Some people are naturally charming. Others? They’re just good at manipulation.
The tricky part is that manipulators don’t always show their true colors right away.
But if you know what to look for, you can spot the red flags within minutes of meeting them.
Manipulators use subtle tactics to control, guilt-trip, or pressure others—often without you even realizing it.
But once you recognize their patterns, it’s much easier to protect yourself from getting pulled into their games.
So how can you tell if someone is a manipulator right from the start?
Here are ten simple ways to spot one in the first five minutes, according to a psychologist.
1) They make you question yourself
One of the quickest ways to spot a manipulator is by how they make you feel about yourself.
A skilled manipulator knows that the easiest way to control someone is by making them doubt their own thoughts, decisions, or even reality.
They might subtly challenge your opinions, twist your words, or act as if you misunderstood something—just to throw you off balance.
Psychologist George K. Simon, author of “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”, explains:
“Manipulators often play the victim, distort the truth, or shift blame to make their targets feel guilty or unsure of themselves.”
If someone you just met is making you second-guess yourself within minutes of talking to them, take it as a red flag.
A confident person respects others’ perspectives. A manipulator, on the other hand, thrives on creating doubt.
2) They give you a compliment that doesn’t feel right
I once met someone at a networking event who, within the first few minutes, said, “Wow, you’re really smart… for someone in this industry.”
At first, it sounded like a compliment. But something about it felt off. Instead of making me feel good, it made me second-guess myself. Was that really a compliment? Or was it a subtle dig?
This is a classic manipulation tactic—giving a compliment that includes an underhanded insult.
Psychologist and author Dr. Harriet Braiker called this “stealth control”, explaining: “Manipulators use flattery as a tool, not as genuine praise. Their goal is to create insecurity and keep you seeking their approval.”
If someone gives you a compliment that makes you feel uncertain instead of appreciated, pay attention. A true compliment lifts you up. A manipulative one keeps you off balance.
3) They overshare to make you trust them
I used to think that when someone opened up to me really quickly, it meant they were being genuine.
That changed after I met someone who, within five minutes, told me about their terrible childhood, their toxic ex, and how no one ever understood them.
At first, I felt honored that they trusted me. But then I realized—I barely knew this person. And yet, I already felt obligated to be there for them. That’s when it hit me: this wasn’t vulnerability. It was manipulation.
Genuine connections take time. If someone dumps their deepest struggles on you right away, ask yourself: are they being real, or are they trying to fast-track your trust?
4) They make you feel like you owe them
I once had a coworker who, within minutes of meeting me, went out of their way to do me a small favor I didn’t ask for. “No worries,” they said with a smile. “I’m just happy to help.”
But later that day, they came back asking for a favor in return—something much bigger. And when I hesitated, they made me feel guilty for even considering saying no.
This is called the “reciprocity trap”, and manipulators use it to create an unspoken debt.
Psychologist Robert Cialdini, author of “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion“, explains: “People feel obligated to return favors, even when they didn’t ask for them in the first place.”
A kind gesture should be just that—kind. If someone’s generosity comes with invisible strings attached, be careful. You don’t owe anyone just because they decided to do something for you.
5) They agree with you too much
You’d think that when someone agrees with everything you say, it’s a good sign. After all, who doesn’t like to connect with someone who shares their opinions?
But here’s the catch—manipulators often mirror you to gain your trust. They’ll nod along, echo your words, and act like they see the world exactly as you do. It feels good at first, but it’s not real. It’s a tactic.
Genuine people have their own opinions. If someone agrees with you on everything right away, ask yourself—are they being authentic, or are they just trying to win me over?
6) They joke at your expense
A little teasing between friends is normal. But when someone you just met makes a joke about you—especially one that stings—it’s worth paying attention to.
Manipulators often hide insults behind humor. They’ll say something rude, then follow it up with, “Relax, I’m just kidding,” or, “Wow, you’re sensitive.” The goal? To test your boundaries and see how much they can get away with.
A real joke should make everyone laugh—including you. If someone’s humor leaves you feeling uncomfortable or small, trust that feeling. It’s not a joke—it’s a red flag.
7) They make you feel special—too quickly
I once met someone who, within minutes, told me, “I can tell you’re different from other people. There’s just something about you.”
At first, it felt flattering. Who doesn’t want to feel special? But then I realized—they barely knew me. How could they possibly think I was so amazing already?
This is called love-bombing, and it’s a classic manipulation tactic. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissism, explains:
“Manipulators create an intense connection early on to lower your defenses and gain control.”
Real trust and admiration take time. If someone showers you with compliments or deep affection right away, be careful. It might not be genuine—it might be a setup.
8) They make you feel guilty for saying no
I used to struggle with saying no. And manipulators can sense that.
I once met someone who asked me for a small favor within minutes of meeting them.
When I hesitated, their entire vibe shifted. Their face fell, and they sighed, “Oh… I just thought you were the kind of person who liked helping others.”
Suddenly, I wasn’t just saying no—I was disappointing them. And that’s exactly how manipulators operate.
Dr. Susan Forward, psychologist and author of “Emotional Blackmail“, explains: “Manipulators use guilt as a weapon, making you feel like a bad person for setting boundaries.”
Here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone a yes—especially not someone you just met. If someone tries to make you feel guilty for setting a boundary, take it as a warning sign.
9) They humblebrag about their honesty
You’d think that when someone says, “I’m just a really honest person,” it means they’re trustworthy. But in reality, manipulators love to advertise their honesty—because it makes it easier to get away with dishonesty.
Instead of proving their trustworthiness through actions, they try to convince you with words. And often, their version of honesty just means being rude or overly critical while dodging accountability.
Genuinely honest people don’t need to announce it. They just are. If someone keeps reminding you how real or blunt they are, be careful—it might be a cover for manipulation.
10) They shift the conversation to test your weaknesses
I once met someone who, within minutes, steered the conversation toward my biggest insecurities. At first, it seemed like they were just being curious—asking about my job, my relationships, my struggles.
But looking back, I realize they weren’t just making conversation. They were gathering information.
Manipulators are skilled at finding your emotional weak spots. They subtly guide the discussion toward things that make you vulnerable, then store that information for later—when they can use it to their advantage.
Dr. Martha Stout, psychologist and author of “The Sociopath Next Door“, explains: “Manipulative people are expert emotional observers. They learn what makes you tick so they can control you more effectively.”
A good conversation should feel balanced and natural. If someone you just met is digging too deep too fast, be cautious. They may not be getting to know you—they may be figuring out how to use you.
