Some people just don’t seem to pick up on social cues. They interrupt, overshare, or say things that make everyone uncomfortable—without even realizing it.
This often comes down to emotional intelligence. When someone lacks it, they struggle to understand how their words and actions affect others, especially in public settings.
Psychologists say emotional intelligence plays a huge role in how we connect with people. And when it’s missing, certain behaviors tend to stand out.
Here are 10 things people who lack emotional intelligence often do in public—sometimes without even knowing it.
1) They dominate conversations
Ever talked to someone who just won’t let you get a word in? They interrupt, talk over you, and steer every conversation back to themselves.
People with low emotional intelligence often struggle with this. They don’t pick up on social cues that signal when it’s time to listen instead of talk.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, once said, “Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”
But without these skills, conversations become one-sided and frustrating.
In public, this can make them seem self-absorbed or oblivious to how others feel. And because they don’t realize they’re doing it, they rarely change their ways.
2) They overshare personal details
I once met someone at a coffee shop who, within minutes of introducing themselves, started telling me about their recent breakup—every painful detail. I barely knew them, yet they were unloading their entire emotional baggage on me.
People who lack emotional intelligence often struggle with boundaries. They don’t realize when they’re sharing too much or making others uncomfortable.
Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
And I’ll admit, I used to get annoyed by oversharers—until I realized they often don’t mean any harm. They just don’t recognize the social cues that tell them when to stop.
In public, this can make conversations feel awkward or overwhelming. Instead of building connections, they unintentionally push people away.
3) They don’t notice when they’ve made someone uncomfortable
There’s nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable in a conversation and realizing the other person has no idea—or worse, doesn’t care.
I’ve seen this happen way too often. Someone makes an inappropriate joke, invades personal space, or says something a little too harsh. And instead of picking up on the awkward silence or tense body language, they just keep going like nothing happened.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
But for people who lack emotional intelligence, self-awareness is exactly what’s missing. They don’t take the time to reflect on how their words or actions affect others.
The result? They make people uncomfortable without even realizing it, leaving a trail of awkwardness wherever they go.
4) They struggle to apologize sincerely
Have you ever received one of those half-hearted apologies that doesn’t actually feel like an apology? Something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I guess I messed up, but it wasn’t really my fault.”
People with low emotional intelligence often struggle to take full responsibility for their actions. Instead of genuinely acknowledging their mistakes, they deflect, justify, or minimize what happened.
Famed psychologist Harriet Lerner put it perfectly: “The courage to apologize well is rooted in the courage to be vulnerable.” But that kind of vulnerability requires self-awareness—something emotionally unintelligent people often lack.
A real apology isn’t about saving face. It’s about understanding how your actions impacted someone else and making an effort to do better. And when someone can’t do that, it damages trust more than the original mistake ever did.
5) They try too hard to be liked
You’d think that people who lack emotional intelligence would be cold or distant—but sometimes, they’re the exact opposite. They try way too hard to win people over, often in ways that feel forced or inauthentic.
They laugh too loudly at jokes that aren’t funny. They agree with everything, even when they clearly don’t mean it. They mold themselves into whatever they think others want them to be.
Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists in history, once said, “What is most personal is most universal.” In other words, people connect with authenticity—not with someone who’s constantly performing to gain approval.
Ironically, trying too hard to be liked often has the opposite effect. Instead of forming real connections, they come across as insincere or even desperate—pushing people away without realizing why.
6) They dismiss other people’s feelings
Have you ever opened up to someone about something that was really bothering you, only for them to brush it off with, “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting”?
People who lack emotional intelligence often struggle to validate others’ emotions. Instead of listening and offering support, they minimize or dismiss what someone is feeling—sometimes without even realizing it.
Psychologist John Gottman, known for his research on relationships, once said, “Disregarding emotions is a sure-fire way to damage a relationship.” And it’s true—when someone constantly feels unheard or invalidated, it creates distance and resentment.
The truth is, you don’t have to fully understand someone’s feelings to respect them. But when a person can’t do that, they make others feel small instead of supported.
7) They don’t recognize when someone wants to be left alone
I remember sitting in a café once, clearly lost in my thoughts, when a stranger decided to strike up a conversation.
At first, I responded politely, but my short answers and lack of engagement should have been clear signs—I wasn’t in the mood to talk. They didn’t get it. They just kept going.
People with low emotional intelligence often fail to recognize when someone wants space. They miss the subtle cues—like avoiding eye contact, giving one-word responses, or physically turning away.
Instead of reading the room, they push forward, unaware that they’re making the other person uncomfortable.
As Daniel Goleman put it, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work.” And in everyday life, too, empathy is what helps us sense when it’s time to step back instead of pushing forward.
Social awareness isn’t just about what’s being said—it’s also about what’s not being said. And if someone can’t pick up on that, they risk coming across as intrusive or overbearing.
8) They make everything about themselves
Have you ever shared something personal with someone, only for them to immediately turn the conversation back to themselves?
You open up about a tough day, and suddenly, you’re hearing all about their bad week. You mention an accomplishment, and they one-up you with something bigger.
It’s exhausting.
People who lack emotional intelligence aren’t necessarily trying to be selfish—but they struggle to focus on anyone else’s experience. Instead of truly listening, they’re just waiting for their turn to speak.
Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” And I’ll admit, I used to get frustrated with people like this—until I realized that, deep down, it often comes from insecurity.
But here’s the hard truth: real connection isn’t a competition.
If someone constantly makes conversations about themselves, they’re not building relationships—they’re just talking at people. And over time, that pushes others away.
9) They avoid difficult conversations
You might think that people who lack emotional intelligence are the ones who always say the wrong thing. But sometimes, the bigger problem is what they don’t say.
Instead of addressing conflict, they shut down. Instead of admitting when they’re upset, they pretend everything is fine. Instead of having tough but necessary conversations, they avoid them altogether—letting resentment build in the background.
Psychologist Susan David, known for her work on emotional agility, once said, “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” And that applies to relationships, too. Growth and connection don’t come from avoiding hard truths—they come from facing them.
Avoiding difficult conversations might feel like keeping the peace, but in reality, it creates distance. Over time, unspoken frustrations turn into walls, and relationships break down—not because of what was said, but because of what was left unsaid.
10) They don’t notice when they’ve hurt someone
I once had a friend who would make sarcastic jokes at my expense. At first, I laughed along, but over time, the comments started to sting. When I finally brought it up, they looked genuinely surprised. “I was just joking,” they said. “I didn’t think you cared.”
That’s the problem—people who lack emotional intelligence often don’t realize when they’ve hurt someone. They miss the subtle shift in tone, the forced smile, or the way someone suddenly withdraws.
And because they don’t see the impact of their words or actions, they don’t take the opportunity to make it right.
Alfred Adler, a pioneer in psychology, once said, “Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”
But without that level of awareness, people unintentionally cause harm—and then wonder why relationships start to fade.
At the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about paying attention. Because when we truly see others, we stop hurting them without realizing it.
