember that everyone, narcissists included, should be held accountable for their actions.
Regardless of their charm or charisma, it’s crucial not to let narcissists off the hook when they mess up. Tough love can be a powerful tool in maintaining balance and fairness in any relationship.
9) Respect
The most crucial aspect to remember about narcissists is their concept of respect. They demand it in heaps, expecting others to treat them with utmost regard and admiration.
However, they often fail to extend the same level of respect towards others. They may belittle people, dismiss their achievements, or ignore their feelings, all while expecting these individuals to maintain a high level of respect for them.
This blatant hypocrisy is a key trait to watch out for. Mutual respect is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Recognize that everyone deserves respect, regardless of how a narcissist might treat you or anyone else.
Don’t let their double standards distort your understanding of what genuine respect looks like.
It’s important to hold onto your own values and continue treating others with kindness and empathy, even when faced with a narcissist’s contradictory behavior.
Final thoughts
Understanding narcissists can be a complex and exhausting task.
If you find yourself dealing with someone who exhibits these hypocritical behaviors, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to understand that their behavior is not a reflection of your worth. You are not responsible for their insecurities or their inability to reciprocate the respect and empathy you offer.
This article is not meant to diagnose anyone in your life as a narcissist. It’s simply intended to provide insight into some of the behaviors that are often associated with narcissistic tendencies.
Recognizing these signs is the first step towards understanding. The next step is deciding what’s best for you. Whether it’s setting boundaries, seeking professional help, or choosing to walk away, remember that your well-being comes first.
Reflect on these points as you navigate your relationships. Remember, everyone deserves respect, kindness, and genuine love.
Don’t let anyone else’s contradictions cloud your judgment or distort your self-perception.
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