We all know that saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover”, right? Well, sometimes, the most charming people can hide a darker side.
On the surface, they may appear kind, but beneath that exterior, they might be quite mean. And believe it or not, these individuals often exhibit 7 specific behaviors that give them away.
Unmasking these behaviors is crucial to understanding their true nature.
Let’s dive in and explore these tell-tale signs so you can recognize when someone’s kindness might just be a façade.
1) They’re excessively charming
Ever met someone who just seems too good to be true? Well, sometimes, they might just be.
People who are kind on the surface but mean underneath often use charm as a disguise. It’s their secret weapon to win you over and make you believe they are genuinely nice.
But this charm is often excessive and feels forced. It’s like they’re performing a well-rehearsed play, and you’re the audience. They know exactly what to say and when to say it, to keep you drawn in and oblivious to their mean streak.
While it may be enchanting at first, with time, you’ll notice this charm doesn’t align with their actions. They may say all the right things, but when it comes down to showing genuine kindness through their deeds, they fall short.
Excessive charm can be a red flag. It’s important not to get carried away by sweet words and to observe people’s actions closely. Actions, after all, speak louder than words.
2) Their kindness seems conditional
You know, I remember an old friend of mine who was always the life of the party. She would light up any room she walked into with her sparkling personality. She used to be generous with compliments and seemed genuinely interested in everyone’s lives.
But, over time, I began to notice a pattern. Her kindness seemed to have a condition attached. If you were in a position to do something for her or you held some influence, she was all sweet and attentive. But if you couldn’t benefit her in any way, she would suddenly turn cold and distant.
I realized that her kindness was not genuine but was strategic. It was a means to an end, a tool she used to manipulate others into doing things for her.
Based on my experience, watch out for those whose kindness seems conditional. Genuine kindness is unconditional and doesn’t change based on what someone can or can’t do for you.
3) They’re quick to take credit but slow to take responsibility
People who are kind on the surface but mean underneath often have a knack for being in the spotlight when things go right, but they’re mysteriously absent when things go wrong. They’re the first to take credit for a shared success but vanish into thin air when it’s time to shoulder responsibility for a failure.
This behavior stems from a psychological phenomenon known as self-serving bias. Self-serving bias leads people to attribute positive outcomes to their own actions and negative outcomes to external factors.
So next time, observe if someone is always ready to soak up praise but becomes elusive when it’s time to face the music. It could be a sign that their kindness is merely a facade to mask their true nature.
4) They often belittle others under the guise of humor
Humor is a great way to lighten up a conversation and bond with others. However, there are those who misuse it as a weapon to belittle or demean others subtly.
People who are kind on the surface but mean underneath often resort to this tactic. They’ll make a derogatory comment or insult someone and then quickly cover it up with a laugh or a “just kidding” disclaimer. But the sting of their words remains.
This tactic allows them to express their mean side without facing direct consequences, as anyone who takes offense can be accused of not having a sense of humor.
If you notice someone frequently making others the butt of their jokes, it might be a sign that their kindness is not as genuine as it seems.
5) They use backhanded compliments
There was a time when a colleague of mine complimented my presentation skills. She said, “You did a great job, I never expected you to pull it off.” I was initially pleased with the compliment, but then it hit me – it was a backhanded compliment. She was praising me and subtly putting me down at the same time.
People who are kind on the surface but mean underneath often use backhanded compliments to undermine others. It’s a sly way of appearing nice while actually expressing disapproval or criticism.
These compliments can be confusing and hurtful, as they leave you questioning their intent and your self-worth. So, be wary of these disguised insults. Genuine compliments uplift rather than undermine.
6) They’re always playing the victim
One common trait of people who are kind on the surface but mean underneath is that they often portray themselves as victims.
No matter the situation, they are always the ones who have been wronged, misunderstood, or taken advantage of. This tactic helps them gain sympathy and shift blame to others.
While it’s normal to be a victim in certain circumstances, a perpetual victim mindset is a sign of manipulative behavior. It allows them to escape responsibility for their actions and justify their mean behavior.
If someone is always playing the victim card, it might be time to reassess their so-called kindness. Genuine kind people take accountability for their actions and don’t use their past experiences as an excuse to mistreat others.
7) They have a dual personality
The most telling sign of people who are kind on the surface but mean underneath is their dual personality. They are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Around some people, they are the epitome of kindness, while around others, they show their mean side.
This change in behavior is not due to different situations or moods. Instead, it’s a calculated strategy to maintain a positive image while being mean to those they believe won’t harm their reputation.
This dual personality is a clear indication that their kindness is not genuine but a mask they wear when it suits them. Remember, true kindness doesn’t fluctuate based on the audience.
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