Narcissists have a knack for making others feel less than.
They do it subtly, often under the guise of caring or understanding, making it hard for you to pinpoint exactly why you’re left feeling inferior.
This tactic is more than just a simple misunderstanding.
It’s a deliberate and calculated way to maintain control and superiority over others, and it can be damaging to your self-esteem and overall well-being.
But, recognizing these phrases is the first step towards regaining your power and self-worth.
So, let’s delve into seven subtle dismissive phrases a narcissist will use, allowing you to identify their tactics and protect yourself from their influence.
1) “You wouldn’t understand”
Narcissists often use phrases that subtly dismiss the knowledge, intelligence, or understanding of others.
One common phrase is “You wouldn’t understand.”
It’s a subtle way to belittle and undermine your confidence in your own abilities and understanding.
This phrase is more than just a statement about a particular topic or concept.
It’s a calculated dismissal, implying that you lack the mental capacity or experience to grasp the subject at hand.
It’s a way for the narcissist to maintain an upper hand in the conversation, keeping you in a position of perceived inferiority.
However, this phrase doesn’t reflect your true abilities or understanding. It’s merely a narcissistic tactic to assert dominance and control.
Recognizing this can help you to not internalize their dismissive attitude, empowering you to maintain your self-worth and confidence.
Remember, it’s not about your lack of understanding; it’s about their need to feel superior.
You have every right to engage in conversation, ask questions, and express your thoughts without facing such underhanded dismissals.
2) “I’m just being honest”
You’ll often hear them say, “I’m just being honest,” after delivering a particularly hurtful or critical comment.
It’s a way for them to justify their harsh words under the guise of truth-telling.
Sadly, I’ve experienced this firsthand. An individual in my life was fond of this phrase, using it as an excuse for their tactless remarks.
It took me some time to realize that honesty should never be used as a tool for making someone feel inferior.
This phrase is a manipulative tactic, designed to make you question your own perceptions and feelings.
The implication is that if you’re upset or hurt by their ‘honesty’, then the problem lies with you, not them.
But remember, honesty without compassion is cruelty. There’s a fine line between being truthful and being hurtful.
As Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston eloquently said, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Clear communication is about expressing your thoughts honestly but also with compassion and empathy, not using truth as a weapon to undermine or belittle others.
3) “You’re too sensitive”
Narcissists use phrases that belittle your emotions or reactions. One such phrase is “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a passive-aggressive way of dismissing your feelings or reactions, making you doubt the legitimacy of your emotional response.
This phrase is demeaning and invalidating, suggesting that your emotions are overblown or inappropriate.
It’s a way to deflect criticism and avoid taking responsibility for their harmful behavior.
In my video on embracing imposter syndrome, I discuss the importance of acknowledging our feelings instead of dismissing them.
The same principle applies here. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to express them.
I encourage you to watch my video to understand better how to navigate such feelings and maintain your self-worth in the face of such dismissive remarks.
As the famous saying goes, “Never let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.”
Remember, your sensitivity is not a flaw but a strength that allows you to experience life deeply and empathetically.
4) “I’m just saying it for your own good”
This one is particularly pernicious because it’s phrased as though the narcissist has your best interest at heart.
However, what they are really doing is disguising their criticism or manipulation as concern or helpful advice.
They use this phrase to justify their harsh words or actions, making you question your own judgment and feel inferior.
This is a stark contrast to one of my deeply held beliefs – that true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives.
In my view, we all have the inherent capacity to make decisions that are best for us.
The phrase “I’m just saying it for your own good” aims to undermine this capacity, making you question your own ability to make decisions and fostering a sense of dependency on the narcissist.
But remember, you are the best judge of what’s good for you.
It’s important to assert your right to make decisions about your life, even if they conflict with the narcissist’s opinions or desires.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
5) “You’re overreacting”
This is a strategic move to make you question your emotional responses, thereby maintaining their control in the relationship.
This phrase can make you feel as if your feelings aren’t valid or that you’re overly emotional or dramatic.
It’s a way for the narcissist to invalidate your experiences and keep you in a state of self-doubt and confusion.
This tactic stands in opposition to my belief in the transformative power of self-awareness and personal growth.
Part of this growth entails acknowledging and validating our feelings, even when others attempt to dismiss them.
When someone tells you that you’re overreacting, it’s essential to remember your right to your emotions.
No one else gets to dictate the validity or intensity of your feelings.
In my video about “the illusion of happiness,” I discuss how embracing our emotions – even the uncomfortable ones – can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and a more authentic life experience.
Here’s the video if you wish to explore this further:
In the words of Brené Brown, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
So own your emotions, they are part of your unique story.
6) “You always…” or “You never…”
The phrases “You always…” or “You never…” are common tools in the narcissist’s toolkit.
These absolute statements are designed to highlight your perceived flaws and mistakes, making you feel inferior and defensive.
The use of absolutes leaves no room for nuance and disregards your efforts to improve or change.
These phrases are not meant to provide constructive feedback but to attack your character, leading you to question your worth and abilities.
However, contrary to the narcissist’s intent, these statements can serve as reminders of our humanity and our capacity for growth.
As I believe, every challenge we face is an opportunity to tap into our creative potential and find innovative solutions.
When confronted with these absolute statements, it’s crucial to remember that we all have the capacity for change.
Mistakes don’t define us. We have the power to learn, grow, and evolve.
As Maya Angelou beautifully said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
7) “Can’t you take a joke?”
The last dismissive phrase on our list is “Can’t you take a joke?”
Narcissists use this phrase to disguise hurtful remarks as humor.
This phrase is manipulative because it shifts the blame from the narcissist’s inappropriate comment to your perceived lack of humor or over-sensitivity.
This behavior undermines your feelings and portrays you as someone who can’t handle a ‘joke,’ even when the comment was intentionally harmful or disrespectful.
It’s a way for the narcissist to avoid accountability for their actions and maintain control.
However, this is where my belief in the fundamental dignity and worth of every individual comes into play.
You have the right to express discomfort when someone’s ‘joke’ crosses a line. It’s not an overreaction or lack of humor; it’s asserting your right to be respected.
In such situations, it’s crucial to trust your feelings. If a comment dressed up as a joke hurts you, it’s not a joke.
Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once profoundly said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
So don’t give them that consent. Stand up for yourself, own your feelings, and demand the respect you rightfully deserve.
Unmasking the narcissist’s language
The subtle language of narcissists is a complex web of dismissal and manipulation, often cloaked under the guise of concern, honesty, or humor.
These dismissive phrases are designed to make you question your self-worth, emotions, and perceptions.
However, recognizing these phrases for what they are – tools for control and dominance – empowers you to reclaim your self-respect and autonomy.
It’s important to remember that these phrases do not reflect your true value or capability.
They are merely tactics employed by narcissists to maintain their superiority.
Whether it’s “You’re too sensitive” or “Can’t you take a joke?”, these phrases are not about you, but about the narcissist’s need for control.
By unmasking this language, we can better protect our emotional well-being, assert our worth, and foster healthier interactions.
In doing so, we align with our deepest values of dignity, empathy, and respect.
As author Shannon L. Alder once said, “A true gentleman is one that apologizes anyways, even though he has not offended a lady intentionally. He is in a class all of his own because he knows the value of a woman’s heart.”
The key takeaway? Never let someone else’s words dictate your worth or identity.
You are more than their dismissive phrases. You are valuable, worthy, and deserving of respect.
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