We’ve all encountered someone who lacks empathy. Their words leave us feeling unheard, dismissed, or even hurt—but here’s the kicker: insensitive people usually have no idea of the damage they are causing.
These insensitive phrases often come out of their mouths without a second thought, yet they can create a barrier that makes it harder for people to feel understood or supported.
In this article, we’ll dive into 8 common phrases used by those who lack empathy, often without realizing the harm they cause.
Understanding these phrases will help you recognize when they’re being used and give you the tools to address the situation with compassion—whether it’s for yourself or someone you care about.
1) “It’s not a big deal”
This phrase is a classic one used by those who often lack empathy. When you’re expressing a concern or sharing an issue that’s been bothering you, they might respond with, “It’s not a big deal.”
Although it may not seem like a significant statement, this phrase can have a damaging effect.
It dismisses your feelings and experiences, making you feel as though your emotions aren’t valid or important. It can leave you feeling belittled or unimportant, even if that wasn’t the speaker’s intention.
People who lack empathy may not realize the impact of these words because they struggle to put themselves in your shoes. They may see the situation from their perspective only and fail to understand why you’re upset.
But remember, your feelings are valid, and if something is a ‘big deal’ to you, then it is indeed a significant matter.
2) “I’m sorry you feel that way”
On the surface, this phrase may sound like an apology. However, it’s subtly different and can often be used by individuals who lack empathy.
Instead of acknowledging their own actions or words that may have caused hurt, they shift the focus onto your feelings.
In essence, they’re not saying, “I’m sorry for what I did,” but rather, “I’m sorry you’re reacting this way.” This phrase can be a disguised way of avoiding responsibility for their actions and invalidating your feelings at the same time.
While it might not be intended to cause harm, it can leave you feeling dismissed and unheard.
3) “You’re too sensitive”
This phrase is a classic technique used by people who may lack empathy. When they say, “You’re too sensitive,” they essentially turn the spotlight away from their actions and onto your reactions.
Interestingly, research shows that people who are often labeled as ‘too sensitive’ may actually possess a trait known as High Sensitivity.
Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) make up about 20% of the population and have a heightened ability to process emotional and sensory information.
If this is you, when someone says, “You’re too sensitive,” they might not understand the depth of your emotional processing or the impact their words or actions have on you.
This lack of empathy can lead to a disconnect in communication. But by recognizing this phrase and understanding its implications, we can better navigate these interactions and validate our own, and others’, emotional experiences.
4) “Get over it”
At times, people lacking empathy might use the phrase “Get over it” when they struggle to comprehend the depth of another person’s emotions or experiences.
This phrase can feel dismissive and hurtful, as it suggests that your feelings or struggles are trivial or unworthy of attention.
It’s essential to remember that everyone has their own timeline for healing and coping with life’s challenges. What might seem insignificant to one person could be a monumental struggle for another.
The beauty of our shared human experience lies in our ability to offer kindness, understanding, and support to each other. So next time you hear “Get over it,” remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal and grow.
5) “That’s just the way I am”
We’ve all probably heard someone say, “That’s just the way I am,” after they’ve done something that might have upset us.
This phrase can often be used by individuals who lack empathy as a means of justifying their actions without considering the feelings or perspectives of others.
While it’s true that we all have our unique personalities and quirks, using this phrase can sometimes serve as a shield against self-reflection and change.
Recognizing this phrase for what it is – a defense mechanism – can help us to better understand the person saying it, but also remind us that everyone has the capacity for growth and change. Understanding and kindness go a long way in our interactions with others, even when the road is bumpy.
6) “You’re overthinking it”
This phrase is another one commonly used by people who may lack empathy. You might be sharing your worries or concerns with them, and their response is, “You’re overthinking it.”
I remember a time when a close friend was dismissing my worries about an upcoming job interview with this exact phrase.
While their intention might have been to alleviate my stress, the effect was quite the opposite. Instead of feeling understood and supported, I felt dismissed and invalidated.
The thing is, what might seem like overthinking to one person could be a regular thought process for another. Everyone has different ways of processing situations, and what might seem excessive to one might be necessary for another.
It’s crucial to validate each other’s experiences and feelings instead of dismissing them as ‘overthinking.’ After all, empathy involves understanding and respecting others’ perspectives, even if they differ from ours.
7) “That doesn’t even make sense”
This phrase can be a knee-jerk reaction when someone lacks empathy and cannot understand another person’s feelings or point of view.
When they say, “That doesn’t even make sense,” they’re essentially saying that because they cannot relate to your experience, it’s invalid or wrong.
But here’s the hard truth: not everyone is going to understand your feelings, experiences, or perspectives. And that’s okay. Your feelings are valid, whether or not someone else understands them.
The key is to surround yourself with people who respect your feelings and experiences, even if they don’t fully understand them. Everyone’s perspective is unique, and that diversity should be celebrated, not dismissed because it “doesn’t make sense.”
8) “You always make a big deal out of nothing”
This final phrase, “You always make a big deal out of nothing,” is one that those lacking empathy often use to dismiss or belittle another person’s emotions.
When someone says this, they’re essentially telling you that your feelings don’t matter or that you’re overreacting.
What makes this phrase particularly damaging is that it undermines your perspective.
Instead of validating your feelings or offering support, it trivializes them, making you feel as if your emotions are not only invalid but exaggerated.
In reality, people’s feelings are always valid, and what might seem trivial to one person can be deeply significant to another.
By saying “You always make a big deal out of nothing,” the person is ignoring the emotional weight behind your words and inadvertently distancing themselves from your needs.
Conclusion
If you’ve been on the receiving end of these phrases, remember this: understanding and empathy start with self-love and self-respect.
You deserve to be heard, understood, and respected.
You’re not alone in this journey, and recognizing these phrases is the first step towards fostering more understanding and empathetic communication.
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