7 signs someone isn’t actually your real friend, even if they claim to be

My grandad used to say, “A real friend is hard to come by, but even harder to let go.”

Friendship is a beautiful thing, a mutual bond that fills our lives with joy, comfort, and unforgettable memories.

But, what happens when the friendship doesn’t feel quite right?

Let me tell you something.

It could be possible that the person you think of as a friend isn’t really a friend. Yes, it sounds harsh, but the truth often is.

If you’re scratching your head wondering, “How can I tell if someone is really my friend or not?”

Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.

Get ready to delve into the seven telltale signs that someone isn’t actually your real friend, even if they claim to be. This could be an eye-opener, so buckle up.

1) They’re only around when they need something

Let’s be real.

Friendship isn’t a one-way street. It’s about mutual support and care. But what if your ‘friend’ only surfaces when they need a favor or some help?

Well, that’s a red flag.

A real friend is there for you, not just for what you can offer them. They won’t just pop up when they need a ride, or some cash, or a shoulder to cry on, only to vanish until the next crisis.

They’re invested in your life as much as you are in theirs. If this isn’t the case, then maybe it’s time to reconsider who your real friends are.

Remember, a true friend is like a four-leaf clover: Hard to find and lucky to have.

2) You feel emotionally drained after spending time with them

Here’s a thing about friendship.

It should lift you up, not bring you down. But have you ever spent time with a ‘friend’ and felt like you’ve just run a marathon, emotionally speaking?

I sure have.

A few years back, I had a friend who was always negative. Every conversation would revolve around their problems, their complaints, their issues. I would end up feeling drained and miserable after each encounter.

It took me some time to realize that this wasn’t healthy. It was as if my energy was being sucked out each time we met. And that’s not what friendship is about.

A real friend will share their problems, yes, but they’ll also listen to yours. They’ll lift your spirits when you’re down, not drag you down with them. Friendship is about balance, not emotional exhaustion.

3) You find yourself constantly making excuses for their behavior

This one hits close to home.

Ever had a ‘friend’ who consistently let you down, but you always found yourself making excuses for them? “They’re just busy,” “They’re going through a lot,” or the classic “That’s just how they are.”

I’ve been there too.

But let me tell you, it’s not worth it. You’re not doing yourself any favors by sweeping their wrongdoings under the rug time and time again.

A genuine friend respects you and your time. They won’t bail on plans last minute without a valid reason, or forget your birthday, or belittle you in front of others.

You don’t need to carry the weight of someone else’s lack of respect or consideration. You deserve better. Don’t settle for less in the name of friendship.

4) They don’t respect your boundaries

Listen up.

Boundaries. We all have them. And they’re important. They define our comfort zones, our personal space, our ‘me’ time.

But, what if your ‘friend’ doesn’t respect them?

Let’s take this example. You’ve had a long, exhausting day and all you want is to unwind in peace. But there’s this friend who insists on turning up unannounced or bombards you with non-stop messages.

That’s crossing a line.

True friends understand and respect your need for personal space and solitude. They won’t intrude or make you feel guilty for asserting your boundaries.

Friendship is about mutual respect and understanding, not trampling over each other’s personal boundaries.

5) They’re never happy for your success

Here’s something you might not know.

In ancient times, philosophers believed that envy was a sign of weakness and a threat to social harmony. Fast forward to today, and it still holds true, especially in friendships.

Ever noticed how your ‘friend’ reacts when you share your good news or achievements? Do they genuinely celebrate with you or do they downplay it, change the subject, or worse, compare it to their own success?

That’s a telltale sign.

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A real friend is your cheerleader. They’re happy for your accomplishments and are there to celebrate with you. They won’t let their own insecurities or jealousy cloud their happiness for you.

True friendship isn’t a competition. It’s a journey that you embark on together, celebrating each other’s milestones along the way.

6) They don’t stand up for you

It’s a tough world out there.

You’ve had those moments, right? When someone is spreading false rumors about you, or when you’re being treated unfairly. During these times, we often look to our friends for support.

But what if that ‘friend’ stays silent? Or worse, sides with the others?

That can hurt. Deeply.

A real friend won’t leave you hanging in the wind. They’ll have your back, stand up for you, defend your integrity. Because they value you and your friendship.

Remember, it’s in the stormy times that we discover who our true friends are. They’re the ones who shelter us with their support and kindness, not leave us out in the rain.

7) The friendship doesn’t feel equal

Friendship is a two-way street.

Are you always the one reaching out, making plans, and putting in the effort to keep the friendship alive? If so, take a step back.

A balanced friendship involves give and take from both sides. It isn’t one person carrying the load while the other enjoys the ride.

True friends invest equally in the relationship. They value your time, your feelings, and your efforts. They contribute their share to make the friendship work.

Remember, you deserve a friend who meets you halfway on this journey of friendship. Anything less just isn’t fair to you.

The final thought

If these signs resonate with you, it might be time to evaluate your friendships.

But don’t despair. This isn’t a reflection of your worthiness of friendship or love. Rather, it’s an opportunity for growth.

Start by acknowledging what you deserve in a friendship. Equality, respect, and genuine care are not too much to ask for. They’re the foundations of any solid relationship.

Reflect on your relationships. Are they serving you, or are they draining you? Are they lifting you up, or pushing you down?

Remember, it’s okay to choose who gets a seat in your life’s front row. You deserve friendships that enrich your life, not complicate it.