Words have power, especially in relationships.
The things we say to our partners can either strengthen the bond or slowly chip away at it.
While it’s natural to slip up occasionally, some phrases can cause lasting damage if repeated—not all phrases are created equal.
Some words should never be uttered in a relationship if you want it to thrive.
I’ve learned this the hard way, and I’m here to share my wisdom.
If you want your relationship to thrive, avoiding these 8 harmful phrases can help ensure that your words nurture connection rather than create distance:
1) “You always…” or “You never…”
These phrases come in like a wrecking ball, tearing down the walls of communication and understanding, without a second thought, and there’s no taking them back once they’re out.
They linger and echo, poisoning the atmosphere.
Why? Because they’re unfair and unkind.
They put your partner on the defensive, making them feel attacked and misunderstood, so—when someone feels cornered—they’re less likely to listen and more likely to lash out.
But here’s the kicker: These phrases are rarely ever true.
People are complex and ever-changing, incapable of always or never doing anything.
What should you do instead?
Well, you can start by speaking from your perspective; use “I” statements to express how you feel about specific situations or actions, instead of generalizing your partner’s behavior.
2) “If you loved me, you would…”
I remember using this phrase once in a moment of frustration: I told my partner, “If you loved me, you would cancel your plans and stay home with me.”
The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I had crossed a line.
What I was doing was setting up a test of love, placing my needs as a measure of their affection—and that’s not fair or healthy.
Love isn’t about passing tests or fulfilling every single want or need of your partner.
Instead, express your needs directly and honestly without tying them to your partner’s love for you.
In my case, what I should have said was, “I’m feeling lonely and I really need some company tonight. Is there any way you could stay home with me?”
Sure, you can say that it’s a small change in language but it can make a world of difference in communication and understanding.
3) “It’s fine”
Most of the time, when someone says “it’s fine”, it’s anything but fine—it’s merely a mask, a cover-up for deeper feelings of hurt, frustration or disappointment that are not being expressed.
According to a psychology-based article, this kind of passive-aggressive communication can lead to a decrease in relationship satisfaction.
Rather than saying “it’s fine” when it really isn’t, be honest about your feelings.
It might be uncomfortable in the moment, but it will save a lot of confusion and resentment in the long run.
4) “Why can’t you be more like…?”
This is a comparison trap, plain and simple.
Compare your partner to someone else is not only belittling them, but also creating an unrealistic standard that they’re expected to live up to.
Everyone is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses—it’s not fair to expect your partner to change who they are just because you admire something about someone else.
Instead of comparing, appreciate your partner for who they are.
If there’s something you want them to improve on or change, communicate it in a respectful and loving manner.
5) “Whatever”
Oh, look, it’s my go-to phrase during heated arguments in my early relationships!
I thought it was a great way to diffuse tension or end an argument—after all, it sounded like I was letting things go, right?
Wrong.
“Whatever” is a dismissive term that shuts down communication.
It’s a conversation stopper that signals to your partner that you’ve checked out of the discussion, and worse, that you don’t care about their thoughts or feelings.
Over time, I’ve learned to replace “whatever” with phrases like “I need some time to process this” or “Can we revisit this topic later?”
Through this, I’m not dismissing my partner’s thoughts or feelings, but simply asking for the space to think and calm down.
6) “We need to talk”
This phrase has a reputation—it’s like a storm warning, a signal that something serious, possibly unpleasant, is about to go down.
The problem is, it instantly puts your partner on edge.
Their mind starts racing with worst-case scenarios, making them defensive before the conversation even starts.
Instead of dropping this ominous phrase, try using a softer approach.
You could say something like “Can we chat about something later?” or “I’ve got something on my mind I’d like to discuss.”
This way, you’re opening up a dialogue without setting off alarm bells.
7) “You’re overreacting!”
This phrase is a classic invalidator as it dismisses your partner’s feelings and experiences, making them feel small and their concerns unimportant.
Everyone’s emotions are subjective and personal, so what may seem like an overreaction to one person may be a completely reasonable response for another.
Instead of telling your partner they’re overreacting, try to understand where they’re coming from.
Ask questions and show empathy all-throughout.
It might take more effort, but it will make your partner feel heard and understood, strengthening your bond in the long run.
8) “I don’t care”
A phrase like this can be categorized under ‘the ultimate relationship saboteur.’
When you tell your partner “I don’t care”, you’re essentially saying that their thoughts, feelings, and experiences are not important to you.
It’s dismissive, hurtful, and damaging to the trust and respect in your relationship.
In reality, you likely do care, but you’re struggling to express your feelings or you’re overwhelmed by the situation.
Take a moment to gather your thoughts and express what you’re really feeling—it’s crucial for maintaining open and honest communication in your relationship.
Final thoughts
As we’ve explored these eight phrases, it’s clear that communication is more than words—it’s about respect, empathy, and understanding.
These phrases aren’t inherently harmful but can cause damage when used to belittle or dismiss.
Effective communication means recognizing your partner’s feelings and expressing your own with honesty and care.
Take a moment to reflect: Are there phrases you use that might hurt your relationship? How can you communicate with more compassion?
The goal is making progress in our growth as a person—after all, it’s not just what we say, it’s how we say it.
Do you truly know yourself?
Your FREE personalized Moon Reading explores the secret depths of your personality, relationships and true purpose in life.
