A close bond with our children is something we all desire, regardless of their age. This bond doesn’t just happen by chance, though. It’s a result of certain behaviors and traits.
Those who manage to maintain a tight-knit relationship with their kids as they grow older usually exhibit some common characteristics. They’re not secret superpowers, but rather attitudes and actions that foster connection and communication.
In this article, we’re going to explore 5 of these key traits. These aren’t rules set in stone but rather guidelines that can help you strengthen your relationship with your children as they age. Stick around to discover what they are!
1) Vulnerability
When our kids are young, it’s important for them to see us as strong and dependable.
But as they grow older, maintaining a close bond often requires loosening the reins a little and letting go of the need to appear perfect.
Perfection might seem admirable, but it’s neither believable nor relatable. Showing vulnerability allows your children to see you as human—someone with their own challenges, mistakes, and emotions. It creates a space for mutual understanding and builds trust.
As researcher and author Brené Brown so beautifully said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
By being honest about your struggles, admitting when you’re wrong, or sharing your fears and hopes, you demonstrate authenticity. This openness encourages your children to do the same, strengthening your connection and fostering deeper conversations as they grow older.
Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing—it’s about creating a safe, authentic space for genuine connection.
2) Non-judgmental listening
This is a big one.
As parents, it’s easy to become critical of our kids.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we often see them as mini versions of ourselves and impose the same sort of judgments and criticisms on them that we do on ourselves.
But this is a mistake.
Constant criticism, even when well-intentioned, can create barriers and make your children feel judged rather than supported. Over time, this can lead to them shutting down, avoiding honest conversations, or even distancing themselves emotionally.
Non-judgmental listening, on the other hand, is a powerful tool for building trust and connection. When you listen to your children with an open mind—without immediately jumping in to correct, criticize, or give advice—you show them that their thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or let go of parental guidance entirely. It’s about giving them the space to express themselves without fear of judgment. As your kids grow older, they’ll value this safe, supportive environment and feel more comfortable opening up to you about their lives.
The next time your child shares something, resist the urge to interrupt or critique. Instead, listen fully, ask thoughtful questions, and let them know you’re there for them—unconditionally.
3) Respect for boundaries
We’ve all felt the urge to step in and take control when it comes to our kids’ decisions, right?
And when they were young, that’s exactly what we did—it was our job to protect them, and if that meant making choices on their behalf or stepping into their personal space, so be it.
However, as they grow older, this approach no longer works. Our kids develop their own lives, goals, and needs, and respecting their boundaries becomes essential. It’s about recognizing that they’re individuals with the right to make their own choices, even if those choices differ from what we might prefer.
This idea is well-supported by experts. Parent coach and psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, for instance, wrote in a Psychology Today post, “Respecting the boundaries and autonomy of adult children is essential for fostering mutual respect and trust.”
By honoring their space—both physical and emotional—you show your kids that you value them as independent adults. This doesn’t mean stepping away entirely; it means being available when they ask for support while trusting them to navigate their own challenges.
4) Consistency
A trait I personally found to be of great importance is consistency.
Growing up, my mom was a constant in my life. Whether it was attending every one of my school plays, having dinner together as a family, or our weekend movie nights – she was always there. This built a sense of security and trust in our relationship.
As kids, we thrived on routines and regularity. It gave us a sense of security knowing what to expect. This didn’t change much as we grew older. The consistency in her presence and her actions reassured us that she was someone we could always rely on.
Now, as a parent myself, I strive to maintain the same consistency with my own children. I make sure I’m there for them consistently – not just physically, but emotionally too.
Consistency isn’t about being rigid or inflexible. It’s about being a steady, reliable presence in your child’s life – no matter how old they get. And I believe that this is key to maintaining a close bond with your children as they grow older.
5) Quality time
Regardless of how old your children get, spending quality time together remains essential.
Quality time is about more than just being in the same room. It’s about engaging with each other, sharing experiences, making memories, and showing your child that they are important to you.
Whether it’s a family dinner, a movie night, or a weekend getaway, these moments can foster deeper connections and mutual understanding.
Never underestimate the power of quality time. It’s one of the most impactful ways to maintain a close bond with your children as they get older.
Final thoughts
Building a strong bond with your children as they grow older isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up with authenticity, respect, and love.
By embracing traits like vulnerability, non-judgmental listening, and respect for boundaries, and prioritizing consistency and quality time, you can foster a relationship that thrives over the years.
These connections take effort, but they’re worth it. After all, the bond you share with your children is one of life’s most rewarding relationships.
So, take the time, make the effort, and cherish the journey together.
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