We all know someone who has a knack for steering every conversation back to themselves. It’s intriguing, and sometimes frustrating, how they always manage to twist the topic to their own experiences or ideas.
According to psychology, this habit isn’t random. People who constantly redirect talks towards themselves often share a set of common traits.
In this article, we’ll be exploring these 8 traits. It might help you understand why your friend, colleague, or relative always seems to hijack your conversations. Spoiler alert: it’s usually not about you, it’s about them.
1) Desire for attention
We all crave attention to some extent, it’s part of being human. But people who often turn conversations back to themselves tend to have an amplified desire for attention.
Psychology suggests that this behavior might stem from feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem. They might feel the need to constantly assert their presence and worth, and one way they do this is by dominating conversations.
Remember, it’s not so much about you but a reflection of their inner state. They are not trying to dismiss your experiences or ideas, they’re just struggling to feel seen and heard.
Recognizing this trait can help you interact with them more effectively. Listening and validating their thoughts can go a long way in building stronger connections, while also gently encouraging them to do the same for others.
2) Struggle with empathy
In my own experience, I’ve noticed that those who constantly swing conversations back towards themselves often struggle with empathy.
Take my old friend, let’s call him John. We’d often catch up over coffee, but these meetups would always revolve around him – his work, his life, and his problems.
One day, I was going through a tough time and tried to share my feelings with him. But before I could finish, he cut me off and started discussing a similar problem he faced years ago. It was clear he was trying to relate, but the conversation quickly turned into another monologue about John’s life.
Psychologists suggest that this trait might be linked to their difficulty in understanding or sharing the feelings of others. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to be insensitive, they just struggle to empathize effectively.
Recognizing this can help us respond more patiently and guide the conversation in a way that fosters mutual understanding and respect.
3) High level of competitiveness
People who habitually steer conversations back to themselves often exhibit a high level of competitiveness. They view life as a constant race, where they must emerge as the ‘winner’ in every situation, including conversations.
In fact, studies have shown that competitive individuals are more likely to engage in self-focused speech. They see conversations not as an exchange of ideas, but as a platform to assert their dominance or superiority.
This trait can make conversations feel more like interrogations or debates, rather than a mutual exchange of thoughts and experiences. Understanding this can help us approach these individuals with more patience and tact, fostering healthier and more balanced interactions.
4) Lack of active listening skills
Ever tried to share something with someone, only to be interrupted midway with a story about them? That’s a common trait among people who often turn conversations back to themselves.
This habit often stems from a lack of active listening skills. Active listening involves fully concentrating on, understanding, responding to, and then remembering what is being said. It’s a skill that requires practice and patience.
Unfortunately, individuals who constantly redirect conversations tend to focus more on what they want to say next rather than listening to what is being shared. They’re already formulating their next anecdote or argument in their mind while you’re still speaking.
Recognizing this trait can help us navigate conversations with them more effectively and perhaps even guide them toward better listening habits.
5) Need for validation
Beneath the surface of those who constantly turn conversations back to themselves, there often lies a deep-seated need for validation.
These individuals may have grown up in environments where they felt overlooked or undervalued. As a result, they may feel compelled to seize every conversation as an opportunity to prove their worth or validate their experiences.
It’s not that they want to overshadow others, it’s just that they’re still searching for that reassurance that their feelings, thoughts, and experiences matter. This understanding can help us approach such individuals with more empathy and kindness, helping them feel seen and heard without the need to dominate every conversation.
6) Difficulty with vulnerability
I remember a time when sharing personal struggles felt like admitting defeat. It was easier to take control of the conversation and steer it towards my accomplishments, rather than expose the areas where I felt weak or uncertain.
People who often turn the conversation back to themselves might also struggle with vulnerability. They might fear that opening up about their own insecurities or failures could make them appear weak or flawed.
Instead, they fill the conversation with their achievements or experiences, creating a protective barrier against potential criticism or judgement. Recognizing this trait can help us create a safe space for open and honest conversation, encouraging them to let their guard down and share more authentically.
7) Overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy
Turning every conversation back to oneself can also be a way of overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy.
These individuals might feel that they are not interesting, intelligent, or accomplished enough. As a result, they might try to prove their worth by dominating conversations and highlighting their achievements or experiences.
This constant need to prove themselves often stems from a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Understanding this can help us approach these individuals with more empathy, gently reminding them that they don’t need to prove their worth to be valued or respected.
8) Lack of self-awareness
One of the most crucial traits shared by people who constantly turn conversations back to themselves is a lack of self-awareness. They might not even realize that they’re dominating the conversation, or that their habit might be frustrating for others.
Self-awareness is key for personal growth and healthy communication. Without it, it’s hard to recognize our conversational habits and how they affect others.
This characteristic makes it challenging but not impossible to address this behavior. With patience, understanding, and open communication, these individuals can learn to balance their conversational habits, leading to more fulfilling and reciprocal interactions.
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