There’s a huge difference between being emotionally intelligent and being… well, not.
The difference really boils down to awareness. People with zero emotional intelligence tend to say things without realizing how they come across to others.
Having emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing both your own emotions and those of the people around you. But some people just don’t get it, often blurting out phrases that can completely throw a wrench in the conversation.
In this article, we’re going to identify 10 things people with zero emotional intelligence usually say โ without even realizing how off-putting they can be.
Let’s dive in.
1) “Calm down”
In the world of emotional intelligence, telling someone to “calm down” is a big faux pas.
Why, you ask? Well, it’s simple. It’s a command that tends to invalidate the other person’s feelings, making it seem like their emotions don’t matter.
Having emotional intelligence means recognizing and acknowledging the feelings of others. But when someone says “calm down”, they’re essentially trying to control the other person’s emotional state.
It’s a phrase that can be particularly damaging in a heated conversation, as it can easily escalate the situation instead of defusing it.
People with zero emotional intelligence often use this phrase without realizing how dismissive it comes across.
2) “I’m just being honest”
Let me tell you about a time I was at the receiving end of this phrase.
It was during a team meeting at work, and one of my colleagues bluntly criticized my presentation skills. “I’m just being honest,” he said, as if that justified the harshness of his words.
Here’s the thing โ honesty is important, but so is tact. People with low emotional intelligence often use the “I’m just being honest” card as an excuse to be unnecessarily harsh or critical, without considering how it might affect the person on the receiving end.
The problem with this phrase is that it’s often used as a disguise for rudeness or insensitivity. It’s like saying, “I don’t care about your feelings, I’m just going to say what I think.”
Having emotional intelligence means understanding that there’s a way to be honest without being hurtful. It’s about delivering feedback in a constructive way that respects the other person’s feelings.
3) “You’re too sensitive”
This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where a person tries to make someone else question their reality or feelings.
When someone tells you that you’re being “too sensitive,” they’re essentially invalidating your feelings and shifting the blame onto you, instead of taking responsibility for their actions.
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Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a key component of emotionally intelligent behavior. When someone lacks this empathy, they might label others as “too sensitive” as a way to dismiss their feelings.
This phrase is often used without realizing how damaging it can be. It can lead to self-doubt and make people feel like their emotions aren’t valid. Recognizing and avoiding this phrase is a significant step towards building better emotional intelligence.
4) “That’s not my problem”
Emotional intelligence is all about empathy and understanding. However, when someone says “That’s not my problem”, they’re demonstrating a lack of both.
This phrase shows a refusal to acknowledge or engage with someone else’s feelings or difficulties. It’s a way of distancing oneself and avoiding responsibility.
People with high emotional intelligence understand the importance of supporting others, even when the issue at hand may not directly impact them. They’re able to empathize and offer assistance where possible.
However, those with low emotional intelligence often use this phrase without understanding how dismissive it can come across. It sends a clear message that they don’t care about the struggles of others, which can be hurtful and damaging to relationships.
5) “I don’t care”
The phrase “I don’t care” can be a pretty clear indicator of low emotional intelligence.
It’s a blunt statement that shuts down conversation and shows a lack of empathy or understanding. Whether in response to someone’s feelings, opinions, or experiences, saying “I don’t care” communicates a complete disinterest in the other person’s perspective.
An emotionally intelligent person would instead choose to express their differing viewpoint or lack of interest in a more respectful and considerate way. They understand that everyone’s feelings and thoughts are valid and should be acknowledged.
However, those lacking emotional intelligence often use the phrase “I don’t care” without realizing how dismissive or hurtful it can sound. It’s a definite conversation stopper and one to be avoided if you’re aiming to improve your emotional intelligence.
6) “Get over it”
Few phrases can sting quite as much as “get over it.” It’s a statement that shows a deep lack of understanding and empathy.
Telling someone to simply “get over” their feelings dismisses their experience and minimizes their emotions. It’s a way of saying that their feelings aren’t important enough to be acknowledged or validated.
Emotionally intelligent individuals understand that emotions aren’t switches to be flipped on and off at will. They know that healing takes time, and that everyone processes things at their own pace.
