Parenting is a delicate dance. There’s a fine line between guiding your child and overparenting them.
Overparenting, or ‘helicopter parenting’, is a style where parents are overly involved in their children’s lives, often to the point of micromanagement. This can have long-term impacts, often manifesting in certain behaviors when these children become adults.
If you’re curious about what these behaviors look like, stick with me. I’m about to share 9 tell-tale signs that an adult might have been overparented as a child.
Let’s dive in and explore these 9 behaviors together.
1) Struggling with independence
Overparented individuals often have difficulty navigating the world on their own.
Having always had someone there to guide them, solve their problems, or even make their decisions, these adults may struggle when the safety net of parental control is removed.
This isn’t to say they’re incapable. Far from it. However, they’ve been wired to rely on guidance and direction from others, making independence a new and sometimes scary concept.
In essence, they have to learn how to take control of their own lives, make their own decisions and face the consequences of those choices. It’s a learning curve many overparented adults have to face.
If you see an adult struggling with independent decision-making, it might be a sign they were overparented as a child.
2) Difficulty taking risks
As someone who experienced overparenting growing up, I can tell you first hand that risk-taking isn’t something that comes naturally.
The ‘helicopter’ hovering over us tends to discourage risk. After all, the whole point of overparenting is to protect us from harm, and risks can potentially lead to harm.
I remember when I wanted to go on a solo backpacking trip just after college. The idea of me traveling alone was unthinkable to my parents. They were so worried about all the things that could go wrong, they couldn’t see the potential for growth and learning.
And their fear became my fear. I started doubting my abilities and second-guessing my decision. Ultimately, I didn’t go on that trip.
3) High levels of anxiety
Overparenting can often lead to higher levels of anxiety in adulthood. This is because children raised by ‘helicopter parents’ are frequently shielded from challenges and difficulties. They’re often not allowed to face obstacles head-on and learn from their mistakes.
As a result, they may develop a heightened fear of failure and an overactive stress response. The American Psychological Association reports that overparented children tend to have higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in their system.
Therefore, if you notice an adult who tends to be overly anxious or stressed, especially in situations where they’re faced with a challenge or potential failure, it could be a sign that they were overparented.
4) Lack of problem-solving skills
One of the hallmarks of overparenting is swooping in to solve problems for the child. While it’s done out of love and a desire to protect, it can hinder the child’s ability to develop crucial problem-solving skills.
As adults, these individuals might often find themselves in a pickle when faced with challenges. They may struggle to figure out solutions on their own or may avoid dealing with the problem altogether.
5) Difficulty dealing with failure
Failure is a part of life. It’s how we learn, grow, and ultimately become resilient. But for someone who was overparented, failure might be an extremely tough pill to swallow.
Overparented children are often shielded from failures, with parents stepping in to make sure their child always succeeds. This protective measure can have unintended consequences in adulthood.
An adult who was overparented may not have developed the necessary coping mechanisms to deal with failure. They might take failures very personally or be overly harsh on themselves when things don’t go as planned.
6) Seeking constant validation
We all like a pat on the back, don’t we? It feels good to be recognized for our efforts. But for someone who was overparented, this need for validation can become more than just a feel-good factor.
Overparented children often grow up under the watchful eyes of their parents, who provide constant feedback and validation. When they become adults, this need for approval doesn’t just go away. In fact, it can intensify.
They might constantly seek validation from their peers, superiors, or even strangers on social media. This isn’t because they’re vain or attention-seeking. It’s because validation has been a huge part of their upbringing and self-worth.
7) Over reliance on rules and structure
Growing up, my world was filled with rules. Curfews, study hours, strict meal times – you name it. My parents had a rule for everything. They meant well, of course, wanting to instill discipline and good habits in me.
But as an adult, I’ve noticed that I’ve carried this heavy reliance on rules and structure into my own life. I find it hard to adapt to spontaneous changes or break away from routines. It’s as if I’ve been programmed to follow a strict schedule and anything outside of it throws me off balance.
If you see an adult who seems unusually rigid or uncomfortable with spontaneity, they might have been overparented. It’s not that they’re uptight or inflexible. They’ve just been conditioned to rely heavily on rules and structure for a sense of security and control.
8) Difficulty in forming relationships
Overparented children often have their social interactions monitored and controlled to such an extent that they may struggle to form relationships as adults. They might find it hard to connect with others on a deeper level or maintain long-term relationships.
This isn’t because they’re antisocial or lack empathy. It’s often because their parents’ involvement in their social lives may have stunted their ability to navigate relationships independently.
If you notice an adult who seems to struggle with forming or maintaining relationships, it could be a sign of overparenting. It’s not a character flaw, but rather a consequence of an upbringing that may have lacked opportunities for independent social growth.
9) Low self-esteem
The most crucial thing to understand is that overparenting can significantly impact an individual’s self-esteem. When parents are constantly stepping in, solving problems, and making decisions for their child, it can inadvertently send the message that the child isn’t capable of handling things on their own.
As these children grow into adults, they might struggle with feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. They might doubt their abilities and question their competence.
If you see an adult who often undermines their capabilities or struggles with self-esteem, it could be a result of overparenting. It’s not a sign of weakness, but rather a reflection of a childhood where they were seldom given the chance to prove their worth to themselves.
Reflecting on the journey
The complexities of human behavior are deeply intertwined with our upbringing. A key piece of this puzzle is how we were parented as children.
The effects of overparenting, as we’ve discussed, can manifest in various ways in adulthood, from struggles with independence and risk-taking to issues with self-esteem and relationship-building.
But it’s crucial to remember that these behaviors are not definitive. They’re not set in stone. With self-awareness, understanding, and sometimes professional help, individuals who were overparented can learn to overcome these challenges.
The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers famously said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” This quote rings especially true for those grappling with the effects of overparenting.
If you’ve seen yourself or someone you know in these behaviors, take heart. This isn’t a life sentence. It’s an opportunity for growth and transformation.
So let’s approach this with empathy and compassion, understanding that everyone is on their unique journey of self-discovery and growth. And remember, it’s never too late to learn, change, and evolve.
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