The way we express emotions, or sometimes don’t, is often rooted in our upbringing. We might not even realize that we were conditioned to suppress our feelings.
We grow up believing it’s normal to push down our emotions, not realizing that this habit may be hindering us from living a full and balanced life.
In this piece, we’ll delve into the seven subtle signs that you were raised to suppress your emotions, often without even realizing it.
It’s not about blaming our parents or caregivers, but rather understanding how our past influences our present so we can better shape our future.
Let’s dive into these signs and start breaking those emotional barriers that might be holding us back.
1) You have a high threshold for emotional discomfort
Growing up in an environment where emotions were swept under the rug can make you unusually resilient to emotional discomfort.
This might sound like a good thing, but it can actually be problematic.
We all experience emotions – they’re an essential part of being human. It’s natural to feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, and a host of other feelings. But if you were taught to suppress these emotions as a child, you might find yourself with a high tolerance for emotional discomfort.
This means you might not recognize when you’re feeling stressed, upset or overwhelmed. Instead of addressing these feelings and working through them, you might ignore them or push them aside.
This can lead to bigger issues down the line, like chronic stress or emotional burnout. Recognizing this sign is the first step towards breaking the cycle and learning to express your feelings in a healthy way.
2) You struggle to identify your feelings
This one hits close to home for me.
Growing up, emotions were not something we openly discussed in my family. The unspoken rule was to keep everything light and avoid any emotional “drama.”
As a result, I found myself often struggling to identify what I was feeling. If someone asked me how I was doing, my automatic response was, “I’m fine,” even when I wasn’t.
I remember one particular instance vividly. I had just gone through a painful breakup and instead of processing the emotions, I brushed them aside and threw myself into work.
It wasn’t until months later when the emotional toll finally caught up with me.
This inability to recognize and name our emotions is often a sign that we were raised to suppress them. We might feel a general sense of unease or discomfort but can’t quite pinpoint why because we never learned how to.
3) You avoid conflict at all costs
Did you know that how we handle conflict is often shaped by our childhood experiences?
If you were raised in an environment where emotions were suppressed, it’s likely you view conflict as something to be avoided at all costs. You might keep your opinions to yourself, even when you disagree with someone, for fear of causing upset or making waves.
But the thing is, conflict isn’t inherently bad. It can lead to growth, better understanding and improved relationships.
Avoiding it doesn’t make it go away – it simply buries the issue, along with your emotions, which can lead to resentment and misunderstanding down the line.
Understanding this tendency and learning to face conflict in a healthy way can be a transformative step in expressing your emotions openly and honestly.
4) You’re a people-pleaser
Being a people-pleaser often stems from a fear of upsetting others or causing conflict.
If you were taught to suppress your emotions growing up, you might have developed a habit of putting other people’s needs and feelings before your own.
You might find yourself saying yes to things you don’t want to do, or going along with someone else’s opinion just to keep the peace.
But the problem with always trying to please others is that it often comes at the expense of your own feelings and needs. You might find yourself feeling resentful, stressed, or unfulfilled because you’re not honoring your own emotions.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards learning to balance your own needs with those of others, and expressing your emotions in a healthier way.
5) You often feel numb or disconnected
There was a time in my life when I felt like I was just floating through my days. On the surface, everything seemed fine. I had a good job, great friends, a loving family. But inside, I felt numb and disconnected.
It took me a while to realize that this numbness was actually a form of suppressed emotions. Because I had been taught to hide my feelings growing up, I had become so good at it that I was unconsciously suppressing them even from myself.
This disconnection can feel like you’re living your life on autopilot. You’re going through the motions, but you’re not truly engaged or present in your experiences.
Understanding and acknowledging this can be the first step towards reconnecting with your emotions and allowing yourself to fully experience them.
6) Your physical health is suffering
It might surprise you to learn that suppressing your emotions can have physical consequences.
Chronic stress, headaches, digestive issues, and sleep problems are just a few examples of how our bodies can react when we bottle up our feelings.
Our emotional health and physical health are closely linked, and when one suffers, the other often does too.
If you find yourself frequently unwell without a clear medical explanation, it could be a sign that suppressed emotions are taking a toll on your physical health.
Being aware of this link can be an important step towards improving both your emotional and physical wellbeing.
7) You feel like you’re always wearing a mask
Suppressing your emotions can often feel like you’re constantly wearing a mask. You present one version of yourself to the world, while hiding your true feelings behind a facade.
This constant act can be exhausting and isolating. It prevents you from forming deep, authentic connections with others because you’re not being true to yourself.
Remember, it’s okay to let your guard down and show vulnerability. Your emotions are valid and expressing them honestly is an essential part of living a fulfilling and authentic life.
Final thoughts: It’s about unlearning
The journey of understanding and expressing our emotions is deeply tied to the process of unlearning the habits ingrained in us since childhood.
If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, remember it’s not about blame. It’s about understanding how your past has shaped your present, and how you can reshape your future.
Research from the field of psychology regularly emphasizes the significance of emotional expression for our mental well-being.
According to psychologist and author Dr. Daniel Goleman, “The ability to express and control our own emotions is important, but so is our ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others.”
Embracing your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, is part of being human. It’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to let others know how you feel.
As you start this journey of emotional self-discovery, remember that it’s never too late to learn new ways of being and relating to the world. You have the capacity to grow, evolve, and express your authentic self.
And that’s a truly empowering realization.
