Sometimes, we’re so caught up in our own habits that we don’t see how they affect the people we love the most.
It’s not intentional—it’s just human nature.
As a Life Transition coach and the creator of Reset Your Life Compass, I’ve seen this play out time and again, especially with parents and their adult children.
If you’re a parent who doesn’t talk to your grown kids as often as you’d like, it’s easy to feel stuck or unsure about how things got here.
But trust me, you’re not alone, and it’s not too late to turn things around.
In this piece, I’ll walk you through eight subtle but powerful behaviors that could be contributing to this distance—things you might not even realize you’re doing.
1) Unintentional detachment
It’s an interesting aspect of human nature, our ability to adapt to situations, even those that aren’t necessarily healthy or beneficial for us.
One common behavior I’ve noticed among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children is an unintentional detachment.
They might not even realize it, but their actions and attitudes often reflect a certain distance.
This detachment isn’t about indifference or a lack of love.
Instead, it’s a coping mechanism that kicks in when faced with the pain of strained relationships or missed connections.
However, recognizing this behavior is the first step towards change.
It’s about acknowledging the distance and committing to bridge it.
As we navigate our way through this journey, remember that change isn’t a sign of weakness or failure.
It’s about growth and moving towards a more fulfilling life.
2) Overcompensation in other relationships
In my years as a Life Transition coach, I’ve seen how the subconscious mind can play tricks on us.
When there’s a void in one area of our lives, we tend to overcompensate in other areas.
Parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children often tend to overinvest emotionally in other relationships.
It could be a close friend, a pet, or even a hobby.
This behavior is often subconscious and it’s their way of filling that emotional void.
I love this quote by Carl Jung: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
It’s so true, isn’t it?
We often don’t realize how our subconscious behaviors can shape our lives.
Understanding yourself and your core values can make a big difference in these situations.
That’s why I’ve created the Defining Your Values Exercise.
It’s a tool designed to help you identify what matters most to you, thereby helping you understand your actions better.
3) Lack of meaningful goals
It’s a harsh truth, but sometimes we lose sight of our goals in life.
We get so caught up in the day-to-day routines that we forget to look ahead and plan for our future.
This is especially common among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
Without that regular interaction, it can be easy to lose sight of the bigger picture.
We might forget to set meaningful goals for ourselves – aspirations that go beyond our immediate needs and circumstances.
In fact, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that goal-setting is closely linked to higher levels of life satisfaction and a greater sense of purpose, particularly in older adults.
The problem with this is that without goals, we can feel aimless and lost.
We might even find ourselves stuck in a rut, unsure of how to move forward.
But it’s never too late to set new goals.
Whether they’re big or small, personal or professional, having something to strive for can give your life a sense of purpose and direction.
4) Feeling of losing control
One of the most unsettling feelings in life is the sense that you’re not in the driver’s seat; that you’re not in control of your own journey.
This feeling often creeps up on parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
The lack of daily interactions, the missed milestones, the conversations that never happened – all these can lead to a feeling of losing control over one’s life direction.
But here’s a raw truth: sometimes, we need to let go of the illusion of control.
Life can be unpredictable, and while we can guide our path, we can’t always control every outcome.
Recognizing this can be liberating.
It allows you to focus on what you can influence – your actions, your attitudes, your responses to different situations.
5) Neglecting self-reflection
Often, in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to pause and reflect on our thoughts and feelings.
This is especially common among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
The lack of interaction can sometimes lead to a discontinuity in self-reflection.
Journaling is a powerful tool for self-reflection.
It’s like holding up a mirror to your thoughts, allowing you to understand your feelings better and gain clarity about your actions.
It’s more than just putting pen to paper; it’s about initiating a dialogue with yourself.
My course, Reset Your Life Compass, offers useful insights into the art of journaling and how it can help you navigate your life’s journey more effectively.
If you’ve been neglecting self-reflection, it’s time to pick up that journal.
Write your thoughts, pour out your feelings – let it be a tool for understanding yourself better.
6) Struggling with habit change
Changing habits is one of the most challenging endeavors in life.
It’s a struggle that often becomes more evident among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
The lack of regular interactions can lead to the formation of habits that aren’t necessarily beneficial or fulfilling.
You might find yourself stuck in routines that no longer serve you or resonate with your life’s goals. But remember, habits aren’t set in stone.
They can be changed.
The key to successful habit change is understanding that it’s a process, not an event.
It requires time, patience, and consistent effort.
It’s about making small, incremental changes that over time, add up to a significant transformation.
Research indicates that forming a new habit can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on the complexity of the behavior and individual differences.
If you’re struggling with changing your habits, know that you’re not alone.
It’s a common challenge, but also an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
Don’t shy away from it.
Instead, embrace it as a stepping stone towards living a better life.
7) A sense of purposelessness
There’s a raw and honest truth that many of us grapple with at some point in our lives: the feeling of purposelessness.
It’s a deep-seated sense that we’re just going through the motions, without any real meaning or direction.
This feeling can be particularly prevalent among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
It’s a profound statement about the power of purpose in our lives.
Having a sense of purpose not only gives our lives direction but also equips us to handle life’s challenges more effectively.
Finding your purpose isn’t a one-time event.
It’s a journey.
A journey that involves introspection, self-discovery, and embracing change.
To help you on this journey, I’ve created a video below with some practical tips: Tips for finding your purpose in life.
I hope it brings you some clarity and direction as you navigate your path towards finding meaning and purpose.
8) Suppressing authenticity
Here’s a counterintuitive truth: sometimes, the more we try to fit in, the more we lose ourselves.
This is a behavior I’ve often noticed among parents who aren’t in regular contact with their adult children.
In an attempt to mitigate the distance, they sometimes suppress their true selves, their authenticity.
Authenticity is about being true to who you are and not being afraid to show it.
It’s about living in alignment with your values and beliefs, even if they don’t always conform to societal norms or expectations.
Suppressing your authenticity can lead to feelings of discontentment and unease.
According to a study, neglecting personal values can significantly impact mental well-being, leading to increased stress and anxiety.
But the good news is that it’s never too late to start living authentically.
If you’ve been suppressing your true self, take a moment to reconnect with who you really are.
Embrace your uniqueness, your quirks, your passions.
Remember, living authentically isn’t about fitting in; it’s about standing out for who you truly are.
Navigating the complexities of parent-adult child relationships isn’t always easy.
But recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards bridging the gap and fostering a more meaningful connection.
We all have the power to change our lives, our behaviors, and our relationships.
It’s never too late to start living more authentically, to set meaningful goals, and to steer your life in a direction that aligns with your true values.
Through my course, Reset Your Life Compass, I offer guidance, tools, and strategies to help you navigate these transitions effectively.
It’s about resetting your compass, finding your true north, and embarking on a journey towards a more fulfilling life.
So don’t wait.
Start your journey towards change today.
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