13 subtle tactics gaslighters use to make you doubt yourself (and how to deal with them)

Ever had moments where you felt like your memory was playing tricks on you? Or you started questioning your own sanity?

This could be due to a sneaky psychological manipulation called gaslighting.

Gaslighting is when someone messes with your mind to make you doubt your own reality. It’s a tough situation, no doubt.

But don’t worry – we’ve got your back!

We’re unpacking some subtle tactics gaslighters use to make you second-guess yourself.

Not just that, we’re also going to share how to handle these situations.

1) Twisting and reframing reality

This is one of the sneakiest tactics gaslighters use. They twist facts, events, or conversations to fit their narrative. The aim is to make you question your own memory and perception.

Let’s say you’re sure about a conversation you had last week. But the gaslighter insists it didn’t happen that way. They assert their version of events so strongly that you start doubting yourself.

Now, here’s how to deal with it:

Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. You remember things for a reason.

Keep evidence of interactions – emails, text messages, or notes. They can act as your reality check when things get twisted.

2) Constant criticism

Gaslighters have a habit of incessantly criticizing you. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In the beginning, it might seem like they’re just tough critics, but over time this can seriously damage your self-esteem.

Their goal? To make you reliant on their approval and to doubt your ability to do anything right.

So, what can you do about it?

First, know that this criticism is not about you – it’s about their need for control. Try not to take it personally.

Surround yourself with positive influences. People who uplift you and remind you of your worth can counterbalance the gaslighter’s negativity.

Lastly, consider seeking professional help. Therapists and counselors are trained to provide strategies and support to deal with these situations.

Keep in mind, it’s okay to ask for help!

3) Denying their behavior

One strategy gaslighters use is to flat out deny their behavior, even if it happened just a minute ago. They’ll claim they never said or did something, making you question your reality.

I remember dealing with a friend who used to do this. We’d have an argument, and later when I’d bring it up, she’d simply deny it ever happened. She’d say things like, “I never said that,” or “You’re imagining things.” This made me start doubting my own memory.

Here’s how I dealt with it:

First, I started taking some time to reflect on our interactions instead of immediately questioning myself. This helped me trust my own recollections.

Second, I sought support from other friends. They validated my experiences and helped me understand that what was happening wasn’t okay.

In the end, it’s important to trust your own experiences and seek support when dealing with gaslighters. You are not alone!

4) Isolating you from others

Gaslighters often try to isolate their victims from friends and family. Why? Because your loved ones can validate your experiences and help you see the truth.

By cutting off these support systems, gaslighters strengthen their control.

Make an effort to maintain your relationships outside of the one with the gaslighter.

Regularly communicate with your loved ones, and if you feel comfortable, share your feelings with them.

Also, know that there are organizations to help those experiencing emotional abuse. They can provide advice, resources, and sometimes even safe places for those who need it.

5) They play the victim

One of the most confusing tactics gaslighters use is playing the victim. When you confront them about their behavior, they’ll turn it around and claim they’re the ones being mistreated.

This can be incredibly disheartening. You’re already feeling down, and now you’re made to feel guilty too. It’s a tough spot to be in, but remember, it’s not your fault.

They use this tactic to escape accountability and to make you feel like you’re the bad guy. But the truth is, you’re not. You’re just someone trying to stand up for yourself.

In these situations, it’s important to stay firm in your reality. Don’t let their victim-playing make you question your feelings or experiences.

You’ve got this!

6) Using affection as a weapon

Gaslighters can be incredibly manipulative when it comes to showing affection. They use it as a tool to keep you off balance.

They might shower you with love one moment, and then withdraw it the next, leaving you confused and desperate for their approval.

I’ve walked down this road myself. There was a time in my life when I was in a relationship with someone who did this. One moment, they’d be sweet and loving, and the next, they’d become cold and distant.

It felt like an emotional rollercoaster, always unsure of where I stood. It was their way of keeping me on my toes, constantly striving for their affection.

