There’s a common misconception that if someone is always cheerful in public, they must be incredibly happy in their private lives too. But that’s not always the case.
In reality, many people who seem the happiest in public are often dealing with their own personal struggles behind closed doors. They’ve just become skilled at hiding their pain.
These people usually give off some subtle signs that all is not as it seems. By understanding these giveaways, we can better support our loved ones who may be silently struggling.
Ready to learn more? Let’s dive into the seven subtle giveaways from people who are happy in public but struggling in private.
1) They’re always “fine”
One of the biggest giveaways is when someone always insists they’re “fine” or “great” when asked how they’re doing.
It may seem counterintuitive, but constant positivity can be a mask for deeper struggles. Many people feel the need to present a cheerful facade to the world, even when they’re dealing with personal issues in private.
This isn’t about the occasional white lie to avoid burdening others with our problems. It’s about a consistent pattern of deflecting genuine inquiries about their well-being.
So next time when someone always seems to be “fine,” it might be worth probing a bit deeper. Not in an intrusive way, but in a manner that communicates your genuine concern and willingness to listen.
But remember, it’s important to respect their boundaries and give them space if they’re not ready to share.
2) They’re unusually busy
I’ve noticed that people who are grappling with inner struggles often fill their schedules to the brim. I remember a friend of mine who was always on the go, barely having a moment to catch her breath.
At first, I admired her energy and drive. She seemed so vibrant, juggling multiple projects and social engagements. But over time, I began to wonder if her unending activity was a way of avoiding something.
One day, she finally opened up. She confessed that she was constantly busy because it distracted her from her feelings of loneliness and depression.
So, when someone is perpetually busy, it may not be just about productivity or ambition. It could be a subtle sign that they’re dealing with something deeper and using constant activity as a coping mechanism.
3) They’re overly focused on others
People who are struggling internally often divert attention away from themselves and onto others. They may constantly be the ones to lend an ear, offer advice, or help out in any way possible.
Interestingly, psychological research has shown that individuals who are dealing with their own issues are often more attuned to the needs and feelings of others.
This heightened empathy can be a coping mechanism, allowing them to focus on external problems rather than their internal ones.
So, if you notice someone is always there for everyone else but rarely shares about their own struggles, they may be trying to keep their personal battles hidden behind a wall of altruism.
4) Their humor leans towards the self-deprecating
Everyone enjoys a good joke, and humor can be a fantastic way to lighten the mood. But when someone consistently uses self-deprecating humor, it may be a sign that they’re struggling privately.
These individuals often make light of their own shortcomings or mishaps. It can seem like they’re just being humble or trying to get a laugh, but in reality, they might be using humor as a shield to hide their inner pain.
If you notice that someone’s jokes are often at their own expense, it might signal that they’re dealing with some deeper issues. Being supportive and understanding can go a long way in helping them feel less alone.
5) They have erratic sleep patterns
Sleep is something that’s always been a struggle for me. Some nights, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, and other nights, I’m staring at the ceiling for hours.
And there’s a pattern I’ve noticed – the more turmoil I’m experiencing internally, the more my sleep schedule goes haywire.
When people are dealing with private struggles, one of the first things to be affected is often sleep. This could mean insomnia, frequent waking in the night, or even excessive sleep as an escape.
It’s a subtle sign that’s easy to miss, especially since we don’t often discuss our sleeping habits with others.
But if you notice someone mentioning their disturbed sleep patterns more frequently, it could be a red flag that they’re dealing with something difficult in private.
6) They avoid deep or emotional topics
People who are privately struggling often steer clear of deep or emotional conversations. They might change the subject when things get a bit too personal or show discomfort when asked about their feelings.
This avoidance often stems from a fear of their internal struggles coming to the surface. By keeping the conversation light and surface-level, they’re able to maintain their cheerful public persona.
So, if you notice someone consistently avoiding emotional topics, it could be a subtle sign that they’re dealing with something more challenging beneath the surface.
As always, it’s crucial to approach such situations with empathy and respect for their personal boundaries.
7) They withdraw from social situations
The most telling sign that someone might be struggling in private is when they start to withdraw from social situations. While it’s normal for people to need some alone time, consistent isolation or avoidance of social engagement can be a red flag.
These individuals might decline invitations more often, spend less time interacting with others, or seem distant even when they’re present. They could be using solitude as a way to deal with their internal struggles.
Remember, if you notice these signs in someone you know, the best thing you can do is offer your support. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there for them can make a world of difference.
Final thoughts: It’s about empathy
At the heart of understanding these subtle signs is empathy, the ability to truly understand and share the feelings of others.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
Remember this when you notice these signs in others. It’s not about prying into their lives or forcing them to open up. It’s about creating a safe space for them, letting them know that they are seen and heard.
Life is filled with ups and downs. We all have our private struggles, regardless of how happy we appear in public. We’re all human, after all. So, let’s be kind to one another and remember to look out for these subtle giveaways.
