Ever had a conversation that left you questioning your worth or second-guessing yourself?
It’s not always blatant insults or loud criticism that chip away at your confidence—sometimes, it’s the subtle phrases that do the most damage.
Master manipulators are especially skilled at using words to make you feel small, all while masking their intentions under the guise of concern, humor, or even kindness.
Today, I’m here to help you spot these subtle phrases.
Recognizing them is the first step to reclaiming your power.
1) I’m just saying…
In the world of manipulation, words are weapons, and one of the most subtly destructive phrases in their arsenal is “I’m just saying…”.
This phrase is a master manipulator’s favorite tool. It’s subtle, it’s casual, and yet it can make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
Here’s how it works: a manipulator will make a negative comment or criticism, then follow it with “I’m just saying…”. This gives them an out, a way to deflect any blame for the negative feelings their comment might cause.
You see, “I’m just saying…” is a manipulator’s way of making a dig at you while maintaining an air of innocence. They can make you feel small, then turn it around and make it seem like you’re the one with the problem.
It’s a sneaky tactic that can leave you questioning your own feelings and reactions. And that’s exactly what the manipulator wants.
2) You’re too sensitive
Another common phrase that master manipulators use to make you feel small is “You’re too sensitive”.
Ah, this one really gets to me. And it seems I’m not alone; in a survey by Preply, this was ranked the worst passive-aggressive phrase!
Anyway, I’ve seen it used so many times in various relationships and it never fails to make the person on the receiving end question their own feelings.
When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re essentially invalidating your feelings and reactions. They’re trying to make you feel like you’re overreacting or like your feelings are not normal or valid.
But remember what Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
You have the right to feel your feelings without someone else telling you they are wrong.
The next time someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, try not to take it to heart. Instead, remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that no one else has the right to tell you otherwise.
3) I thought you knew…
Now, here’s a counterintuitive one: “I thought you knew…”.
At first glance, this phrase might not seem like much of a problem. However, in the hands of a master manipulator, it can be used to create self-doubt and confusion.
Manipulators use “I thought you knew…” to make you question your own knowledge and understanding. They present information as if it was common knowledge or as if they had already shared it with you.
This can lead you to question your memory or even your intelligence. You might start doubting yourself and feeling inadequate or small.
4) Maybe it’s just me…
“Maybe it’s just me…” is a phrase that manipulators use to disguise their criticism or judgment as self-deprecation.
I’ve encountered this one many times, both in my professional work and in my personal life. It’s a clever tactic because it presents the manipulator as humble or unsure, even while they’re subtly making you feel small.
Here’s how it plays out: the manipulator will express an opinion or criticism, then follow it up with “Maybe it’s just me…”. This gives the impression that they’re simply sharing a personal viewpoint, not trying to impose their beliefs on you.
But in reality, they’re undermining your confidence and making you question your own perspective.
5) I don’t want to hurt you, but…
“I don’t want to hurt you, but…” is a manipulative phrase that’s often used as a precursor to something hurtful.
Manipulators use this phrase to make it seem like they’re being considerate of your feelings, even while they’re about to say something damaging.
It’s a tricky one because it makes you brace for impact, creating a sense of dread and apprehension. What’s worse, it can make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive if you get upset because, after all, they did warn you.
But let’s be honest here. If someone truly didn’t want to hurt you, they wouldn’t say something hurtful in the first place.
So remember, “I don’t want to hurt you, but…” is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. It doesn’t absolve someone from the responsibility of their words or actions. You have every right to feel hurt and to express your feelings.
6) You always/You never…
Manipulators love absolutes like “You always” or “You never,” and for a good reason—they’re powerful tools for making you feel inadequate or defensive.
Why? Because these sweeping generalizations are designed to put you on the back foot.
When someone says, “You always forget to listen,” or “You never care about what I want,” they’re painting you into a corner. It doesn’t matter if it’s not entirely true (and it usually isn’t). The statement is so all-encompassing that you’re left scrambling to defend yourself, pointing out exceptions or trying to justify your actions.
And that’s exactly the point—when you’re busy defending yourself, you’re not focused on the unfairness of their words or the manipulation behind them. You’re too distracted to realize how the narrative has shifted away from their behavior and onto you.
7) You wouldn’t understand
Last but not least, let’s talk about the phrase “You wouldn’t understand.”
On the surface, it might sound dismissive—but when used by a manipulator, it’s far more than that. This phrase is designed to shut you out, make you feel inferior, and assert their supposed superiority.
By saying, “You wouldn’t understand,” they imply that you’re not smart, experienced, or capable enough to grasp whatever they’re talking about. It’s a sneaky way to establish control and create a power imbalance in the relationship. Over time, hearing this phrase can make you feel small and insecure like you’re somehow not enough.
But here’s the truth: this tactic says more about them than it does about you. A healthy communicator doesn’t dismiss someone’s ability to understand—they’ll explain or involve you, not exclude you.
Final Thoughts
Manipulation thrives in the shadows, but with awareness and confidence, you can bring it into the light and reclaim your sense of self-worth.
Remember: your feelings are valid, your boundaries matter, and no one has the right to make you feel small.
Stay strong, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself—you’re worth it.
