Finding true love can feel like navigating a maze.
We often find ourselves questioning, “What really makes a relationship work?”
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve spent years exploring this question.
I’ve concluded that the best relationship of your life will be with someone who possesses these eight specific traits.
However, it’s not about creating a checklist or hunting down the ‘perfect’ partner.
It’s about recognizing these traits when they present themselves to you.
In this article, I’ll share these key traits as identified by my years of experience and research.
Remember, love is about understanding and accepting our partners for who they truly are:
1) They’re emotionally intelligent
In the realm of relationships, one trait emerges as a significant predictor of success —emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, often abbreviated as EI, refers to the ability to understand and manage our own emotions, and those of the people around us.
It’s about empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication.
Why is this so important in a relationship? Because it’s the foundation for understanding and connecting with your partner on a deep level.
An emotionally intelligent partner can recognize when you’re feeling down, even if you haven’t said a word.
They’ll know how to navigate conflicts without causing unnecessary harm and they’ll understand the importance of expressing love and appreciation.
Emotional intelligence isn’t something that everyone is naturally born with, but it’s definitely a trait that can be developed over time.
2) They’re authentic
When I was starting out as a relationship expert, my mentor once told me, “Tina, the key to any successful relationship is authenticity.”
Years later, and with a wealth of experience under my belt, I can confidently say she was spot on.
Being authentic means being true to yourself and expressing your feelings and thoughts honestly.
It’s about removing the masks we often wear in society and showing your true self to your partner.
As Oscar Wilde wisely said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
In a relationship, authenticity fosters trust and deep connection.
It allows you and your partner to love each other for who you truly are, not who you pretend to be.
An authentic partner won’t try to change you or mold you into their ideal version.
They’ll love you for you—quirks, flaws, and all—because, in the end, it’s our individuality that makes us truly unique and lovable.
3) They respect the concept of independence
Another crucial trait for a fulfilling relationship is independence.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not talking about living separate lives.
What I mean is that both partners should be able to maintain their individuality while being part of a couple.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deeper into how to achieve a healthy balance between togetherness and independence.
An independent partner won’t rely on you for their happiness or self-worth.
They have their own interests, friends, and passions, and they encourage you to have the same.
This kind of relationship fosters mutual respect and creates a solid foundation of equality.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing your sense of self.
On the contrary, the best relationship of your life will empower you to grow as an individual while growing together as a couple.
4) They’re not your type
This might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out.
Often, the best relationship of your life is not with someone who fits your preconceived ‘type’.
Instead, it’s with someone who surprises you, challenges you, and broadens your horizons.
We often get stuck in a cycle of dating the same ‘type’ of person, only to find that these relationships don’t work out.
It’s easy to fall into this pattern, as we’re drawn to what feels familiar.
However, stepping out of your comfort zone can lead you to find love in unexpected places.
This person might not tick all the boxes on your list, but they bring out the best in you and love you in ways you didn’t know were possible.
This trait is a reminder to keep an open mind when it comes to love.
Sometimes, the perfect partner for us isn’t who we imagined they would be – and that’s perfectly okay.
5) They share the same values you have
This one is close to my heart. When I met my husband, we had different hobbies, different tastes in music, and even preferred different cuisines.
However, one thing we shared deeply were our core values and, today, I can confidently say that this has been the backbone of our relationship.
Having shared values means you both see eye-to-eye on the important things in life.
It could be your stance on honesty, family, work-life balance, or how you view money.
These are the things that form the bedrock of a long-lasting relationship.
Of course, you won’t agree on everything—no couple does—but if your fundamental beliefs about what’s important in life align, you’re more likely to enjoy a harmonious relationship.
When assessing a potential life partner, pay attention to their values.
Do they match yours? If so, this could be the start of something truly special.
6) They see your flaws (and love you anyway)
Nobody is perfect; we all have our quirks, our flaws, our little oddities that make us who we are.
Guess what? That’s perfectly okay.
In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s what makes us human.
The best relationship of your life will be with someone who sees these flaws and loves you anyway.
They won’t just tolerate your imperfections—they’ll embrace them, because to them, these are parts of what makes you uniquely ‘you’.
This doesn’t mean they’ll ignore serious issues or let harmful behaviors slide.
When it comes to the little things – maybe you’re a bit forgetful, or you snore, or you can’t cook to save your life—they won’t hold these against you.
Instead, they’ll love you for who you are, flaws and all.
In return, they’ll expect the same understanding and acceptance from you.
7) They challenge you
My grandmother used to say, “The best partner is one who challenges you, my dear.”
As a young girl, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. Now, as a seasoned relationship expert, I see the wisdom in her words.
A great partner won’t just agree with you on everything or let you stay in your comfort zone.
Instead, they’ll challenge you, push you to grow, and inspire you to be the best version of yourself.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another—that’s a proverb that holds true in relationships.
A partner who challenges you helps you grow mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.
But it’s essential they do this with love and respect.
Their aim should not be to change you, but to support your growth and personal development.
8) They make you feel safe
This point is perhaps the most raw and honest of all.
The best relationship of your life will be with someone who makes you feel safe—emotionally, mentally, and physically.
This sense of safety is more than just the absence of danger or harm.
It’s about feeling secure enough to show your true self, knowing that you won’t be judged or ridiculed; it’s about knowing that your partner is there for you, no matter what.
That they won’t abandon you when things get tough, they’ll hold your hand through life’s storms, and they’ll celebrate with you in times of joy.
Feeling safe with someone means trusting them with your heart.
It’s raw, it’s honest, and sometimes, it can feel a little scary—however, it’s this kind of emotional safety that forms the bedrock of a truly fulfilling relationship.
Conclusion
In your search for love, remember these eight traits.
Emotional intelligence, authenticity, independence, being open to those not typically your ‘type’, shared values, accepting flaws, the ability to challenge you, and making you feel safe—these are the building blocks of a truly fulfilling relationship.
No partner is perfect, but if they possess these qualities, you’re likely on the path to the best relationship of your life.
And remember—it’s a journey of growth for both of you.
For more insights into navigating the complexities of love and relationships, consider checking out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Here’s to finding and nurturing love that lasts. You deserve nothing less.
