I used to think respect was something you earned through big gestures—like landing a dream job or outshining everyone in a group project.
But over time, I realized that what truly shapes respect are the small, everyday choices we make.
It’s often about what we refuse to tolerate, just as much as what we pursue.
If you’re tired of feeling overlooked or taken for granted, there might be habits you’re hanging onto that quietly drain away others’ regard for you.
Below are 8 things I’ve personally ditched (or worked hard to ditch) in favor of better self-respect—and the respect of those around me.
1. Always putting yourself last
I spent years trying to be the “nice” one who never said no.
On the surface, it seemed like a good idea—people knew they could count on me.
But after a while, I realized my own needs kept getting shoved aside. I’d be exhausted and resentful, with no time or energy left for what mattered to me.
In my experience, constantly sacrificing your own needs doesn’t just breed frustration; it also signals to others that your time isn’t valuable.
And if you don’t value your own time, why should anyone else?
A friend once pointed out that I was running around like a personal assistant to everyone, never asking if I was okay. That simple comment made me realize people respect those who set boundaries and prioritize their well-being.
So if you’re consistently putting yourself at the bottom of the list, consider how that impacts how others view you. Believe me, it doesn’t mean becoming selfish; it just means treating your own needs as worthy of attention.
2. Apologizing for every little thing
If you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” a dozen times before lunch, this one’s for you.
Over-apologizing can water down the power of a genuine apology. It can also paint you as someone who’s uncertain or too eager to pacify people, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
I used to say sorry for everything—if someone bumped into me on the street, I’d apologize as if it were my fault.
Eventually, I realized this habit undercut my confidence.
People started assuming I was prone to mistakes or easily shaken because I kept issuing apologies for things beyond my control. Learning to say “excuse me” or “pardon the inconvenience” when it’s appropriate is a healthier alternative.
A real apology should mean something, so save it for when you’re genuinely at fault or have caused actual harm. When you own your actions (instead of apologizing for existing), people are more likely to view you with respect and trust.
3. Brushing off compliments
Have you ever had someone say something nice about you, and you immediately responded with, “Oh, it’s nothing,” or “I got lucky”?
I’ve definitely been there.
At first, it might seem modest, but constantly deflecting compliments can suggest you don’t believe in your own abilities. This self-deprecation often comes across like fishing for more praise or simply not recognizing your strengths.
Neither is going to earn you the kind of respect you’re looking for.
It took me a while to learn to say “Thank you” without following it up with a diminishing remark. But once I did, I noticed a subtle change in how others treated me.
They sensed I was comfortable accepting recognition—and that confidence helped fortify their respect.
A sincere thank-you shows gratitude without dismissing your efforts or the compliment someone offered.
It’s a small shift in communication that can make a big impact on how people perceive you.
4. Letting people gossip around you
Gossip used to feel like social currency for me.
I’d think, “If I have the juicy scoop, people will be interested in talking to me.” In reality, feeding or tolerating gossip usually creates a toxic cycle that can circle back to bite you.
It also paints you as someone who might talk behind another person’s back at any moment.
When you allow gossip in your presence—especially gossip that tears others down—it can signal you’re comfortable with that negative energy.
Those who value respect notice this trait, and it can erode their trust in you.
Over time, I found a better approach was gently steering the conversation away from gossip or not engaging altogether. It doesn’t have to be dramatic; a simple “I’m not sure about that,” or “I hope things work out for them,” can shift the mood.
People began to view me as someone who valued integrity over cheap entertainment.
And that shift, in turn, elevated how they interacted with me.
5. Over-explaining yourself
Nothing drains respect faster than someone who constantly justifies their every move.
Explaining the basics is fine, of course, but if you’re going into three paragraphs of detail about why you can’t make a lunch date, it can come across as insecure.
In my own life, I used to make a big deal out of scheduling conflicts: “I can’t come because I have this meeting, and then I have to take my dog out, plus I didn’t sleep well…”
By the time I was done, I sounded frazzled and uncertain.
And that wasn’t the image I wanted to project.
Now, if something doesn’t work for me, I politely say, “I can’t make it,” without the lengthy backstory—unless I genuinely need to give important context.
People respect brevity and clarity, especially in a world full of noise.
Let your “no” or “yes” stand on its own sometimes.
You’d be surprised how freeing it feels.
6. Tolerating disrespect for too long
I used to let small slights slide, thinking I was being the bigger person.
But when someone repeatedly crosses a line and faces no pushback, they learn it’s okay to keep doing so.
This can show up in friendships, family ties, or the workplace.
Respect has a lot to do with how we respond to disrespect.
If you shrug off boundary violations or offensive comments for the sake of “keeping the peace,” you might inadvertently teach people that you’re fine with being treated poorly.
One colleague once made belittling jokes at my expense in meetings.
I laughed them off, but inside, I felt humiliated. Finally, I mustered the courage to say, “Hey, I’m not okay with that,” calmly yet firmly.
The jokes stopped.
It taught me that addressing disrespect early can reset the tone, showing others you’re not someone to walk all over.
7. Lying to keep everyone happy
White lies might seem harmless. But if you’re constantly bending the truth about your opinions or preferences, people might sense you’re not fully authentic.
And authenticity is a cornerstone of respect.
There were times I’d lie about liking a certain restaurant or a band just because I wanted to fit in. But eventually, I realized that if someone rejects me over honest opinions, that relationship isn’t built on mutual respect anyway.
Sharing your genuine thoughts doesn’t mean you should be rude.
You can voice differences of opinion politely.
Ironically, disagreements can breed more respect if handled gracefully—people see you as someone with their own mind. This doesn’t mean you have to overshare or be brutally frank all the time.
But letting go of needless lies can free you from the stress of keeping up appearances and solidify others’ trust in your words.
8. Complaining without taking action
We all need to vent sometimes, but endless complaining without any effort to change the situation can erode how people view you.
I used to gripe about my schedule, my workload, or my messy apartment—then do nothing about it.
People eventually picked up on that disconnect.
They’d hear me whining but see me repeating the same behaviors that caused the complaints. It was tough to be taken seriously when I didn’t show signs of making improvements.
When I finally started taking small steps—like organizing my workspace or setting aside focused time to tackle projects—people saw the difference. They began to engage me in more productive conversations.
A bit of frustration is normal, but pair it with problem-solving if you want to maintain respect.
It shows you’re proactive, not just stuck in a cycle of negativity.
Conclusion
Respect isn’t about fancy titles or grand gestures. It grows from the everyday messages you send about who you are and what you stand for.
Once I began cutting out these eight habits—apologizing too much, brushing off compliments, tolerating disrespect, and so on—I noticed a real shift in how people interacted with me.
Not everyone will cheer you on when you start valuing yourself differently. You might meet resistance or surprise, but that’s often a sign you’re moving in the right direction.
Remember, letting go of harmful patterns can be uncomfortable at first, but the payoff is immense.
People who genuinely respect you will show up more clearly, and those who don’t might fade away.
And that’s okay. Because the more you respect yourself, the more likely it is that others will follow suit.
