Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in the same place, no matter how hard you try to move forward?
In my years as a psychologist, working with men from all walks of life, I’ve seen a common pattern: Many of them unknowingly sabotage their own progress. It’s not due to a lack of intelligence, talent, or even motivation—it’s the habits they’ve developed.
These habits create invisible roadblocks, keeping them from achieving their goals, whether in their careers, relationships, or personal growth. The frustrating part? Most men don’t recognize these behaviors for what they are: self-sabotage.
Today, we’re breaking it down. Here are seven self-sabotaging habits that might be holding you back—and what to do about them.
Let’s dive in.
1. Bottling up emotions
Ever found yourself saying, “I’m fine” when you’re clearly not?
It’s tempting to ignore pain or frustration, especially if you grew up believing that “real men” don’t talk about their feelings. But here’s the thing: unprocessed emotions don’t just vanish; they often show up later as anger, resentment, or self-doubt.
Daniel Goleman, a leading voice in emotional intelligence, backs this up. He has noted:
“..the ability to monitor feelings from moment to moment is crucial to psychological insight and self-understanding. An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives..”
Trust me, if there’s one skill that truly drives progress, it’s the ability to recognize what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and how to channel those emotions productively.
2. Trying to do everything alone
This is a big one.
Many men feel like they have to handle everything solo. But constantly flying solo can lead to burnout and missed opportunities.
As Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius (one of the most powerful men in the world at the time) wrote to himself in his journal, “Do not be ashamed to be helped”. If he wasn’t afraid of help, why do so many men shy away from it?
Collaboration creates synergy, and synergy is where true growth happens.
3. Downplaying accomplishments
Sometimes, men who feel stuck don’t even see their own wins. They brush them off with, “It was no big deal.”
But when you consistently minimize your achievements, it’s like telling yourself (and others) that your efforts aren’t worth celebrating. Over time, that can chip away at your confidence.
Let me share a quick anecdote: I recently had friend who landed a major promotion, yet he told everyone it was just “luck.” I picked up on this and let him know. After some reflection, he realized he had worked extremely hard for that role and it was time to own it.
Embracing your successes gives you the fuel to keep moving forward.
4. Over-apologizing
This might sound odd, but over-apologizing is a real pattern that holds a lot of men back.
Sure, apologizing when you’ve truly messed up is admirable. But saying “sorry” excessively—like when someone else bumps into you, yet you’re the one who apologizes—sends a message that you believe you’re always at fault.
A healthier approach? Acknowledge what happened without shouldering blame you haven’t earned.
Here’s a simple example of this: one of my clients replaced “Sorry I’m talking so much” with “Thank you for listening,” and felt an immediate boost in confidence.
This sort of shift can really reshape how you see yourself and how others respond to you.
5. Self-criticism on repeat
“Why did I mess that up? I’m such an idiot.” Does thoughts like this ever cross your mind?
Negative self-talk can become so automatic that you don’t even notice it anymore. And yet, it informs how you carry yourself, the decisions you make, and the risks you’re willing to take.
When you treat yourself with respect on the inside, you’ll naturally carry yourself with more assurance on the outside.
6. Avoiding Vulnerability
“Vulnerability is weakness.” That myth has stopped many men from seeking close friendships, healthy romantic relationships, or the freedom to truly be themselves.
In reality, hiding behind a stoic front can lead to isolation, which stalls personal growth. As Brené Brown, whose research is highly regarded here at Blog Herald, has said:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Recognizing your vulnerabilities allows you to transform them into strengths. Whether it’s opening up to a friend about a career fear or discussing your uncertainties in therapy, the ability to be vulnerable paves the way for breakthroughs.
7. Dodging Difficult Conversations
Finally, let’s talk about uncomfortable chats.
Confronting a roommate about unpaid bills, telling a boss you feel undervalued, or letting a partner know you’re feeling disconnected—these aren’t fun conversations. But avoiding them only leads to unresolved tension and, in many cases, long-term resentment.
When men sidestep tough discussions, they often stay in stagnant situations, unable to move forward.
Addressing issues head-on takes courage, yes, but it’s also a powerful way to demonstrate self-respect. Whether you’re negotiating a raise or clarifying boundaries with a friend, being direct can reshape your self-perception and your relationships for the better.
The bottom line
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these habits, remember that awareness is the first step to change. None of these patterns are permanent, and all of them can be adjusted with the right mindset and support system.
Also keep in mind that personal growth is a journey, not an instant fix. Give yourself grace along the way.
And if you need an extra boost, don’t hesitate to talk to someone—whether it’s a therapist, a close friend, or a mentor. We all stumble sometimes; what matters is taking the step to get back up and keep moving forward.
