Have you ever found yourself wondering if your relationship is really where it should be?
It’s easy to get comfortable and let things slide without realizing it. But just like we check in on our finances or health, sometimes we need to take a step back and assess our relationships too.
I like to call it a “relationship audit”—a time to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and whether you’re truly getting what you need.
As a relationship expert, I’ve worked with countless individuals and couples who found themselves at a crossroads, unsure of where their relationship was headed.
Over time, I’ve identified key signs that can indicate it’s time to take a closer look at your partnership.
If you’re not sure whether it’s time for one, here are eight signs that may suggest your relationship could use a “relationship audit.”
1) Communication has become strained
In any relationship, communication is key. It’s the glue that holds everything together.
Of course, we all have our off days where we aren’t the best communicators, and that’s fine. It’s when these sporadic instances turn into constant patterns that you need to take notice.
If you and your partner are finding it hard to discuss simple things without it turning into a full-blown argument, or if there are more silences than actual conversations, it could be a sign that you need to do a relationship audit.
This isn’t about blaming each other for miscommunications. It’s about assessing and understanding where the lapses are occurring.
You might also have a difference in communication styles, and it’s always worth exploring how that could be affecting your connection.
Maybe one of you prefers to talk things through immediately, while the other needs time to process before speaking.
These differences are natural but can lead to frustration if not addressed.
By doing a relationship audit, you can take a step back and ask yourselves, “Are we really listening to each other? Are we communicating in a way that the other person understands?”
2) The spark seems to be missing
When the spark feels like it’s fading, it doesn’t automatically mean the love is gone—it just means it needs a little more attention.
I remember when I first fell in love with my husband. Even the mundane chores seemed exciting when we did them together. That’s the power of love, it adds a spark to everything you do.
But over time, life tends to get in the way. You both get busy, and those little moments of joy and excitement can sometimes take a backseat.
Let me be clear here, it’s absolutely normal for couples to have periods where the initial rush of romance fades a bit. Relationships do evolve.
But if you feel like that spark is missing entirely and the relationship feels more like a chore than a choice, it’s worth looking into.
The goal isn’t to go back to the honeymoon phase but to rediscover that connection that made your relationship feel special in the first place.
Whether it’s through intentional quality time or exploring new ways to engage with each other, it’s about rekindling that sense of excitement and emotional closeness that helps keep the relationship thriving.
3) Codependency is creeping in
As someone who’s written a whole book on this topic, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”, I can tell you that codependency is a subtle yet destructive force.
There’s a charm in doing everything together, sharing every moment, every thought.
But when it gets to the point where you feel you can’t function without the other person, or your happiness is entirely tied to them, that’s when it becomes unhealthy.
I remember a time when my husband was away on a business trip, and I realized I had forgotten how to spend time by myself. That’s when I knew we were veering into codependency territory.
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your individuality, or if your partner’s mood swings dictate your emotional state, it’s a sign that you need to do a relationship audit.
It’s important to strike a balance between dependency and independence in any relationship.
If you’d like to learn more about this, I suggest you give my book a read. It offers insights and practical steps on how to maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship.
4) You’re not arguing as much
Now, this might sound strange. Aren’t arguments supposed to be bad for a relationship? Well, not always.
When handled constructively, conflict is actually good for relationships. It’s a sign of healthy communication and mutual respect. They show that you both are invested in the relationship and care enough to voice your differences.
The problem arises when you stop arguing entirely. It may seem like everything is going smoothly, but it could also mean that one or both of you has stopped caring enough to argue.
Or worse, you’re avoiding conflicts because they never get resolved.
During my earlier years as a relationship expert, I was surprised to find out that couples who never argue often have unresolved issues simmering under the surface.
So if you find that you’ve stopped arguing altogether, it may be time for a relationship audit.
5) Future planning feels strained
Ah, the future! It’s a topic that can bring joy or anxiety depending on where your relationship stands.
In a healthy relationship, planning the future is fun. It shows commitment and shared goals, and it gives both partners something to look forward to.
Whether it’s planning a trip, discussing moving in together, or dreaming about big life events, future planning should feel like a natural progression of your relationship.
But if every time the future comes up it feels tense or brings up disagreements, it might be a sign that something’s off.
Maybe one of you is ready to take the next step, while the other feels hesitant. Or perhaps your visions for the future no longer align.
When future planning feels more like a burden than a joy, it’s definitely time to take a step back and do a relationship audit.
This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed—it just means it’s time to have an open conversation about where each of you stands and whether you’re still on the same page.
The future should be something you both feel excited about, not something that causes stress or conflict.
6) You’re fantasizing about being single
Let’s be brutally honest here. We all have had moments in our relationships when we’ve wondered what life would be like if we were single. And that’s okay. It’s human to wonder about the road not taken.
But here’s the catch.
If these thoughts are becoming more frequent and you find yourself longing for the freedom of your single days, it might be a red flag.
It’s a sign that something in your current relationship is making you feel trapped or unhappy.
Don’t ignore these feelings or brush them off as fleeting thoughts.
They’re trying to tell you something. It’s not necessarily a sign that you should break up, but it is a wakeup call to sit up and really think about what’s causing these feelings in the first place.
Here’s where a relationship audit can help. It can help you identify what’s causing these feelings and how to address them in a constructive way.
7) You’re constantly comparing your relationship to others’
We’ve all heard the saying by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And boy, isn’t that true in relationships!
I remember when I first started dating my husband, I would often catch myself comparing our relationship to others’.
It took me some time to realize that every relationship is unique and has its own pace and dynamics.
Now, it’s normal to occasionally look at other relationships for inspiration. But if it’s making you question your own happiness or causing dissatisfaction, it’s time for a relationship audit.
Recognizing and appreciating the unique aspects of your own relationship is key to nurturing it.
8) You’re not happy
This is perhaps the most stark, honest sign that a relationship audit is needed – you’re just not happy anymore.
Happiness in a relationship doesn’t mean constant smiles and laughter.
There will be ups and downs, disagreements and compromises. But at the end of the day, your relationship should be a source of joy and comfort.
When the unhappy moments start to outweigh the happy ones, it’s important to pause and reflect.
Are you both making an effort to nurture the relationship?
Are your emotional needs being met? If not, it might be time for a relationship audit to figure out what’s missing and whether it’s something that can be addressed together.
It’s not about chasing constant happiness, but about ensuring that your relationship remains a place where both of you can grow, feel valued, and experience moments of joy despite life’s inevitable challenges.
Final thoughts
So there you have it, folks. Eight signs that it’s time to do a relationship audit.
The goal here isn’t to find fault or cause panic. It’s about understanding where you stand and what you can do to make things better.
A relationship audit is a powerful tool to help you navigate through the complexities of love and commitment. It enables you to identify issues, address them, and hopefully, strengthen your bond.
For more insights on maintaining healthy boundaries and overcoming codependency in your relationship, check out my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”.
Remember, every relationship has its challenges. But with love, understanding, and a little work, we can overcome them together.
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