People who seem fine on the surface but are broken underneath usually display these 7 subtle behaviors

It’s often pretty tricky to tell what’s really going on beneath someone’s surface. Some people have mastered the art of appearing okay while wrestling with inner turmoil.

These individuals, who seem fine but are broken underneath, often exhibit certain subtle behaviors that can give them away. In fact, there are 7 key signs to watch out for.

In this article, I’m going to guide you through these signs. And remember, understanding is the first step to offering help or simply showing empathy.

Let’s dive in and uncover these 7 subtle behaviors that reveal more than meets the eye.

1) They’re experts at masking their feelings

It’s a common trait among those who carry a hidden burden – they’ve become masters at disguising their true feelings.

These individuals often develop an impressive ability to put on a ‘game face’, projecting a persona of calm, happiness, or indifference to the outside world. This mask provides a protective layer, shielding them from questions, unwanted attention, or potential judgement.

But beneath this facade, they carry emotional distress that often goes unnoticed. They might be dealing with personal struggles, mental health issues, or past traumas that aren’t visible on the surface.

This mask, however, is not foolproof. There can be cracks – subtle indications of the pain beneath. It could be a fleeting expression, a tone of voice, or an uncharacteristic reaction. Learning to spot these signs can provide a window into their hidden struggle.

Remember, though, that understanding is the first step – it’s not about prying open someone’s defenses but rather offering support and empathy when it’s needed.

2) They have an unusual reaction to certain topics

Another subtle behavior is an unexpected or unusual reaction to certain topics. This could be a sudden change in demeanor or a noticeable discomfort when a particular subject comes up.

I remember having a friend who always seemed cheerful and composed. We used to hang out, share jokes, talk about everything, from movies to politics. But whenever the topic of family came up, he would abruptly change the subject or become strangely quiet.

It took me a while to understand that his reaction was a signal of an underlying issue. I later discovered that he was dealing with a challenging family situation which he preferred to keep private.

This revelation taught me that it’s important to be mindful of such changes in behavior as they can be an indication of hidden struggles. However, it’s equally important to approach these situations with sensitivity and respect for their privacy.

3) They may seem overly jovial or cheerful

It’s quite surprising, but those carrying hidden burdens often seem excessively cheerful or jovial. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it’s a common coping mechanism.

For instance, many comedians are known for their larger-than-life personalities and ability to make others laugh. Yet, several of them have openly shared their battles with depression and other mental health issues. It’s as if they use humor as a shield, to deflect their own pain and to prevent others from seeing their inner turmoil.

Always being the ‘life of the party’ can be an attempt to hide their true feelings or to avoid confronting their deep-seated issues. This is why it’s crucial not to take a person’s overt cheerfulness at face value, as there might be much more lurking beneath the surface.

4) They are often overly helpful or self-sacrificing

People who are struggling internally often exhibit an extraordinary willingness to help others. They are usually the first ones to offer their assistance, go out of their way to support their friends, and even put others’ needs before their own.

This self-sacrificing behavior can be a way of diverting attention from their own problems, or sometimes, it’s an attempt to find validation and self-worth. They may believe that by being indispensable to others, they can distract themselves from their personal pain.

However, this constant giving can lead to burnout and further emotional distress. It’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is – a sign of underlying issues – and offer support instead of just accepting their help.

5) They withdraw from social activities

There was a time in my life when I started pulling away from social activities. I was usually the one organizing get-togethers, trips, or parties. But gradually, I found myself declining invitations and preferring to spend time alone.

At first, I rationalized it as needing some ‘me’ time, but later I realized it was more than that. I was dealing with feelings of sadness and anxiety that I didn’t want to share or burden others with.

Such withdrawal from social activities can be a subtle sign of someone who is internally struggling. They might isolate themselves, not because they enjoy solitude, but because they don’t want their internal turmoil to be noticed or questioned.

Recognizing this behavior can be a cue to reach out and let them know you’re there for them, without pushing them to share more than they are comfortable with.

6) They have inconsistent sleeping habits

Sleep can often be a casualty when someone is dealing with hidden emotional distress. These individuals may suffer from inconsistent sleeping habits – they could either be sleeping too much or too little.

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Sleeping excessively can be a form of escape, a way to shut out the world and avoid dealing with their problems. On the other hand, insomnia or restlessness could be a sign of anxiety or depression.

Their energy levels during the day can also provide clues. They might seem fatigued or lack enthusiasm, even after a long night’s sleep.

While it’s easy to dismiss these signs as just being ‘tired’, it’s important to note that chronic sleep issues can be indicative of deeper emotional struggles. Providing a listening ear or encouraging them to seek professional help can make a huge difference.

7) They are exceptionally hard on themselves

The most telling sign of all might be how they treat themselves. Those dealing with hidden struggles often have a harsh internal critic. They set impossibly high standards and berate themselves for any perceived failures.

This self-criticism can be relentless and damaging, further exacerbating their emotional distress. They may downplay their achievements and amplify their mistakes, constantly feeling like they’re not good enough.

Understanding this behavior is crucial because it’s often the hardest to spot. It requires empathy, patience, and a genuine effort to see beyond their self-deprecating facade. Offering reassurance, positive reinforcement, and non-judgmental support can provide some respite from their internal critic.

Final thought: It’s about empathy

Human behavior is a complex tapestry, woven with threads of emotions, experiences, and innate personality traits. Those who seem fine on the surface but are broken underneath embody this complexity in its deepest sense.

The psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.” This simple yet profound statement holds a powerful truth. The struggles that feel so uniquely our own are often shared by others in different ways and forms.

Recognizing these 7 subtle behaviors in people around us is not just about identifying signs of hidden struggles. It’s about fostering a culture of understanding, empathy, and compassion.

It’s about realizing that everyone is fighting their own battles, and sometimes, those battles are hidden beneath a well-crafted facade. It’s about offering support when needed, space when required, and acceptance always.

Remember, your understanding could be the lifeline someone didn’t know they needed. So let’s strive to see beyond the surface and make empathy our second nature.

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Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is a renowned expert in mindfulness, relationships, and personal development. With over a decade of experience, Lachlan has dedicated his career to exploring the intricacies of human behavior and self-improvement. For his latest articles and updates, follow him on Facebook here

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