Marriage is a lifelong commitment, but what happens when it’s driven by family expectations rather than personal desire?
People who feel pressured into tying the knot often exhibit certain behaviors that reflect their internal struggle.
From avoidance of deeper connection to feelings of being trapped, these actions can significantly impact the relationship’s health.
Psychology highlights eight key behaviors to look out for, offering a clearer picture of how family influence can complicate love and commitment:
1) Masking true emotions
Emotions are a roller coaster ride.
They surge without warning, engulfing us in their tide, and it’s not always easy to shake them off.
All we can do is brace ourselves and ride the wave till it subsides.
But for those pressured into marriage, it’s a different story altogether.
They’re often skilled at concealing their true feelings, becoming masters of disguise.
It’s not their fault, really.
It’s just a survival mechanism, a way to cope with the pressure and meet the expectations thrust upon them.
They smile when they’re expected to, laugh at the right moments, and show excitement when the situation demands it.
But beneath the surface, they’re often wrestling with a storm of conflicting emotions.
If you’re one of these people, your emotions become your secret language, your private narrative that tells a story vastly different from what others see.
2) Seeking validation
Now, let’s talk about validation.
We all crave it to some extent, right? A pat on the back, a word of praise – it’s human nature to seek acknowledgment for our actions and choices.
But for those pushed into marriage, this need for validation can become amplified.
I’ve seen it firsthand.
A dear friend of mine was cornered into an arranged marriage.
She was always seeking approval – from her spouse, her in-laws, even her own family.
Every decision she made, every step she took was accompanied by a desperate need for validation.
She’d constantly ask if she was doing the right thing, if she was making everyone happy; it was as if she had lost confidence in her own judgment.
I could see that her constant need for validation was a way of compensifying for the lack of control she felt over her own life.
3) Avoiding confrontation
In any relationship, disputes are inevitable.
They’re a part of the package, a natural consequence of two individuals with unique perspectives cohabiting.
But for those who’ve been pressured into marriage, confrontations can be particularly challenging.
They often adopt an avoidance strategy to keep the peace, choosing to sweep issues under the rug rather than address them head-on.
This behavior is not uncommon; according to a study published in the National Institutes of Health, individuals who feel cornered into a relationship are more likely to avoid confrontations in order to maintain a semblance of harmony.
They’d rather hide their discontent and bury their feelings than risk upsetting their partner or causing a scene.
4) Overcompensating in roles
The roles we play in a relationship can often define the dynamics of that relationship.
But when forced into a marriage, these roles can become a minefield, especially if they don’t align with one’s true desires or abilities.
In such cases, people often overcompensate to fit into these roles.
If they’re expected to be the provider, they might work tirelessly to prove their worth.
If they’re expected to be the homemaker, they might go overboard trying to create an ideal home environment.
It’s as if they’re trying to fill a mold that doesn’t quite fit them, stretching and contorting themselves to meet expectations.
It’s like wearing a shoe that’s a size too small – uncomfortable and restrictive, yet endured for the sake of appearances.
5) Suppressing personal desires
We all have dreams and desires.
They’re part of what makes us who we are.
However, when pushed into a marriage, these personal desires often take a backseat.
I’ve seen it happen with friends and acquaintances – their aspirations become secondary, their dreams shelved indefinitely.
I remember a college buddy of mine who loved painting.
He had the talent and the passion for it.
But after his family pressured him into a marriage, he stopped pursuing his art.
It was as if he’d locked away a part of himself, suppressing his true desires to fulfill his role as a husband.
It’s like being asked to silence your inner voice, to stifle your spirit.
6) Prioritizing others’ happiness
When you think about a relationship, you’d naturally expect it to be a source of happiness for both parties involved, right?
But for those who are pressured into marriage, they often find themselves prioritizing the happiness of others over their own.
They go out of their way to please their partner, their in-laws, their family, often at the cost of their own contentment.
It’s a strange paradox.
They’re in a relationship that should ideally bring them joy, but they’re more concerned about ensuring everyone else is happy.
It’s like being at a feast but choosing to starve so others can eat.
A selfless act, yes. But at what cost?
7) Struggling with self-expression
Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship.
It’s through expressing our thoughts and feelings that we achieve understanding and intimacy with our partners.
But for those pushed into a marriage, self-expression can be a real struggle.
They might hold back their thoughts, shy away from expressing their needs, or even downplay their feelings to avoid causing any discomfort.
It’s like being in a crowded room but feeling voiceless.
You’re part of the conversation, yet you can’t seem to get your words across.
And that’s not just frustrating; it can also lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness within the relationship.
8) Grappling with guilt
The most profound and often unspoken behavior displayed by those pressured into marriage is guilt.
They feel guilty for not being content, guilty for not meeting expectations, guilty for longing for something different.
This guilt can be a heavy burden, casting a long shadow over their relationship and their life.
Even when they wear a smile, even when they play their roles perfectly, this guilt lingers in the background, a constant reminder of the life they wished they had chosen.
It’s a silent battle, fought behind closed doors, often unseen but deeply felt.
Understanding the unspoken
If you’ve come this far, you may be reflecting on these behaviors, recognizing them in others or even yourself.
Remember, these behaviors aren’t signs of weakness or failure—they’re coping mechanisms in response to complex situations.
Those who exhibit them are often doing their best, showing resilience and adaptability.
They deserve empathy and understanding.
Awareness of these behaviors isn’t just about recognizing them; it’s about fostering compassion and sparking conversations that can lead to change.
As the renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
So let’s not just read and move on: let’s reflect, understand, and most importantly—let’s extend our compassion to those who need it the most!
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