Breaking free from a toxic relationship is a powerful step, but it often comes with challenges—especially when your ex realizes they can no longer manipulate your emotions.
Toxic individuals thrive on control, and when that control slips away, they often resort to certain behaviors in an attempt to regain their influence.
From guilt trips to unexpected kindness, their actions can be both confusing and calculated.
In this article, we’ll explore eight common things a toxic ex will do when they realize you’ve taken back your emotional power—and how to handle them:
1) They’ll play the victim
Exes can be masters at shifting the blame—funny, isn’t it?
One moment they’re the ones causing you pain, and the next they’re painting themselves as the victim.
It’s a classic toxic move, but here’s the catch: When they realize they can no longer puppeteer your emotions, they’ll step up their game.
They’ll use guilt and sympathy to try to regain control, in whatever way they can.
Your ex might bring up old memories or make you feel bad for moving on.
However, always keep in mind that it’s not about you—it’s about them losing control.
2) They’ll try to sabotage your new relationships
Let me share with you my personal experience with my toxic ex-boyfriend.
After I broke up with my ex, I began dating a wonderful man as he was everything my ex wasn’t—kind, supportive, and respectful.
And, of course, my ex couldn’t stand it.
He realized he no longer had the power to make me feel insecure or unhappy—so, he tried to sabotage this new relationship of mine.
He would reach out to my new girlfriend, spinning tales about me that were far from the truth; he even tried to create conflicts between us by bringing up our past.
It was exhausting and frankly, quite pathetic.
But what it showed me was just how desperate he was to regain control over my emotions.
3) They’ll try to make you jealous
When an ex loses control over your emotions, they might resort to tactics designed to provoke envy. Suddenly, they have a new partner who’s supposedly perfect, or they’re having the time of their lives without you.
But here’s the thing: Researchers have found that people who try to make their exes jealous are often less satisfied with their lives and have lower self-esteem—purely out of jealousy, too.
When your ex brags about their new life, remember it’s probably just a smoke screen hiding their insecurity and dissatisfaction.
4) They’ll bombard you with messages
An ex who’s lost control will often resort to relentless messaging.
Suddenly, your phone is blowing up with texts, calls, emails, even social media messages.
It seems they’re always reaching out, trying to get your attention.
Why? Because they’re desperate for a reaction.
Any response from you, even a negative one, can give them a sense of control.
They’re counting on you to engage, to get drawn back into their drama.
But, remember, you don’t owe them anything—let them be desperate for your attention and validation.
5) They’ll attempt to gaslight you
Believe me, I know how this one goes!
My ex was a pro at gaslighting: He’d twist events, make up stories, and deny things that had clearly happened.
All with one goal in mind—to make me doubt my own memory and judgment.
When he realized he couldn’t control my emotions anymore, he tried to make me believe that I was the crazy one, that I was imagining things or being too sensitive.
It took me a while to see through his manipulation.
But once I did, it was clear as day—he was gaslighting me to regain control.
Pretty twisted, right?
6) They’ll suddenly become perfect
When an ex loses their hold over your feelings, they might suddenly transform into the ideal partner.
They’ll start doing all the things you wished they would do when you were together.
But here’s the rub: This sudden change is usually just a performance, a desperate bid to make you second guess your decision and reignite your feelings for them.
Rather than showing genuine growth, they’re trying to manipulate your emotions by presenting a picture-perfect version of themselves.
Oddly enough, it’s another sign that they’ve lost their grip.
7) They’ll start stalking you online
In the digital age, this one’s pretty common.
When your ex can no longer control how you feel about them, they might resort to keeping tabs on you online.
They’re likely to stalk your social media profiles, checking who you’re interacting with and what you’re up to.
It’s a desperate attempt to stay connected to you and perhaps even find ways to worm their way back into your life.
8) They’ll refuse to let go
The most important thing to remember is that a toxic ex who’s lost control of your emotions will struggle to let go.
They’ll hold on tight, refusing to accept the end of the relationship.
They might even try to convince you that you’re meant to be together, despite all evidence to the contrary.
This is their final bid for control, their last-ditch attempt to manipulate your emotions and pull you back in.
Recognizing the signs and moving forward
Having navigated through these eight signs, I hope it’s clear that a toxic ex who can no longer control your emotions is likely to resort to manipulative tactics.
It’s crucial to remember that these actions are about their loss of control, not a reflection of your worth or the validity of your feelings.
Keep these signs in mind as they can serve as your shield, helping you to see past the manipulation and maintain your emotional independence.
Because at the end of the day, you’re not just someone’s ex—you’re a person deserving of respect and healthy relationships.
