There’s a thin line between being genuinely kind and faking it to get what you want. This line often gets blurred by individuals who’ve mastered the art of manipulation.
These people can be tricky to spot because they hide behind a façade of kindness and goodwill. But look a little closer, and you’ll notice that their ‘kindness’ is often a ploy to control situations and people.
In this article, we’ll explore the 8 manipulative traits often displayed by those who fake kindness. It’s time to learn how to identify these traits, not to judge, but to protect ourselves from manipulation. We’re about to pull back the curtain on these fake do-gooders. Let’s get started.
1) They are overly sweet
There’s kindness, and then there’s excessive sweetness that borders on being insincere. People who fake kindness often fall into this category.
These individuals are excessively nice to everyone, almost to the point of being unnatural. This over-the-top sweetness is not because they genuinely care about everyone but rather because they want something in return.
It’s important to remember that genuine kindness is not about going overboard with niceties. It’s about showing empathy and caring for others without expecting anything in return.
So, if you come across someone who is always too sweet and too kind, it might be time to question their motives. Keep in mind, this isn’t about being cynical; it’s about protecting yourself from potential manipulation.
Remember, real kindness doesn’t come with an ulterior motive. It’s selfless and unconditional. So when sweetness seems forced or exaggerated, it’s time to raise an eyebrow.
2) They use guilt as a weapon
Ever met someone who makes you constantly feel guilty? I sure have.
I once had a ‘friend’ who would always play the victim card. This person would do me a favor and then constantly remind me of that favor, making me feel indebted. The guilt was used as a tool to manipulate me into doing what they wanted.
This is a classic trait of people who fake kindness. They use guilt to get others to comply with their wishes. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can be hard to recognize until you’re deep into the dynamic.
In my case, it took me a while to understand that true kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Genuine acts are done out of goodwill, not to be used as future leverage.
So if you find yourself feeling guilty around someone who is supposedly ‘kind’, take a step back and examine their intentions. Real kindness does not make you feel indebted. It frees you, it doesn’t chain you.
3) They are overly complimentary
Compliments can be a wonderful way to uplift others and make them feel good. But did you know that too many compliments can also be a sign of manipulation?
Individuals who fake kindness often use flattery as a tool to win you over. They’ll shower you with compliments, often about superficial things, to make you feel special. It’s a clever way to gain your trust and lower your defenses.
But here’s the catch: the compliments often lack depth and sincerity. They’re generic, not specific to you or your actions. And in time, the constant flattery can start to feel hollow and insincere.
Remember, genuine compliments are specific, timely, and most importantly, sincere. They’re not used as a tool to get what one wants but as a genuine expression of admiration or appreciation. So beware of those who compliment too much – it may be a sign they’re not as kind as they seem.
4) They always play the victim
Ever noticed how some people always seem to be at the mercy of others or circumstances? It’s never their fault, and they’re always the victim. It’s a classic trait of those who fake kindness.
These individuals have a knack for manipulating situations to make themselves appear as the victim. This strategy serves two purposes: it diverts attention away from their manipulative behavior and evokes sympathy from others.
Playing the victim allows them to justify their actions, no matter how hurtful or unfair. After all, they’re just ‘defending’ themselves, right? It’s a sneaky way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions while maintaining an image of innocence.
If someone consistently portrays themselves as a victim, be wary. Genuine kindness doesn’t involve manipulation or playing the victim, it involves empathy, understanding, and fairness.
5) They exploit your vulnerabilities
One of the most heartbreaking traits of those who fake kindness is their tendency to exploit the vulnerabilities of others.
We all have vulnerabilities – insecurities, fears, past traumas. These are deeply personal aspects of our lives that we often share with those we trust. However, those who fake kindness may use these vulnerabilities against us.
They make you feel safe and understood, encouraging you to open up about your deepest fears and insecurities. And then, they use this information to manipulate and control you. It’s a betrayal of trust that can leave deep emotional scars.
Remember, true kindness involves respecting others’ vulnerabilities, not exploiting them. Genuine people will use your shared secrets to support and comfort you, not to manipulate or control you. So if someone uses your vulnerabilities against you, it’s a clear sign they’re not as kind as they seem.
6) They are always there… too much
At first, it might feel nice to have someone always there, ready to help at a moment’s notice. It was like that with a former colleague of mine. They were always available, always eager to assist, regardless of the situation.
But over time, I started noticing that this constant availability wasn’t just about being helpful. There was a pattern. They would help, then subtly use that favor to steer decisions in their favor or influence my actions.
This kind of behavior is another common trait of those who fake kindness. They’re always there, but not just out of goodwill. It’s more about keeping themselves in the loop and maintaining a certain level of control.
So if you notice someone who is excessively available and helpful, take a moment to consider their motivations. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with hidden agendas. It’s selfless and pure, not controlling or manipulative.
7) They have a need for constant appreciation
We all enjoy a little appreciation for our efforts. But for people who fake kindness, appreciation isn’t just enjoyed – it’s expected.
These individuals constantly seek validation and praise for their ‘kind’ actions. They want to be seen as the hero, the good guy, and they crave constant recognition for their deeds.
This need for constant appreciation isn’t about boosting their self-esteem. It’s about maintaining control and influence. The more they’re appreciated, the more influence they gain.
So if you notice someone who always seeks appreciation for their acts of ‘kindness’, be cautious. Genuine kindness is often quiet and unassuming. It doesn’t seek applause or recognition, it simply exists to make the world a better place, one act at a time.
8) They rarely show kindness to themselves
The ultimate red flag of people who fake kindness is their inability to be kind to themselves. They are often overly critical and rarely show themselves the same level of ‘kindness’ they show others.
This discrepancy is a clear sign that their kindness towards others is not genuine. If they truly valued kindness, they would practice it in all areas of their life, including towards themselves.
Remember, true kindness starts from within. Individuals who are genuinely kind understand this and are as compassionate and understanding towards themselves as they are towards others. So if someone is always kind to others but rarely to themselves, it’s time to question their sincerity.
Final thought: It’s about understanding, not judging
At the heart of it all, recognizing these manipulative traits isn’t about passing judgment. It’s about understanding human behavior and protecting ourselves from potential harm.
We all have the capacity to be manipulative, just as we all have the capacity to be kind. It’s a matter of choice and self-awareness. True kindness is genuine, selfless, and without hidden agendas.
If you find someone displaying these traits, remember, it’s not your job to change them. Your responsibility is to yourself – to understand the situation and make the best decisions for your emotional well-being.
In the end, it’s about fostering authentic connections built on mutual respect and genuine kindness. And perhaps, through understanding and awareness, we can help others do the same.
