Words have power — they can build bridges or burn them.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that what we say can shape relationships, influence emotions, and leave lasting impressions. They don’t just think before they speak — they also recognize which phrases are better left unsaid.
Through my own research into emotional intelligence, I’ve seen how small shifts in language can create a profound difference in how people connect.
It’s not about being perfect but about being mindful — choosing words that foster understanding instead of conflict.
Let’s explore 9 common phrases emotionally intelligent people avoid in conversations and why steering clear of them can lead to more meaningful, respectful interactions.
1) “You should feel better by now”
In the field of emotional intelligence, understanding and respecting the feelings of others is paramount.
Emotionally intelligent people steer clear of phrases like “You should feel better by now”.
Why?
Because this statement belittles the other person’s emotional journey.
Everyone experiences and processes emotions at their own pace. There’s no set timeline for when someone ‘should’ feel a particular way.
Instead, emotionally intelligent individuals offer support and patience, recognizing that each person’s emotional healing process is unique.
By avoiding this phrase, they demonstrate empathy and respect for the other person’s emotional experience.
2) “Calm down”
Have you ever been told to “calm down” when you’re feeling anxious or upset?
Chances are, it didn’t help. In fact, it might have even made you feel worse.
Here’s the thing:
Emotionally intelligent people understand that telling someone to “calm down” often has the opposite effect. It invalidates their feelings and can lead to further distress.
This concept is rooted in a psychological principle known as emotion validation.
It suggests that acknowledging and accepting your emotions, rather than dismissing them, promotes emotional health and well-being.
3) “At least it’s not worse”
Building on the concept of emotion validation, emotionally intelligent individuals also avoid phrases like “At least it’s not worse”.
While it might seem like a comforting statement, aimed at offering perspective, it can often do more harm than good.
Here’s why:
Although the intention is to help the person see the bright side, it actually minimizes their problems. It’s as if their struggles aren’t significant simply because they could be dealing with something worse.
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Emotionally intelligent people understand this complexity. They know that every person’s experience is their own and respect that individuality.
Instead of using such comparative statements, they offer genuine empathy and validation, fostering a more supportive conversational environment.
4) “I knew that would happen”
Ever had someone say “I knew that would happen” after you’ve shared a problem or setback with them?
While it might seem innocuous, this phrase is another one that emotionally intelligent individuals tend to avoid.
It’s all about empathy and understanding.
When someone shares a problem, they’re looking for empathy and support, not an “I told you so” response.
Saying “I knew that would happen” can make the other person feel judged or belittled. It implies that they should have known better, or that their problem was somehow predictable.
Emotionally intelligent people know the importance of providing a safe, non-judgmental space for others to express their feelings and concerns.
They understand that this phrase can undermine that space, and so choose to avoid it.
5) “Just get over it”
Emotionally intelligent people steer clear of phrases that dismiss or trivialize the emotions of others. A prime example of such a phrase is “Just get over it”.
This statement tends to:
- Belittle the other person’s feelings
- Imply that their emotions are insignificant
- Suggest a lack of empathy and understanding
Let’s admit it: it’s hard to deal with emotional landscapes. However, emotionally intelligent individuals recognize this and use supportive language instead of dismissive phrases.
They understand that healing takes time and patience, not pressure.
6) “Why are you still upset about that?”
Emotional intelligence isn’t just about recognizing emotions — it’s about respecting their complexity.
When someone says, “Why are you still upset about that?” they may be trying to encourage the person to move forward, but it often comes across as dismissive or impatient.
This phrase fails to account for how emotional processing varies from person to person.
As I observed in my research on emotional intelligence and well-being during the pandemic lockdown, individuals who practiced self-compassion and avoided self-critical inner dialogue were better equipped to manage their emotions.
Similarly, fostering understanding in conversations rather than judgment helps create a supportive environment.
Instead of questioning why someone feels a certain way, emotionally intelligent people might say: “I’m here if you want to talk about it more.”
This subtle shift promotes connection, validating the other person’s feelings while allowing them the space to process in their own time.
By avoiding dismissive questions, they demonstrate emotional maturity and nurture healthier, more empathetic interactions.
7) “You’re too sensitive”
Imagine you’ve just opened up to someone about how their words or actions made you feel. You’re vulnerable, raw, and hoping for understanding.
But instead, they tell you “You’re too sensitive.”
How does that make you feel? Does it validate your emotions or dismiss them?
Emotionally intelligent people understand the impact of such a statement. Labeling someone as ‘too sensitive’ can make them feel as though their feelings are an overreaction or invalid.
Instead, emotionally intelligent individuals approach the situation with empathy and validation.
They recognize that everyone has different emotional thresholds, and what may seem minor to one person could be significant to another.
8) “It’s not a big deal”
Years ago, my older sister was going through a tough time.
She was dealing with something that seemed trivial to me, so I told her: “It’s not a big deal”.
I immediately saw the hurt in her eyes. It was a lesson I’ll never forget.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that what may seem like a small issue to them could be a big deal to someone else. Everyone’s emotional landscape is different.
What matters is not the size of the problem, but how it affects the individual.
Since that day, I’ve learned to avoid phrases like “It’s not a big deal”. Instead, I strive to acknowledge and validate the feelings of others, regardless of the size or nature of their challenges.
This empathy and understanding is at the heart of emotional intelligence.
9) “You’re overreacting”
Finally, one of the most crucial phrases emotionally intelligent people avoid is “You’re overreacting”.
Emotionally intelligent individuals recognize the damage this dismissive phrase can cause. It implies that the person’s reaction is not justified or valid, which can lead to feelings of guilt or shame.
Everyone is entitled to their feelings and reactions. They are a part of who we are and should be respected, not dismissed or belittled.
So, the next time you find yourself wanting to tell someone they’re overreacting, take a moment.
Remember the principles of emotional intelligence and choose your words with empathy and understanding.
After all, treating conversations with emotional intelligence is more than just what we say — it’s also what we choose not to say.
The power of words
Emotional intelligence isn’t about always saying the right thing — it’s about being aware of how your words impact others.
Through my own experience of studying emotional intelligence, I’ve seen how avoiding certain phrases can transform conversations. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress.
Small changes in how we communicate can lead to lasting improvements in relationships and emotional well-being.
To recap, here are the key takeaways:
- Avoid phrases that dismiss or invalidate emotions, like “Calm down” or “Why are you still upset about that?”
- Replace judgment with curiosity and empathy to create a safe space for others.
- Remember, every person processes emotions differently—patience is key.
By practicing mindful communication, you not only strengthen your emotional intelligence but also inspire those around you to do the same.
After all, the most powerful words are the ones that show kindness, understanding, and respect.
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