My mom always used to say, “A wound is a place where the light enters you.” But what happens when we don’t let that light in? When we don’t address the wounds from our past?
Let’s get real for a moment.
Some of us, women especially, tend to carry the weight of past hurts into our present relationships. We might not even realize it, but these emotional wounds can manifest themselves in specific relationship behaviors.
If you’re thinking, “Do I display these behaviors?” or “How can I break free from these patterns?”—you’ve come to the right place.
In this piece, we’ll be unpacking seven common relationship behaviors exhibited by women who haven’t fully healed from their past.
Recognizing these habits is the first step towards healing and building healthier relationships.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Overcompensating in relationships
Let’s start with this.
Have you ever found yourself doing more than your fair share in a relationship? Maybe you’re always the one initiating communication, making plans, or giving more than you receive.
This behavior often stems from past hurts where you might have felt neglected or unappreciated.
It’s like you’re trying to prove your worth by overcompensating and ensuring that your partner feels loved and valued – even if it means neglecting your own needs.
Listen, it’s great to be a giver in relationships. But it’s equally important to receive. A healthy relationship is all about balance. So, if you find yourself constantly overcompensating, it might be time to take a step back and reassess why you’re doing it.
2) Avoiding conflict at all costs
Here’s another one to consider.
Personally, I used to hate conflict. I mean, who enjoys arguing, right? But then I realized that my fear of conflict was actually rooted in a past relationship where arguments always escalated into heated fights.
So, I began avoiding conflict like the plague, even when it meant suppressing my own feelings or needs.
This, my friends, is a classic sign of unhealed wounds from past hurts.
But here’s what I learned. Conflict, when handled constructively, can actually be healthy for a relationship. It’s an opportunity to address issues and grow together as a couple.
Don’t shy away from disagreements – they’re a natural part of any relationship. Instead, learn how to engage in respectful and open conversations with your partner. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
3) Setting low standards
I’ve seen it happen way too often. Some of us settle for less than we deserve because we’ve been hurt before. We lower our standards, accept the bare minimum, convinced that it’s all we can expect.
I’ve been there too. After a heartbreaking relationship, I started believing that maybe I wasn’t meant to be treated well. So, I settled for relationships that were far from fulfilling.
But let’s get one thing straight. Your past hurts do not define your future relationships. You deserve a partner who respects and values you. You deserve love, kindness and a relationship that adds joy to your life.
Here’s my advice: Raise your standards. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. And remember, it’s better to be single than in a relationship where you’re not valued.
4) Building walls
Building emotional walls can be a natural response to past hurts. It’s like our subconscious way of saying, “I’ve been hurt before, and I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid getting hurt again.”
You might find yourself intentionally keeping your partner at a distance, not letting them too close – all in an attempt to protect your heart.
But here’s the thing. While these walls might keep the pain out, they also block the potential for deep, meaningful connections.
Allowing someone close can be scary, especially when you’ve been hurt before. But remember, not every relationship will cause you pain. It’s important to give your partner a chance without letting your past cloud your present.
So, let those walls down, little by little. It might feel daunting at first, but it’s worth it. Trust me.
5) Over-analyzing everything
Here’s something to chew on.
Did you know that our brains are naturally wired to seek patterns, especially when it comes to relationships? This tendency can go into overdrive when we’ve been hurt before.
You might find yourself over-analyzing every text, every word, every gesture from your partner, trying to find signs or patterns that resemble those of your past hurts.
You might spend sleepless nights wondering if they really meant what they said, or if their actions indicate a lack of interest or impending doom for your relationship.
While it’s necessary to be observant in a relationship, over-analyzing can drain you emotionally and create problems that weren’t there in the first place.
Try to strike a balance. Be mindful, but also learn to trust in the process of your relationship. And remember, not everything needs to be dissected and analyzed – sometimes a text is just a text.
6) Struggling with self-worth
This one hits close to home.
Past hurts can leave us questioning our self-worth. You might start feeling that you’re not good enough, not lovable enough, or that you don’t deserve a healthy and loving relationship.
Let me tell you something. You are enough, just as you are.
These feelings of low self-worth are echoes of your past, not reflections of your present or predictors of your future. And they certainly do not define your worthiness of love and respect.
The next time you catch yourself questioning your worth, remind yourself of this: You are deserving of love, respect, and kindness – from others and most importantly, from yourself.
7) Fear of vulnerability
Here it is, the big one.
If you’ve been hurt in the past, opening up and being vulnerable can seem like the scariest thing in the world.
You might withhold your true feelings, keep your guard up, or avoid deep conversations – all in an attempt to protect yourself from being hurt again.
But vulnerability is the heart of all meaningful relationships. It’s about showing your true self, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and trusting that you will be accepted and loved just as you are.
So, dare to be vulnerable. Yes, it might be scary. Yes, you might get hurt. But it’s also the only way to truly connect with someone on a deeper level. And that, my friend, is what makes a relationship truly worth it.
Final reflections
If you see yourself in these behaviors, understand this – it’s not a sign of weakness, but an indication of past hurts that need healing.
Here’s the silver lining – recognizing these patterns is the first step towards change and growth.
Self-awareness is a powerful tool. With it, you can start to shift these patterns, heal from your past, and build healthier relationships moving forward.
Healing takes time and patience. It’s a journey, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this path.
And know this: You are deserving of love and respect. No past hurt can diminish that truth.
So embrace the journey, feel the pain, let in the light. On the other side of healing lies a future filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Hold on to that hope and keep moving forward. Because you are worth it.
