Navigating social interactions can be like navigating a maze. Sometimes, people smile at you and seem friendly, but underneath, there’s a different story.
Spotting these individuals, who are essentially wolves in sheep’s clothing, can save you a lot of heartache down the line. They usually display certain subtle behaviours that are easy to miss if you’re not looking for them.
In this article, I will be revealing the 10 subtle behaviours that could indicate someone is not as friendly as they appear. These are the signs that someone might be smiling to your face but secretly disliking you.
Equipped with this knowledge, you’ll be better prepared to discern genuine friendships from those that are merely surface deep.
Let’s dive right in.
1) They’re overly polite
Have you ever noticed how some people’s politeness feels genuine, while others’ feels forced? It’s a subtle difference that can speak volumes.
People who secretly dislike you often overcompensate by being excessively polite. It’s their way of maintaining a facade of friendliness while keeping you at arm’s length.
This behaviour can manifest itself in various ways, from overly formal language to exaggerated compliments. It’s all part of an act designed to hide their true feelings.
But remember, it’s not always easy to distinguish between genuine politeness and a mask. While this behaviour can be a hint, it’s important to look for multiple signs before drawing conclusions. To avoid misunderstanding, always consider the context and the person’s usual behaviour.
2) They avoid eye contact
This one hits close to home because I’ve experienced it firsthand.
There was this colleague of mine, let’s call him John. He was always smiling and polite, but there was something off about our interactions. It took me a while to put my finger on it, but then I noticed – he hardly ever made eye contact with me.
In conversations, his gaze would often drift away, or he’d look over my shoulder. It was like he was there, but not entirely present. And when our eyes did meet, it was fleeting and lacked warmth.
Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It can convey interest, attention, and sincerity. But when someone consistently avoids making eye contact with you, it can be a subtle sign that they might not hold you in high regard.
Again, context matters. In some cultures, direct eye contact can be considered rude. But if you notice this behaviour along with other signs on this list, it could be a red flag.
3) They give you backhanded compliments
A backhanded compliment is a remark that seems like a compliment on the surface but contains a criticism. It’s a sneaky way for someone to put you down while maintaining a facade of friendliness.
For example, someone might say, “You’re really brave for wearing that outfit. I could never pull it off.” On the surface, it sounds like they’re praising your courage and unique style. But underneath, they’re implying that your outfit is unflattering or inappropriate.
Social psychology suggests that these kind of remarks are often used by people to assert dominance and make others feel inferior, all while keeping up appearances. It’s a subtle form of aggression, hidden under the guise of a compliment.
When someone gives you a compliment that leaves you feeling deflated rather than uplifted, take note. It could be a sign that they’re not as friendly as they seem.
4) They’re quick to criticize
We all make mistakes, and constructive criticism can be a valuable tool for growth. But there’s a difference between someone who offers helpful feedback and someone who’s quick to point out your flaws.
People who secretly dislike you may seize any opportunity to criticize you, often under the guise of ‘just being honest’ or ‘trying to help’. They might pick at your work, your appearance, or even your personal choices. And they’ll usually do it with a smile, making it seem like they’re just concerned for your well-being.
Genuine friends offer criticism with kindness and respect, not with an underlying tone of judgement or disdain. If someone always seems to find fault with you and rarely acknowledges your strengths, it might be a sign that their feelings towards you aren’t as friendly as they portray.
5) They rarely initiate contact
Engaging with people we like and care about is a fundamental part of human nature. We send messages, make phone calls, and plan outings because we genuinely want to spend time with these people.
However, if you notice that someone never initiates contact with you, it might be a subtle sign they don’t hold you in high regard. Sure, they may respond when you reach out or even seem pleasant when you’re together, but the fact they never make the first move could indicate their lack of genuine interest.
Of course, everyone gets busy, and some people are just naturally more reserved. But if you’re always the one reaching out and making plans, it might be time to question the sincerity of their smiles.
6) They seem distracted when you’re talking
Nothing says ‘I value you’ more than giving someone your undivided attention. It’s a simple act of respect and a sign that you genuinely care about what they have to say.
But if someone constantly seems distracted when you’re talking, it can feel hurtful. They might be checking their phone, looking around, or interrupting you to change the subject. All of these are subtle signs that they might not be as interested in your thoughts or feelings as they pretend to be.
Genuine friends listen with empathy and respect. If someone consistently fails to give you their full attention, it might be a sign that their smiles are not as heartfelt as they seem.
7) They exclude you from plans
This one is a bit of a sting, isn’t it? I’ve been there – hearing about a get-together after the fact, or seeing photos on social media of an event to which I wasn’t invited.
Being excluded from plans, especially when it’s done repeatedly, can be a clear sign that someone doesn’t regard you as highly as they might have you believe. They may come up with excuses or justifications, but the reality is if they genuinely appreciated your company, they would make an effort to include you.
It’s important to remember that true friends value your presence and want to share experiences with you. If someone regularly leaves you out of their plans, it may be time to question the sincerity behind their smile.
8) They’re overly friendly
Ironically, people who don’t genuinely like you might sometimes overdo it with their friendliness. It’s like they’re trying too hard to convince you – and themselves – that they hold you in high regard.
This can manifest in a number of ways: excessive compliments, grand gestures of kindness, or a level of enthusiasm that doesn’t quite match the situation. While it might feel good in the moment, this over-the-top friendliness can often be a mask for their true feelings.
When someone seems to be laying it on thick, take a moment to ask yourself if their actions align with their words and if their level of friendliness feels consistent and genuine. If not, there might be more to their smile than meets the eye.
9) They’re dismissive of your feelings
We all have moments of vulnerability when we need a listening ear or a comforting word. In those moments, genuine friends show empathy and understanding. They validate our feelings, even when they can’t fully comprehend our experiences.
However, someone who secretly dislikes you might be dismissive of your feelings. They may rush to offer unsolicited advice, change the topic, or downplay your concerns, all while maintaining a veneer of friendliness.
Everyone deserves to have their feelings acknowledged and respected. If someone consistently dismisses your emotions while pretending to be friendly, it could be a sign that their smile hides deeper negative feelings.
10) They gossip about others to you
This is a big one. If someone is constantly gossiping about others to you, there’s a good chance they’re doing the same about you when you’re not around. This behaviour is often a mask for their own insecurities and a clear sign of their lack of respect for others.
Always remember, true friends talk to you, not about you. If someone finds pleasure in spreading rumors or sharing negative stories about others, it’s likely that their friendship isn’t as genuine as it seems.
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