Picture this.
You’re engaged in a conversation with someone who, without even trying, manages to make you feel heard and understood. They seem to instinctively know what to say, or how to respond, in a way that not only acknowledges your feelings but also validates them.
Sounds familiar?
Well, it turns out, there’s a good chance you were dealing with an empathetic person. But here’s the catch – they probably don’t even realize they’re doing it.
As a psychologist, I’ve noticed that deeply empathetic individuals tend to use certain phrases subconsciously. These phrases have the power to build bridges, heal wounds and foster connections.
Curious yet? Stick around as we dive into the world of empathy and uncover the secret language of deeply empathetic folks.
1) “Tell me more about that”
You know the moment.
You’re sharing something personal and the person you’re talking to leans in, their eyes locked on yours, and they say, “Tell me more about that.”
This simple phrase is a common tool in the empathetic person’s arsenal. It may not seem like much, but it carries a powerful message: I’m here, I’m listening, and I genuinely want to understand your experience.
Deeply empathetic people use this phrase subconsciously to encourage others to open up further. It shows their willingness to dive into the conversation, regardless of how deep or challenging it might be.
In essence, when someone says “Tell me more about that,” they’re offering you a safe space to express your thoughts and emotions. A space where judgement is left at the door, and empathy takes center stage.
2) “I can understand why you would feel that way”
A few years back, a close friend of mine was going through a tough breakup. She was devastated, and in our conversations, she would often express feelings of guilt and regret.
One day, she said to me, “I feel like I’m the one to blame. I should’ve done things differently.”
Without really thinking about it, I found myself saying, “I can understand why you would feel that way, considering how much you cared about the relationship.”
This phrase is another one that deeply empathetic people like myself often use subconsciously. It’s not about agreeing with the person or endorsing their perspective.
Rather, it’s about validating their feelings and acknowledging their point of view.
It’s a way of saying, “Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel this way.” It provides comfort and reassurance, letting the person know that they are seen and heard.
3) “It’s not easy, is it?”
There was this one time when my neighbor, an elderly gent, was struggling with the loss of his wife. They had been married for over 50 years and he was having a hard time adjusting to life without her.
I would often see him in his garden, looking lost and forlorn. One day, I mustered up the courage to go over and talk to him. He opened up about how lonely and difficult things had been since his wife passed.
I remember looking at him, feeling his pain, and saying, “It’s not easy, is it?”
This phrase is a subtle yet powerful acknowledgment of someone’s struggle. It doesn’t sugarcoat reality or offer false hopes. Instead, it validates the difficulty of their situation in a compassionate and understanding manner.
4) “That sounds really tough”
Ever been in a situation where words seem to fail you?
I recall an incident with a coworker who was having a particularly hard day. She was overwhelmed with work, dealing with personal issues, and it had all become too much for her to handle.
In that moment, I couldn’t think of any advice or solutions to offer. All I could do was empathize with her situation. And without even thinking about it, I said, “That sounds really tough.”
This phrase is a simple yet effective way of expressing empathy. It doesn’t try to minimize the person’s feelings or fix the problem. Instead, it acknowledges their struggle and conveys understanding.
5) “You’re not alone in this”
Did you know that one of the most powerful human needs is the need to belong?
So, when my brother was going through a messy divorce and feeling isolated, I found myself repeating a simple phrase to him – “You’re not alone in this.”
Deeply empathetic people often use this phrase subconsciously. It’s more than just a comforting group of words.
It’s a reassurance that no matter how tough things get, there’s someone who cares, someone who is there for them.
Telling someone they’re not alone can be like throwing them a lifeline when they feel like they’re drowning. It acknowledges their struggle, but also reminds them that they have support.
It’s a powerful way to encourage connection and let someone know that they matter.
6) “Take all the time you need”
I remember when my best friend lost her job unexpectedly. Naturally, she was upset and anxious about what the future held.
During one of our conversations, she expressed her fear about not being able to find a new job quickly. I remember responding, “Take all the time you need.”
This phrase, often used by deeply empathetic people, is a gentle reminder that it’s okay to move at your own pace. It conveys patience, understanding, and reassurance that there’s no pressure or expectation for them to rush through their process.
It’s a compassionate way of saying, “It’s okay to take your time to heal, to grieve, or to figure things out.” It’s about granting them the space and time they need – a kindness that can mean the world in tough times.
7) “How can I support you?”
When my daughter was dealing with the stress of college applications, I found myself asking her a question that, in my experience as a psychologist, is possibly the most powerful phrase an empathetic person can use.
This phrase goes beyond simple validation or understanding. It’s an active offer of support, a willingness to step up and be there in whatever way the person needs.
Asking someone how you can support them not only shows that you care but also that you’re ready to take action to help. It empowers them to express their needs and makes them feel valued. It’s the epitome of empathy in action.
Wrapping it up
Start noticing how often these phrases come up in your conversations. Reflect on how they impact your interactions and relationships. Do they deepen your connection with others? Do they make you feel more understood and connected?
But also ask yourself – Am I also applying this empathy towards myself? Am I listening to my own needs and feelings as attentively as I do for others?
Transforming empathy into a strength doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey filled with self-discovery and growth.
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