People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often display these 7 specific behaviors

There’s a vast difference between being genuinely friendly and being friendly but with an ulterior motive.

This difference boils down to authenticity. People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often have hidden agendas behind their smiles.

While it’s not always easy to spot these individuals, they often exhibit several specific behaviors that can tip you off to their true intentions.

In this article, we’ll explore 7 behaviors that these seemingly friendly yet manipulative people frequently display.

Let’s dive in and help you arm yourself with knowledge.

1) Overly charming

There’s a significant distinction between being genuinely charming and being excessively charming.

People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use charm as their first line of attack. It’s their way of disarming you, making you feel comfortable and special.

Imagine this. You meet someone who showers you in compliments, laughs at your jokes, and makes you feel like the most important person in the room. Sounds great, right?

But here’s the catch – this excessive charm often masks their real intentions. They’re not being friendly because they genuinely like you, but because they want something from you.

It’s a game for them, a power play coated in sweet words and warm smiles. And the moment they get what they want, the charm often disappears or gets redirected to someone else.

Therefore, beware of overly charming people. Real charm doesn’t feel forced or overwhelming, but natural and sincere. Don’t let yourself be fooled by a dazzling smile hiding manipulative motives.

2) Frequent guilt trips

Guilt is a powerful tool in the hands of a manipulator, and trust me, I’ve experienced this first-hand.

A few years back, I had a friend who was a master at using guilt to get what he wanted. On the surface, he was the nicest guy you’d ever meet. But whenever he needed something, he had a way of twisting situations to make me feel guilty if I couldn’t help.

For instance, if he needed a ride and I was busy, he’d say something like, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just walk in the rain. No worries.” It was never an outright demand but always framed in a way that would make me feel bad for not being available.

I soon began to realize that this was not just friendly banter but a manipulative tactic. He was constantly making me feel guilty for not prioritizing his needs over mine.

3) Playing the victim

When it comes to manipulation, playing the victim is a classic move.

This behavior might seem surprising, but according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people often play the victim to gain control and influence over others.

People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use their supposed victimhood to gain sympathy and manipulate others into doing what they want. They always have a sad story to tell or a problem that they’re facing, and they’re never at fault.

The goal is simple – to make you feel sorry for them, so you’ll be more inclined to help or agree with them. But the reality is, they’re using their ‘victim’ status as a tool of control.

Always be wary of individuals who play the victim card too often – it might be their way of manipulating you.

4) Selective memory

Another behavior often displayed by people who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath is a selective memory.

They seem to remember things in a way that best suits their narrative. For instance, they might conveniently forget promises they made or exaggerate situations to make themselves look good or innocent.

This selective memory is not about forgetting; it’s about twisting reality to fit their agenda. This behavior can be confusing and can make you second-guess your own recollection of events.

Always trust your instincts and keep track of such inconsistencies. If you find someone consistently altering facts or conveniently forgetting crucial details, it could be a sign of underlying manipulation.

5) Constant flattery

Flattery is a powerful tool, and when used genuinely, it can create strong connections. But in the hands of a manipulator, it can be a cunning tactic to get what they want.

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I once knew someone who always knew the right thing to say. She was full of compliments and praise, often lavishing me with words that made me feel special. It felt good at first, but over time, I began to notice a pattern.

Her flattery usually came when she wanted something from me. If she needed a favor or wanted me to agree with her, she would butter me up with compliments. And once she got what she wanted, the praise would suddenly vanish.

I eventually realized that her constant flattery was not genuine but a manipulative tool to sway my decisions.

So remember, constant flattery that seems too good to be true probably is. Be aware of people who use compliments as currency – it’s often a sign of manipulation hidden beneath friendliness.

6) Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a potent weapon in a manipulator’s arsenal. People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use it to control others.

Here’s how it works: they prey on your fears, vulnerabilities, and insecurities to get what they want. They might threaten to end the relationship, express extreme disappointment, or make you feel like you’re the cause of their unhappiness if you don’t comply with their wishes.

This is a form of psychological manipulation that can be very damaging. It’s important to recognize these behaviors for what they are – manipulation tactics. Stand firm in your decisions, and don’t let someone else’s emotional blackmail sway you.

7) They never apologize

The most telling sign of a person who is friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath is their inability to apologize.

Despite their wrongdoings, they rarely admit their faults or offer genuine apologies. Instead, they twist the narrative, play the victim, or even blame you for their actions.

This is because admitting fault would shatter the image they’ve built of themselves. So they’ll do anything to avoid it, even if it means never saying sorry.

Everyone makes mistakes. But a genuine person will acknowledge them and apologize sincerely. If someone consistently avoids apologizing for their wrongs, it’s a strong indicator of manipulative behavior.