6 signs he doesn’t love you (he only loves using you)

I remember my mother telling me, “Not all that glitters is gold.”

She was right, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Love is a beautiful thing, but sometimes, it may not be love after all. It could be a clever disguise for something less pleasant.

Here’s the deal.

You might be asking yourself, “Does he really love me or is he just using me?” You may not want to admit it, but there might be certain signs that you’ve been overlooking.

So, if you’re wondering “What are these signs?” I’m about to share six telltale signs that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

Let’s dive in.

1) He only reaches out when he needs something

We all need a helping hand sometimes. It’s normal.

But here’s the catch.

If he only ever calls or texts when he needs a favor, that’s a red flag. Maybe he needs a ride somewhere, some advice, or even just a listening ear. And while it’s great to be there for someone you care about, if it’s a one-sided transaction, it might be time to reassess.

It’s about balance.

He should also be there for you when you need him – not just the other way around. After all, a relationship is about give and take. If it feels like you’re doing all the giving, well, that’s not love – that’s being used.

2) He never makes time for you

We all lead busy lives. Sure, we have work, family obligations, hobbies, and personal time. But when you love someone, you make time for them. It’s as simple as that.

Take this for instance.

I remember when I was dating Mike. He was always “too busy” to spend quality time with me. He would cancel plans last minute or wouldn’t even make plans to begin with.

But here’s what made me pause.

One day, I noticed that he always had time for his friends. Whether it was watching a game or hanging out at the pub, he was there. Yet when it came to making time for me, suddenly his schedule was full.

That’s when it hit me.

If he truly loved me, he would want to spend time with me – not just when it was convenient for him, but because he genuinely enjoyed my company. The lack of effort spoke volumes about where I stood in his life.

It’s important to remember that actions speak louder than words. If he’s not making you a priority, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t love you – he just loves using you.

3) You’re always the one apologizing

In a relationship, it’s natural to have disagreements. Sometimes, we even say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment. Apologizing and making amends is part of the process. It shows maturity and a willingness to make things right.

But here’s where the problem lies.

If you’re the only one ever saying “I’m sorry,” something’s off. Love isn’t about keeping score, but it’s also not about one person always bending over backwards while the other person does nothing.

I’ve been there.

I was in a relationship where I was always the one apologizing – even for things that weren’t my fault. I would swallow my pride and say sorry just to keep the peace. But over time, I realized that he never apologized. Not once.

That’s not love.

It’s manipulation. It’s using someone’s feelings and willingness to make things work against them. And it’s not fair.

In a loving relationship, both parties should be willing to admit when they’re wrong and make amends. If you’re always the one apologizing, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

4) He takes more than he gives

Love is give and take. That’s pretty standard, right? But what happens when you’re constantly giving, and he’s always taking?

I’ll tell you what – it’s not love.

Maybe you’re always the one picking up the tab at dinner, lending him money, or putting your plans on hold to accommodate his. And sure, relationships sometimes require sacrifices. But when it becomes a pattern – that’s when you need to start questioning things.

Realize this.

If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t constantly take without giving back. He would appreciate your kindness and reciprocate it.

But if he’s always taking advantage of your generosity without returning the favor, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

5) He doesn’t involve you in his life

In a relationship, it’s natural to want to share your life with your partner. This means introducing them to your friends, involving them in your hobbies, and including them in your plans.

But consider this.

See Also

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that a key indicator of a healthy relationship is the integration of the partner into one’s social networks. In layman’s terms, if he loves you, he’ll want you to be a part of his world.

Now ask yourself.

Does he introduce you to his friends or family? Do you know his favorite hangout spots or hobbies? Or does it feel like he’s leading a double life: one with you and one without?

If he’s keeping you separate from his life, it’s not a good sign. It could be an indicator that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

6) He doesn’t support your dreams

We all have dreams, ambitions, and goals. They are part of what makes us who we are. And when you love someone, you support them in their dreams, even if they seem too big or too far-fetched.

Here’s the gentle truth.

If he loves you, he’ll be your cheerleader, your motivator, and your source of encouragement. He won’t belittle your dreams or make you feel silly for having them.

But what if he doesn’t?

If he dismisses your dreams or makes you feel small, it’s not because your dreams are invalid. It’s because he doesn’t value you as he should. It feels harsh to hear, but you deserve someone who believes in you and your dreams.

Remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth but a sign that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

The final takeaway

Recognizing these signs can be tough, and if you’re seeing them in your relationship, know that it’s okay to feel hurt. But remember, acknowledging the truth is the first step towards healing.

Here’s the silver lining – discovering that he’s using you rather than loving you doesn’t devalue your worth. It simply means he isn’t the right person for you.

But here’s what you should do.

Begin by acknowledging your feelings and trust your intuition. Then, start setting boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to say no when something doesn’t feel right.

It might be hard at first, but with time and patience, you’ll find your strength. You’ll recognize your worth. And eventually, you’ll find someone who truly loves and respects you for who you are.

Most importantly, don’t forget to love yourself first. As RuPaul famously said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” So take time for self-care, self-appreciation, and self-love.

In conclusion, be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. You’re learning, growing, and most importantly – becoming stronger with each passing day.

Feeling stuck in self-doubt?

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Picture of Isabelle Chase

Isabelle Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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