So how did I cope?

I recognized that love is not supposed to be a game of push and pull. It’s about mutual respect and understanding.

I realized my worth was not dependent on their approval. This was a big one for me. It shifted my perspective and gave me the strength to assert myself.

Real love is consistent and does not make you feel uncertain or anxious. You’re worth more than that kind of manipulation.

7) They make you the butt of their jokes

There’s nothing like a good laugh with friends, right? But what happens when the joke’s always on you? When every laugh comes at the expense of your self-esteem?

Gaslighters have a way of using humor as a disguise for their digs. They put you down and then hide behind the guise of “just joking.” And let me tell you, it stings.

It’s a cheap shot, really. A way to belittle you and make it seem like you’re overreacting if you get upset.

So what can we do about it?

First off, know this: it’s okay to not find these jokes funny. You’re not being overly sensitive or lacking a sense of humor. You’re simply demanding the respect you deserve.

Call it out. Let them know that their “jokes” are not acceptable. It’s your dignity we’re talking about here.

You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, always. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

8) They project their actions onto you

Projection is a classic gaslighting technique. This is when gaslighters accuse you of the very things they are guilty of.

For example, if they are being dishonest, they will accuse you of lying.

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Now, here’s an interesting fact: projection is actually a defense mechanism identified by Sigmund Freud. According to Freud, people project their undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else to avoid dealing with them.

So how do you handle this?

Try not to get defensive. Remember, their accusations say more about them than about you.

Stay true to your actions and principles. Don’t let their projections make you doubt yourself.

And finally, seek professional help if needed. Therapists can provide strategies to deal with such situations effectively. You don’t have to navigate this alone!

9) They trivialize your feelings

Gaslighters have a knack for making you feel like your emotions are not valid. They’ll downplay your feelings or outright dismiss them, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

I know this all too well. I had a boss who used to do this. Whenever I’d express my discomfort about something, he’d just wave it off saying I was making a big deal out of nothing. It was frustrating and made me feel unheard.

I realized that my feelings are valid and important. Nobody has the right to invalidate them.

I learned to express my feelings assertively. I made it clear that my emotions were not up for debate.

Always remember, your feelings are valid, and you have every right to express them. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

10) They wear you down over time

The scary thing about gaslighting is that it’s often not a one-time event. It’s a gradual, drip-drip-drip process that slowly erodes your confidence and self-belief.

It’s like being caught in a slow-moving nightmare where you’re made to question everything you know and feel. And the worst part? You may not even realize it’s happening until you’re deep in it, feeling lost and confused.

You’re stronger than you think. Reach out to your support systems, lean on them. Seek professional help if needed.

11) They throw in positive reinforcement

This is a tricky one. Gaslighters aren’t always negative; they throw in compliments and positive comments to confuse you. One moment they’re cutting you down, the next they’re building you up.

This unpredictable behavior keeps you off balance. You find yourself clinging to those moments of kindness, hoping for more.

But let me tell you something – real love and friendship are not built on uncertainty and fear. They are consistent, respectful, and kind.

12) They change the subject

Gaslighters love to change the subject, especially when they’re on the verge of being caught out. It’s a cunning tactic to divert your attention and dodge responsibility.

They may bring up an unrelated issue or start blaming you for something else – anything to avoid being called out.

In these situations, stay focused on the topic at hand. Don’t let them sidetrack the conversation. And most importantly, hold them accountable for their actions.

13) They tell blatant lies

And finally, gaslighters are known to tell outright lies. These blatant untruths are meant to confuse you and make you question what’s real.

It’s tough when someone you trust lies to your face. It shakes you, makes you doubt everything.

But hold on to your truth. Don’t let their lies distort your reality. You know what’s real and what isn’t.

And if all else fails, seek professional help. There’s no shame in needing guidance to navigate through this.

Remember, it’s your life, and you have the right to live it free from manipulation and deceit. Stand strong in your truth!