But those with zero emotional intelligence often use the phrase “get over it” without realizing the harm it can do. It’s a phrase that can leave lasting emotional scars, and one that we should strive to eliminate from our vocabulary.
Remember, being emotionally intelligent means being patient, understanding, and supportiveโeven when the emotions at hand aren’t our own.
7) “You always…” or “You never…”
A relationship I was once in ended because of these two phrases. Every argument started with “You always…” or “You never…”.
These phrases are a clear sign of low emotional intelligence. They’re absolute, accusatory and often exaggerate the truth.
Instead of addressing a specific issue or behavior, they attack the person’s character and can make them feel defensive. This doesn’t facilitate effective communication or resolution.
Emotionally intelligent individuals know how to express their concerns without resorting to blame or exaggeration. They focus on the specific issue at hand, rather than making sweeping generalizations about the person.
Unfortunately, those with zero emotional intelligence often use these phrases without realizing their destructive impact. If you find yourself on either end of these statements, it’s worth taking a step back and reassessing how you communicate in conflict situations.
8) “I know how you feel”
On the surface, “I know how you feel” might seem like an empathetic response. But, surprisingly, it’s often a sign of low emotional intelligence.
The truth is, we can’t truly know exactly how someone else feels. Even if we’ve been through a similar situation, everyone’s experiences and reactions are unique.
When we say “I know how you feel”, we’re assuming and generalizing their emotions based on our own experiences. It’s subtly dismissive and can make the other person feel like their feelings are being overlooked or misunderstood.
Instead of assuming, emotionally intelligent individuals show empathy by asking questions and trying to understand the other person’s perspective. They say things like “I’m here for you” or “That sounds really tough”, offering validation and support instead of making assumptions.
People with zero emotional intelligence often use this phrase without realizing they are potentially minimizing the other person’s experience. It’s a good reminder that sometimes, the best way to show empathy is to listen, rather than assume.
9) “Whatever”
“Whatever” is a one-word statement that can have a surprisingly powerful impact โ and not in a good way.
This phrase often comes across as dismissive, indifferent, and lacking in respect. It’s a way of shutting down a conversation or disregarding someone else’s feelings or opinions.
Emotionally intelligent individuals strive for open and respectful communication. They value the perspectives of others, even when they disagree. They know that using dismissive phrases like “whatever” can damage relationships and hinder effective communication.
Unfortunately, those with zero emotional intelligence often use this phrase without realizing its negative impact. If you’re aiming to improve your emotional intelligence, it’s important to recognize the power of words and strive for respectful communication at all times.
10) “It’s just a joke”
This phrase can be particularly harmful. Saying “It’s just a joke” after making an offensive or hurtful comment is a clear sign of low emotional intelligence.
Humor should never be used as an excuse to belittle or hurt someone else. Those with high emotional intelligence understand this and are careful with their words, even when joking around.
When someone says “It’s just a joke”, they’re dismissing the other person’s feelings and refusing to take responsibility for their words. It shows a lack of empathy and understanding.
Unfortunately, those with zero emotional intelligence often use this phrase without realizing its impact. It’s important to remember that words have power โ and that includes the words we use in jest. If a joke hurts someone, it’s not just a joke โ it’s hurtful.
Final thoughts: It’s about growth
The beauty of emotional intelligence is that it isn’t fixed. It’s a skill that can be learned, developed, and refined over time.
Understanding and managing our emotions, as well as those of others, requires practice and patience. It’s not about perfection, but progress.
The phrases we’ve explored in this article often stem from an unawareness of how our words can impact others. It’s not necessarily a matter of ill-intent, but rather a lack of understanding.
Renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman, often credited for popularizing the concept of emotional intelligence, once said: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.”
This quote serves as a powerful reminder that empathy and understanding are vital components of emotional intelligence. By being conscious of how our words can affect others, we take the first step towards improving our emotional intelligence.
So next time you’re in conversation, remember the power your words hold. They have the ability to build bridges or walls; it’s up to you which they will construct. Reflect on this, and let it guide your journey towards greater emotional intelligence.
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