If you’ve ever felt that tug of awkwardness and thought, “Wow, that’s low emotional intelligence,” you’re not alone. And the truth is, many of us fall into habits that suggest we’re not as in tune with others—or ourselves—as we’d like to be.
In my work as a psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how crucial emotional intelligence (EI) is. The good news? EI can be developed. It’s a skill, not a fixed personality trait.
The first step is recognizing the pitfalls that keep us stuck. So let’s explore seven “cringey” behaviors that signal low emotional intelligence—and what you can do to change them.
1. Constantly interrupting people
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone seems to have a sixth sense for when you’re about to make a point—just so they can cut you off? It’s frustrating, right?
Chronic interruption isn’t just rude; it signals low emotional intelligence. It shows that someone is more focused on what they have to say than on actually listening.
One of the biggest lessons I teach my clients who are struggling with realtionships is the importance of active listening. As Epictetus wisely put it, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
Yet, too often, people do the opposite—rushing to respond instead of absorbing what’s being said. The result? They miss valuable insights, damage relationships, and come across as dismissive or self-centered.
How to fix it
Practice the pause. The next time you feel the urge to interrupt, take a breath instead. Challenge yourself to fully hear the other person out before speaking. The more you listen, the more respect you’ll earn—and the more emotionally intelligent you’ll become.
2. Brushing off other people’s emotions
Do you find yourself saying things like, “Don’t be so dramatic,” or “You’ll get over it”? You might think you’re being practical or straightforward. But to the other person, it can feel like a complete dismissal of how they truly feel.
Validating emotions doesn’t mean agreeing with everything someone says. It means acknowledging that their experience is real for them—whether or not you think they’re overreacting.
When you brush off or minimize someone’s emotions, you’re essentially telling them their feelings don’t matter. This kind of invalidation can create a gulf in any relationship, from friendships to marriages.
How to fix it
The next time someone shares a concern or expresses sadness, try responding with empathy. A simple “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why you’d be upset” can go a long way toward making them feel heard.
3. Always steering the conversation back to yourself
We’ve all done it at some point. A friend shares their experience—maybe they’re talking about a rough day at work—and we can’t resist the urge to chime in with, “Oh, that reminds me of what happened to me last year…” Suddenly, the focus shifts from their situation to our own.
While it might feel like we’re bonding through shared experiences, there’s a time and place for that. If you constantly hijack conversations, it sends the message that you’re not genuinely interested in what others have to say. Instead, you’re waiting for an opportunity to spotlight yourself. People pick up on that, and over time, they may stop turning to you for a listening ear or heartfelt support.
How to fix it
Use the 80/20 rule. Aim to listen 80 percent of the time and talk about yourself only 20 percent. Ask follow-up questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think you’ll do next?” when someone shares. It shows you’re invested in their story, not just waiting to tell yours.
4. Making passive-aggressive comments
Ever catch yourself saying something like, “I’m not mad—it’s fine,” while your tone clearly screams the opposite? Or maybe you’ve dropped a sarcastic remark like, “Nice of you to show up,” when a friend arrives late.
These jabs might feel like a way to express frustration without full-blown confrontation, but they end up causing confusion and tension.
Passive-aggressive communication is a major emotional intelligence slip-up because it avoids direct, honest expression. If the person on the receiving end doesn’t pick up on your sarcastic barbs, you might become even more resentful. If they do pick up on them, the conversation can spiral into defensiveness or hurt feelings.
How to fix it
Be honest about your feelings, but do it with kindness. Say something like, “I was feeling a bit disrespected when you were late,” instead of sarcastically saying, “Oh, I see you finally decided to show.” Communicating your emotions clearly—without bitterness—boosts emotional intelligence and strengthens relationships.
5. Dismissing feedback with defensiveness
Feedback can sting, especially if it hits a nerve. Still, brushing it off with an immediate “That’s not true!” or “You just don’t understand” can indicate a low level of self-awareness.
Emotional intelligence involves not just understanding others but also understanding yourself. That includes recognizing personal blind spots.
I still remember a time when a close friend pointed out that I tended to over-explain myself (something you might have read in one of my earlier posts on overcommunication). Initially, I got defensive: “I’m just trying to be clear!” But after taking a step back, I realized she had a point. My friend wasn’t attacking my character; she was offering helpful insight.
How to fix it
Instead of immediately rejecting criticism, pause and consider if there’s a kernel of truth in what you’re hearing. Ask clarifying questions: “Can you give me an example?” or “What makes you say that?” Then, decide if you can genuinely work on adjusting that behavior.
Carl Rogers, a pioneering psychologist, famously said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Accepting that we all have flaws makes it a lot easier to grow from feedback.
6. Throwing tantrums when stressed
Have you ever snapped at a co-worker for a minor mistake because you were having a bad day? Or maybe you slammed a door at home because the kids were getting on your last nerve?
Nobody’s perfect, and stress-management is tough—especially if you’ve got a demanding job, a busy family life, or a schedule that leaves little time for self-care.
But emotional intelligence isn’t about never feeling frustrated. It’s about learning to handle frustration in a way that doesn’t cause collateral damage.
How to fix it: Before your stress boils over, practice a quick grounding technique like deep breathing or taking a short walk to cool down.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn, a well-known figure in mindfulness, once noted, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” In other words, you can’t always prevent stress, but you can learn healthier ways to ride it out.
7. Dismissing apologies or refusing to offer them
Finally, there’s the issue of apologies—either not offering them when clearly in the wrong or brushing them off when someone else is trying to make amends. Both can be cringey because they shut down accountability and empathy in one fell swoop.
I once had a friend who refused to apologize to her partner for some pretty glaring errors. She believed apologizing was a sign of weakness, and she’d dismiss any attempt at reconciliation with a “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”
But it did matter. Without that mutual acknowledgment of hurt and an offer of genuine regret, her partner stayed locked in a cycle of resentment.
How to fix it
Apologize when you know you’ve stepped out of line. And if someone offers you a sincere apology, appreciate the vulnerability it takes. A simple “Thank you, I accept your apology” can be more meaningful than you realize.
The bottom line
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these behaviors, take heart: emotional intelligence can be built. In fact, just being aware of where you slip up is a huge step forward.
Try swapping out defensiveness for curiosity or exchanging your monologue for some real listening. These small shifts, practiced consistently, can transform your relationships—and your
However, as we often mention here at Blog Herald, personal growth is a journey, not an overnight fix. So give yourself some grace. You don’t have to be perfectly attuned to everyone’s emotions at all times.
