There’s a world of difference between a partner who truly considers you and one who simply doesn’t.
The difference is in the details, in the small actions that reveal their true feelings. It’s when you start to wonder if your partner really has your best interests at heart.
According to psychology, there are telltale signs to look out for, signs that your partner might be lacking basic consideration for you.
I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but being aware is the first step towards dealing with it.
In this article, I’ll walk you through ten of those signs. So sit tight and prepare for some eye-opening insights.
1) Listen, but don’t hear
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication.
Now, we all know that ‘communication’ doesn’t just mean talking. It’s about being heard and understood.
But what happens when your partner seems to listen, but never really hears you?
This could be a key sign of a lack of consideration. If your partner consistently fails to acknowledge your feelings or doesn’t take your thoughts into account, it could indicate that they’re not giving you the respect and consideration you deserve.
As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgement on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
The absence of this feeling in your relationship might be one of the signs that your partner lacks basic consideration for you.
Remember, having a voice in a relationship is not just about speaking, it’s about being heard.
2) The “me” show
We all know someone who seems to believe the world revolves around them, right?
Well, in my own personal experience, this behavior can sometimes creep into relationships, too.
I remember dating someone who was always the star of our conversations.
No matter what we discussed, it would inevitably circle back to them. Their day, their interests, their achievements. I often felt like a supporting character in my own relationship.
This constant focus on themselves can be another sign that your partner lacks consideration for you.
If your partner fails to recognize your needs and feelings because they’re too focused on themselves, they might be lacking basic consideration for you.
It’s crucial in a relationship to make sure both partners feel seen and recognized for who they are.
3) The art of dismissal
Let’s get real.
We all have our moments of self-doubt, vulnerability, and pain. In those moments, we seek comfort and understanding from our partner. But what if those feelings are dismissed or minimized?
I’ve seen it happen – your fears are brushed off as paranoia, your concerns labeled as ‘nagging’, or your dreams shrugged off as unrealistic. This dismissive attitude can make you feel small, invalidated, and can be a glaring sign that your partner lacks basic consideration for you.
Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown has a powerful quote that really hits home here: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
If your partner dismisses your vulnerability instead of honoring it, you may need to reconsider where you stand in the relationship.
True consideration involves respect for your feelings, even when they’re not easy to deal with.
4) Emotional absenteeism
In a relationship, physical presence is important, but emotional presence is paramount.
I recall a time when my partner was physically there, but emotionally, they were miles away. Conversations felt hollow, laughter seemed forced, and comfort was scarce.
This emotional absenteeism can be a significant indicator that your partner lacks basic consideration for you.
If they’re not investing emotionally in the relationship or seem indifferent to your feelings, it can feel as though you’re in a one-sided relationship.
Without emotional presence and engagement from both sides, resolving conflicts and nurturing the relationship becomes a Herculean task.
It’s a clear sign of lacking consideration if your partner can’t invest their emotions in you and the relationship.
5) The kindness deficit
Here’s a surprising one. Sometimes, the absence of kindness can be more telling than the presence of outright hostility.
In a relationship, kindness should be a given, not a bonus. But what if your partner rarely takes the time to be kind to you?
Small acts of kindness like making you coffee in the morning or asking about your day can speak volumes about their consideration for you.
If your partner lacks this basic instinct to show kindness and alleviate your worries, it could be a sign that they lack basic consideration for you.
After all, consideration and kindness go hand in hand.
6) Unfair criticism
Constructive criticism is a part of any healthy relationship. It helps us grow and better ourselves.
But when criticism becomes constant, unfair, or destructive, there’s a problem.
If your partner frequently criticizes you, especially without balancing it out with positive feedback, it could be a sign they lack basic consideration for your feelings.
It’s one thing to point out areas for improvement; it’s entirely different to incessantly critique and belittle. This includes persistently uplifting, supporting, and respecting your partner, not tearing them down with unending criticism.
Excessive criticism can be harmful and is a clear sign that your partner may lack basic consideration for you.
7) The blame game
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. However, it’s how we handle those mistakes that truly defines us.
I remember being with someone who had an uncanny ability to shift blame onto others, including me, rather than accepting their own faults.
This constant blame shifting can be a sign that your partner lacks basic consideration for you. If they consistently refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead put the blame on you, it can feel like you’re always the ‘bad guy’.
Unfortunately, if your partner is always pointing fingers, they’re missing the opportunity to understand and better themselves.
This behavior indicates a lack of consideration for your feelings and for the health of the relationship.
8) Emotional unavailability
There’s no sugarcoating this one.
If your partner is emotionally unavailable, it can feel like trying to embrace a ghost. You reach out for support, understanding, or just a simple connection, but they’re never fully there.
Emotional unavailability is a significant sign that your partner lacks basic consideration for you.
They may seem distant, aloof, or detached from you and your feelings. It’s not just about being physically present in a relationship, but being emotionally present too.
Emotional unavailability disrupts this balance and shows a lack of consideration for your emotional needs and well-being.
9) The absence of apology
Here’s a counterintuitive one.
Sometimes, it’s not what your partner does, but what they don’t do that reveals their lack of consideration for you.
One glaring example? The absence of a sincere apology.
Apologizing when you’re wrong is a basic tenet of respect and consideration.
But if your partner rarely or never apologizes, even when they’re clearly in the wrong, it shows a disregard for your feelings and the health of the relationship.
A partner who doesn’t apologize is essentially saying they see no need to change or improve their behavior. That’s a clear sign they lack basic consideration for you.
10) The respect gap
Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
I recall a time when a partner’s lack of respect for me became painfully obvious. They’d interrupt me mid-sentence, make decisions without consulting me, or simply disregard my opinions.
This lack of respect can be a significant sign that your partner lacks basic consideration for you. If they don’t value your thoughts and feelings or fail to treat you as an equal, it’s a clear indicator that they’re not considering you as they should.
If your partner doesn’t respect you, it’s hard to build a trusting, loving relationship. It’s a clear sign that they lack the basic consideration that every partner deserves.
Final thoughts
Recognizing the signs that your partner may lack basic consideration for you is an essential step towards understanding the true dynamics of your relationship.
While it’s difficult to confront these realities, being aware of them allows you to make informed decisions about how to move forward.
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, kindness, and emotional support.
If your partner isn’t meeting these basic expectations, it may be time to reassess the relationship and prioritize your own well-being.
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