People who thrive after their relationship ends usually adopt these 8 behaviors, says psychology

Breaking up can be tough, no two ways about it. But believe it or not, some people actually flourish after a relationship ends. How do they do it? It’s all about the habits they adopt.

As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship guru, I’ve spent years studying this very topic. I’ve discovered that thriving post-breakup isn’t about luck or timing – it’s about cultivating specific behaviors.

Psychology backs me up on this. Intriguingly, there are 8 common behaviors that those who excel after a breakup tend to share.

Ready to learn what these behaviors are? Stick around as we delve into each one and discover how they can help you thrive after a relationship ends. It’s not about forgetting your ex, but about embracing your new chapter with confidence and grace.

1) Embrace solitude

One might think that after a breakup, the best thing to do is to immediately dive into a new relationship. But those who truly succeed after a relationship ends often do something quite different: they embrace solitude.

The idea of being alone can be daunting, especially after sharing your life with someone else. It’s easy to feel lonely and to crave the comfort and companionship a relationship provides.

But here’s the thing: solitude isn’t about being lonely. It’s about getting comfortable with yourself, understanding your own needs and wants, and learning to enjoy your own company.

Thriving post-breakup often begins with this. Allowing yourself to be alone gives you the chance to reconnect with yourself, to heal, and to grow. It’s about taking time for self-discovery and personal development.

So if you’ve just come out of a relationship, don’t rush into another one. Take some time for yourself. Embrace solitude. You might be surprised at how much you can grow during this period of self-reflection.

And remember, in the wise words of Oscar Wilde, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

2) Cultivate resilience

When I was going through a particularly tough breakup, a friend gave me some advice that really stuck with me. She said, “Tina, it’s not about bouncing back, it’s about bouncing forward.” That’s resilience.

Resilience isn’t about returning to your old self after a hardship; it’s about growing and evolving through the experience. It’s about using the pain of a breakup as fuel to become stronger and wiser.

People who thrive post-breakup understand that resilience is key. They don’t try to avoid the pain or pretend it’s not there. Instead, they allow themselves to feel it fully, knowing that it’s part of the healing process. They accept their feelings as valid and important.

But they also don’t wallow in their sorrow. They understand that every setback is a setup for a comeback, and they use this mindset to help them move forward.

So remember: cultivate resilience. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don’t let it define you. Use it as a stepping stone to become a better version of yourself.

3) Break the cycle of codependency

One of the most transformative things I’ve learned in my journey, both personally and professionally, is the importance of breaking free from codependency.

Codependency is a relationship dynamic where one person sacrifices their needs for the sake of the other. It’s a pattern that can be easy to fall into, but it’s not healthy or sustainable.

People who thrive after a relationship ends often do so because they’ve learned to break this cycle. They understand that it’s crucial to maintain their individuality and prioritize their own needs, even in a relationship.

Now, I won’t sugarcoat it – this isn’t an easy process. It requires a lot of self-awareness and work. But I promise you, it’s worth it.

In fact, I’ve written an entire book on this topic, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, which provides practical steps on how to navigate this path.

The truth is, you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself. And part of loving yourself is acknowledging that your needs are important and that you deserve to have them met.

4) Don’t avoid your ex

This may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. Completely cutting off your ex and avoiding any mention of them might seem like the easiest way to move on. But those who truly thrive post-breakup often do the opposite.

Now, I’m not suggesting you immediately become best friends with your ex or keep them in your life if they were abusive or toxic. What I’m suggesting is to not run away from the memories or the pain.

Why? Because avoiding these feelings can actually prolong the healing process. It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound without cleaning it first.

Confronting your feelings about your ex and acknowledging the role they played in your life can be therapeutic. It allows you to understand what went wrong, what you learned from the relationship, and how you can grow from the experience.

So don’t rush to delete all their photos or throw away their gifts. Take your time to process your feelings and make peace with the past. It’s not about holding onto your ex, but about letting go of them in a healthy and constructive way.

As psychologist Carl Jung said, “What you resist, persists.” So don’t resist your feelings about your ex. Acknowledge them, learn from them, and then let them go.

5) Discover new passions

When I went through my first major breakup, I found myself with a lot of extra time on my hands. I decided to fill that time by rediscovering old hobbies and exploring new interests. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

People who thrive after a relationship ends often use the experience as an opportunity to discover new passions. They take the extra time and energy they now have and channel it into something positive and fulfilling.

Whether it’s painting, hiking, yoga, cooking, or learning a new language, pursuing a new passion can provide a sense of purpose and joy that might have been missing in your life. It’s also a great distraction from any lingering heartache.

So why not use this time to explore what makes you happy? Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to play the guitar or take up photography. Now is the perfect time to do it.

6) It’s okay to not be okay

In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing everyone else is leading perfect, happy lives. This can make going through a breakup even tougher, as it feels like you’re the only one struggling.

But here’s a raw, honest truth: It’s okay to not be okay.

People who thrive after a relationship ends understand this. They don’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not. They don’t put on a brave face and hide their pain. They allow themselves to grieve, to cry, and to feel every bit of their heartbreak.

Because they know that this pain is part of the healing process. That it’s a testament to their capacity to love and to feel deeply. And that it won’t last forever.

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So if you’re going through a breakup and feeling down, remember: It’s okay. It’s completely normal. Don’t rush your healing or compare your journey to others’. Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully and give yourself permission to heal at your own pace.

7) Practice gratitude

In the midst of heartbreak, it can be tough to find things to be grateful for. But during my own breakup journey, I found that cultivating gratitude was a powerful tool for healing and growth.

People who thrive after a relationship ends often make a conscious effort to practice gratitude. Even when things seem bleak, they find small blessings to appreciate – a kind word from a friend, the beauty of a sunset, a good book.

This doesn’t mean ignoring your pain or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about acknowledging the good in your life alongside the bad. It’s about shifting your focus from loss to abundance.

And the beautiful thing about gratitude? It has a way of multiplying. The more you practice it, the more things you’ll find to be grateful for.

So start a gratitude journal. Make it a daily habit to write down three things you’re grateful for. It might not fix everything overnight, but it will help you keep perspective and remind you of the goodness in your life.

8) Forgive and let go

This is perhaps the hardest part, but it’s crucial. Forgiveness.

Forgiving your ex – and yourself – is often the final step towards truly moving on after a breakup. But let’s be honest, it’s easier said than done.

People who thrive post-breakup understand that forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior or forgetting what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and bitterness.

Holding onto anger and blame can be like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It harms you more than anyone else.

But when you forgive, you let go of that poison. You release the negative energy that’s been holding you back. And in doing so, you create space for peace, growth, and new possibilities.

So if you’re struggling to move on after a breakup, try to find it in your heart to forgive. It might be the most liberating thing you ever do.

Conclusion

Breakups are tough, there’s no way around it. But as we’ve explored, they can also be a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery.

By embracing solitude, cultivating resilience, breaking free from codependency, confronting your feelings about your ex, discovering new passions, acknowledging your pain, practicing gratitude, and learning to forgive, you can not only survive a breakup – you can thrive.

Remember, this journey is deeply personal and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate it. Take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself.

And if you need a little extra guidance along the way, don’t hesitate to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s packed with practical advice and tools to help you reclaim your independence and find happiness within yourself.

Remember, you’re stronger than you think and you’re capable of amazing things. This breakup might be a chapter in your story, but it’s not the whole book. Keep going. Your best days are still ahead.