Starting a new relationship can be both a thrilling adventure and a minefield.
Narcissists often come on strong at the beginning, charming you with their charisma and confidence, but beneath that attractive facade lies a web of manipulation and control.
Many people miss the red flags, only to realize too late that they’ve been caught in a narcissist’s mind games.
But fear not!
By understanding their games, you can avoid getting caught in their traps. As a relationship expert and founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve studied these tactics extensively, and I’ve identified seven common mind games narcissists play.
1) Love bombing
One of the most common mind games narcissists play at the beginning of a relationship is called love bombing. It’s like a bombardment of affection and attention, designed to make you feel special and adored.
This intense courtship phase is filled with:
- Grand gestures
- Flattering compliments
- Promises of a perfect future together
It’s an intoxicating experience that can sweep you off your feet. But behind these extreme expressions of love, there’s a calculated strategy.
Narcissists use love bombing to control and manipulate their partners. As they shower you with love, they also subtly condition you to crave their attention and approval.
When they suddenly withdraw this affection, it leaves you confused, anxious, and desperate to regain their love. This gives them the power they desire in the relationship.
Understanding this game can help you see past the superficial charm and recognize the manipulation for what it is.
2) Devaluation
This is where things take a turn that might seem counterintuitive. After the love bombing phase, narcissists often switch to devaluation.
In this stage, the narcissist starts to criticize, belittle, and devalue you. They might question your intelligence, appearance, or abilities in subtle or overt ways. The person who once seemed to adore everything about you now seems to find fault in everything you do.
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This mind game can be incredibly confusing and hurtful. You might find yourself constantly trying to please them or prove your worth.
The twist here is that this devaluation is not a reflection of your actual worth. It’s a power play designed to make you feel inadequate and dependent on their approval.
3) Gaslighting
Another tactic often used by narcissists is gaslighting. This psychological manipulation technique involves making someone question their own sanity, judgment, and perception of reality.
For example, a narcissist might deny saying something hurtful, even when you clearly remember it. Or they might twist facts and events to suit their narrative, making you feel like you’re misremembering things.
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It’s a mind game designed to make you doubt yourself and rely more on their version of reality.
As a relationship expert and author, I’ve seen firsthand how destructive gaslighting can be. It erodes your self-confidence and can leave you feeling lost and disoriented.
But knowledge is power. In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this topic in more detail and offer practical advice on how to navigate this difficult terrain.
Understanding the signs of gaslighting can help you recognize when it’s happening and take steps to protect yourself.
4) Triangulation
Next up, we have triangulation. This is a manipulative tactic where a narcissist brings a third person into the relationship dynamic, such as an ex-partner, a friend, or even a family member.
The aim of this mind game is to create insecurity and jealousy. The narcissist might compare you unfavorably to this third person, or they might flirt openly with others to provoke your jealousy.
This manipulation tactic can be very distressing. It can make you feel inadequate and constantly in competition for the narcissist’s attention and approval.
However, armed with the knowledge of this tactic, you can choose not to engage in this game. Recognizing triangulation for what it is – a calculated move to manipulate your emotions – can help you take back your power and refuse to play into their hands.
5) Projection
Projection is another common mind game that narcissists play. In this scenario, they accuse you of the very behavior or feelings they exhibit themselves.
For instance, a narcissist who is being unfaithful might accuse you of cheating. Or, a narcissist who is constantly lying might call you dishonest.
This tactic serves to deflect their own negative behavior and project it onto you.
It’s a particularly bewildering mind game, as it can leave you feeling defensive and confused, constantly trying to prove your innocence while questioning your own actions.
In my own experiences, I’ve seen how disruptive projection can be in relationships. It’s essential to remember that these accusations are often more about the narcissist’s own feelings and behaviors than they are about you.
6) Silent treatment
The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic that narcissists often employ. They’ll suddenly stop communicating with you, giving you the cold shoulder or ignoring your attempts to reach out.
This strategy is designed to make you feel anxious and insecure, causing you to seek their approval and validation. It’s a way of controlling you by withholding their attention and affection.
I’ve witnessed firsthand how devastating the silent treatment can be. It can lead to feelings of confusion, guilt, and self-doubt.
But recognizing the silent treatment for what it is – a control tactic – can help you respond in a healthier way. Instead of chasing after their approval, it’s crucial to focus on your feelings and self-worth.
For more insights into navigating these tricky relationship dynamics, I invite you to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share articles and resources that can help you navigate these challenges with confidence and clarity.
7) Victim playing
Lastly, narcissists are known for playing the victim.
When confronted with their behavior, they often turn the tables by portraying themselves as the wronged party. They deflect responsibility and blame onto others, often weaving a convincing narrative of mistreatment or misunderstanding.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to evoke sympathy and avoid accountability. And in all honesty, it’s one of the most challenging mind games to navigate as it can make you question your judgment and feel responsible for their happiness.
But remember, everyone is responsible for their actions. Recognizing this game for what it is can help you maintain your boundaries and not get entangled in their victim narrative.
Understanding and overcoming
If you notice any of these red flags, take a step back and assess the situation. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection, not manipulation or control.
By learning to spot these behaviors early, you can save yourself from heartache and invest your time and energy in relationships that uplift and empower you.
In the end, navigating relationships – especially those with narcissists – isn’t easy. Yet, it’s through these challenges that we grow stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
After all, every relationship teaches us something valuable about ourselves and others. And every step we take brings us closer to understanding and overcoming these challenges.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
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- People who look significantly younger than they actually are into their 70s and beyond usually adopt these 9 daily habits
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