Have you ever been in a conversation that made you raise an eyebrow? Maybe someone casually dropped a line so out of touch it felt like it came from another planet.
We’ve all been there. These offhand remarks often reveal more than people realize—specifically, their perspective on privilege.
Privilege isn’t always a choice. It’s an invisible advantage that people are born into or accumulate over time.
But here’s the twist: it shapes how they see the world and, yes, how they speak.
As a psychologist, I’ve observed these moments and compiled a list of common phrases that signal when someone might be a little too disconnected from reality.
This article breaks down these “red flag” phrases, offering insight into what they really mean and how they reflect a broader social dynamic.
Get ready to decode the language of privilege—you’ll never hear it the same way again.
1) “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”
This phrase is a classic example of the rhetoric some privileged individuals may use.
It suggests the notion that anyone can succeed if they simply try hard enough, often ignoring the systemic issues and barriers that can impede someone’s progress.
When someone uses this statement, they’re usually implying that they managed to get where they are purely through their own effort.
This can be an incredibly dismissive attitude, as it overlooks the advantages and opportunities they might have had along the way, which others may not have access to.
This is often used as a way to deflect from the reality of inequality and can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy in those who are struggling.
It can be a form of gaslighting, making people feel as if their lack of progress is solely their own fault, rather than acknowledging the complex socio-economic factors at play.
2) “Money can’t buy happiness”
While this phrase may seem grounded in wisdom, it can often come across as dismissive when used by individuals who are privileged.
Sure, money isn’t the sole determinant of happiness, but it does provide access to basic needs like food, shelter, healthcare and education.
For those struggling to meet these essential needs, money can indeed contribute significantly to their overall well-being and happiness.
When these privileged individuals utter this phrase, it may reveal a lack of understanding or empathy towards those who face financial struggles.
It’s easier to romanticize the idea that money doesn’t equate to happiness when your basic needs and comforts are well taken care of.
Rather than dismissing the importance of financial stability, it’s crucial to acknowledge its role in providing a decent quality of life.
3) “I don’t see color”
This phrase is often used by people aiming to express that they don’t discriminate based on race. However, it unintentionally negates the experiences of those who face racial discrimination on a daily basis.
Research shows that our brains automatically notice differences, including skin color, within milliseconds. This doesn’t necessarily lead to prejudice—it’s simply how our brains categorize information.
Saying “I don’t see color” can inadvertently imply that a person’s racial identity, which can be a significant part of their self-concept and life experience, is being overlooked or ignored.
Acknowledging and respecting racial differences, rather than claiming to be colorblind, can help promote genuine understanding and equality.
4) “Everyone has the same 24 hours”
This phrase is often used to encourage productivity or to imply that we all have an equal opportunity to succeed.
However, it overlooks the fact that not everyone has the same resources, opportunities, or circumstances within those 24 hours.
Some people may have to work multiple jobs, care for family members, or face other challenges that take up a significant portion of their day. Others might have the luxury of more free time due to financial stability, access to help, or fewer responsibilities.
It’s important to understand that everyone’s situation is unique and that time alone isn’t the only factor determining what someone can achieve in a day.
Compassion and understanding for others’ circumstances can lead to more meaningful interactions and relationships.
5) “It’s just a phase”
We’ve all heard this before, usually in response to a change in our behavior, interests, or even our self-identity. While it may be said with good intentions, this phrase can feel dismissive and invalidating.
People grow and evolve over time, and exploring new interests or identities is a part of that process. Whether it’s a teenager expressing a new fashion style, an adult changing careers, or someone coming out as LGBTQ+, these aren’t just ‘phases’ to be dismissed.
Instead of diminishing someone’s experience as a temporary whim, acknowledging their feelings and experiences as valid and important can create a more inclusive and understanding environment.
6) “Back in my day”
This phrase is often used by individuals who may not fully grasp the unique challenges faced by younger generations.
For instance, I remember a friend’s parent constantly reminding us about how they worked their way through college and bought their first house by their mid-twenties.
While it’s true that hard work is important, this narrative overlooks the significant economic changes that have occurred over the years. It’s no secret that tuition fees, housing costs, and the cost of living have all significantly increased.
Rather than comparing different generations under different circumstances, it can be more productive to understand the unique challenges each generation faces and offer support and guidance where we can.
7) “If I can do it, anyone can”
At face value, this phrase might seem encouraging. It’s often used by people who have overcome obstacles and want to inspire others to do the same.
However, it inadvertently minimizes the struggles and unique circumstances of others.
The truth is, we all have different abilities, resources, and opportunities. Our individual journeys are influenced by a multitude of factors that are often out of our control.
Instead of implying that success is purely a matter of willpower, it’s important to recognize that everyone’s path is unique.
Encouragement is valuable, but it needs to be paired with empathy and understanding of the challenges others may face.
8) “It could always be worse”
While this phrase is often used as a means to provide perspective and foster gratitude, it can unintentionally diminish the struggles that someone is currently experiencing.
Everyone has their own battles, and just because someone else might have it ‘worse’ doesn’t make the pain or challenges any less real for the person experiencing them.
The most important thing to remember is that empathy and understanding are key when engaging with others.
Instead of comparing struggles, acknowledging someone’s feelings and experiences can go a long way in fostering genuine connections and promoting a more inclusive environment.
Final thoughts
Understanding the implications of the phrases we use is integral to fostering empathy, and promoting inclusivity and understanding.
This article aimed to shed light on some phrases often used by those who may be privileged or out of touch.
The language we use can shape our perceptions and interactions. It’s about more than just words—it’s about acknowledging different experiences, showing respect, and striving for a deeper understanding of the world around us.
And while this article provides some insight, the journey towards greater understanding and empathy is a personal one. It requires reflection, open-mindedness, and the willingness to listen and learn from others.
Here’s to fostering more compassionate conversations and building stronger connections with those around us!
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