There’s a subtle distinction between people who genuinely wish you success and those who wear a mask of encouragement, secretly hoping for your downfall. It’s all about spotting the signs.
These deceitful individuals may appear supportive on the surface, but in reality, they harbor ulterior motives.
The trick is to identify their hidden intentions.
Discerning between sincere encouragement and veiled negativity is an art. Luckily, there are particular behaviors that give these individuals away.
In this article, we’re going to delve into the seven typical behaviors displayed by people who may seem encouraging, but are secretly rooting for your failure.
Armed with this knowledge, you will be better equipped to surround yourself with genuine supporters and steer clear of secret detractors.
1) Hidden delight in your setbacks
We all stumble and fall at times. It’s a part of life. Your genuine supporters will empathize with you, offer comfort, and help you get back on your feet.
But those secretly hoping for your failure? They’ll exhibit a different reaction.
Subtle signs of delight or satisfaction might slip through their composed facade when you share your setbacks or failures.
This could be a slight smirk, an overly enthusiastic response, or even a seemingly innocent remark that feels a bit off.
It’s worth noting that recognizing this behavior isn’t about becoming paranoid or mistrustful of everyone around you.
Instead, it’s about understanding human nature and being aware that not everyone who appears supportive has your best interests at heart.
Next time you face a setback, pay attention to the reactions of those around you. It might reveal more about their true feelings than they’d like to admit.
2) They downplay your achievements
Here’s a personal story that sheds light on this behavior.
A few years back, I was working on a project I was particularly proud of.
After months of tireless work, it was finally completed and received positive feedback. I was over the moon and couldn’t wait to share this news with my circle.
I noticed something peculiar when I shared my achievement with a certain individual who had always been outwardly encouraging.
Instead of sharing in my joy or congratulating me, they quickly brushed over it, shifting the focus to something trivial.
It felt like my accomplishment had been deliberately downplayed.
In retrospect, this was a classic sign. People who don’t genuinely wish you well often feel the need to downplay or diminish your achievements.
It could be in the form of a dismissive comment, changing the subject abruptly, or giving faint praise that feels insincere.
Be on the lookout for these signs. Remember, your achievements are worth celebrating, don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
3) They rarely offer genuine help
It’s been observed that people who secretly hope for your failure are often reluctant to offer real assistance when you need it.
They might make grand gestures of support in public, but when it comes to the crunch, their help is often conspicuous by its absence.
While it’s true that everyone has their own commitments and might not always be available to lend a hand, a pattern of constant unavailability or reluctance to provide genuine help can be a telling sign.
In psychology, this is referred to as ‘performative support’ – showing outward signs of being supportive without any real intention of providing meaningful assistance.
If someone is always too busy to help out or their advice seems intentionally vague or unhelpful, you might want to reassess their intentions.
After all, actions speak louder than words.
4) They gossip about your failures
Gossip is a common social activity. However, when it becomes focused on the failures or downfalls of others, it can be an indication of disguised ill-will.
People who relish in your failures often can’t help but share this ‘news’ with others.
It’s as if your setback boosts their self-esteem or gives them a sense of superiority.
While it’s natural to discuss events and people in our social circle, there’s a clear line between harmless chatter and harmful gossip.
If you find out that someone has been spreading word about your failures, disappointments, or struggles without your consent, it might be time to question their genuine support for you.
Always remember, a true supporter uplifts you and respects your privacy, they don’t use your missteps as conversation fodder.
5) They compare you to others
I once had a friend who, no matter what I accomplished, would always compare my achievements to those of others.
If I landed a new job, she’d point out how someone else had secured a higher-paying position. If I bought a new car, she’d mention how another friend bought a bigger one.
Initially, I dismissed these comparisons as harmless observations. But over time, I realized this was her way of undermining my accomplishments.
Comparing your progress or achievements with others is a common tactic used by people who don’t truly wish you well. It’s their way of belittling your success and making you feel ‘less than’.
Your journey is unique and should never be compared. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
6) They celebrate others excessively
It’s wonderful to celebrate the accomplishments of others.
However, if someone is overly enthusiastic about another’s success while consistently downplaying or ignoring yours, it could be a red flag.
People secretly hoping for your failure often go overboard in praising others in your presence. It’s a subtle way of making you feel that your achievements aren’t as significant.
This behavior can be quite hurtful and can make you question your own worth. But remember, your value is not determined by someone else’s inability to see it.
Keep striving for your goals and surround yourself with people who genuinely celebrate your victories, big or small.
7) They exhibit passive-aggressive behavior
The most telling sign of all is passive-aggressive behavior.
This can come in many forms – backhanded compliments, sarcasm disguised as humor, veiled insults, or subtle actions intended to undermine you.
Passive-aggressive behavior can be hard to spot, as it’s often cloaked in niceties.
But over time, its negativity becomes apparent.
It’s a key tactic used by those who don’t wish you well, allowing them to maintain an outward appearance of friendliness while subtly sabotaging your confidence.
Remember, recognizing these signs isn’t about fostering mistrust or negativity.
It’s about understanding the behaviors that signal insincere intentions, empowering you to surround yourself with genuine supporters who want you to succeed.
Final thoughts: It’s about discernment
Understanding human behavior is a complex task. The actions and motives of people can often be layered and not as straightforward as they seem.
The aim of highlighting these behaviors is not to instill mistrust or paranoia, but to cultivate discernment.
It’s about recognizing the signs that could indicate hidden ill-intentions and protecting your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Remember, your journey is unique, and your achievements are worth celebrating.
Surround yourself with those who genuinely share in your joys and help you rise from your setbacks.
The world is filled with genuine supporters who will celebrate your victories and stand by you in your failures. Find them, cherish them, and be one for others.
As American author Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Make sure those five people truly wish for your success.
