Maintaining open and respectful communication with your children becomes increasingly important as they grow older. However, certain habits can unintentionally create distance, making it harder for them to truly listen and engage with you.
By letting go of these behaviors, you can foster a relationship built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.
Here are seven habits to say goodbye to if you want your children to listen to you as they grow older—how many of these are you ready to leave behind?
1) Constant nagging
In many households, nagging is as common as morning coffee but it’s one habit that needs to go if you want your children to listen to you as they grow older.
Often, we resort to nagging when our children don’t meet our expectations.
We believe that by constantly reminding them of their responsibilities, they’ll finally fall in line but all it does is create a rift between us and them.
Here’s the thing though: Nagging pushes children away.
It makes them feel like they are not trusted and that their judgement isn’t valued.
Instead, consider open communication; speak clearly and directly about your expectations and the consequences of not meeting those—and give them a chance to express their views too.
Nagging might yield temporary compliance, but open communication fosters understanding and respect—key ingredients to making them listen as they grow older.
2) Talking down
I can still remember the time when my daughter was trying to assemble a toy.
I instantly jumped in to tell her that she was doing it all wrong.
She looked at me, her eyes filled with disappointment, and said, “You never let me do things my way.”
That moment hit me hard: It made me realize that I was guilty of talking down to her, without even realizing it.
When we talk down to our children, we make them feel small and incapable.
We take away their confidence and curiosity, which can be detrimental in their formative years.
Instead, I started guiding her through the process, asking her questions, and giving her the chance to figure things out on her own.
The change was remarkable: She started opening up more, sharing her thoughts and ideas with me!
Talking down is an easy trap to fall into, but by being conscious of it, we can replace it with supportive guidance.
3) Not practicing active listening
It might surprise you to know that children are great mimics.
They observe and copy our behaviors, mannerisms, and even our listening habits.
Active listening is more than just hearing the words being spoken.
It requires full attention, understanding the message, and providing thoughtful responses.
If we don’t practice active listening with our children, how can we expect them to listen to us?
When we actively listen, we show our children that their words have value.
This encourages them to speak up more and also to return the favor by listening when we speak.
Active listening can be a game-changer in your communication with your children.
4) Being inconsistent
Inconsistency can be quite confusing for children.
One day, you’re strict about bedtime, the next day, it’s okay to stay up late.
This sends mixed messages and makes it harder for them to understand what is expected of them.
Consistency provides a sense of security and predictability for children.
When the rules and consequences are clear and consistent, children know what to expect.
This helps them make better decisions and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions.
Being consistent also means that we, as parents, have to follow through with what we say.
If we promise a consequence for a certain behavior, we should stick to it.
Likewise, if we promise a reward for good behavior, we should deliver—our actions speak louder than our words.
5) Not admitting when you’re wrong
I remember a time when I wrongly blamed my son for breaking a vase—later, I found out it was the cat.
Instead of brushing it under the rug, I sat him down, apologized and admitted my mistake.
Admitting when you’re wrong is a tough pill to swallow.
It’s easier to stick to our guns and insist we’re right, but this can be damaging in the long run.
When we admit our mistakes to our children, we’re teaching them a valuable lesson: it’s okay to be wrong and it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.
This not only builds their trust in us but also encourages them to be open about their own mistakes.
Our children will respect us more if we’re honest about our shortcomings and willing to make amends. After all, they’ll understand that nobody is perfect, and that includes their parents.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
It’s natural to want to shield our children from the harsh realities of life.
We might shy away from discussing topics like failure, death, or other sensitive issues, but avoiding these conversations can do more harm than good.
By not addressing difficult subjects, we leave our children ill-equipped to deal with them when they inevitably arise.
Instead of shying away, use these moments as opportunities to guide your children and help them understand.
Of course, it’s important to discuss these issues in an age-appropriate manner.
The idea is not to scare them but to prepare them.
7) Not giving them a voice
The most crucial habit to let go of, if you want your children to listen to you as they get older, is not giving them a voice.
Children need to feel heard and understood—they need to know that their opinions matter.
When we dismiss our children’s opinions or feelings, we push them away.
They feel unimportant and unheard, leading them to stop sharing with us altogether.
Instead, encourage open dialogue by asking them for their thoughts and feelings, and value their input.
This will make them feel respected and valued.
By giving your children a voice, you’re fostering a relationship of mutual respect and understanding.
When they feel heard and respected, they’re more likely to listen to you in return.
Final thoughts: It’s all about respect
At the heart of every parent-child relationship lies a fundamental element: respect.
Respect is not about being submissive or agreeing with everything.
It’s about acknowledging and understanding each other’s feelings, opinions, and decisions.
The Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung once said, “Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.”
Our actions, our attitudes, how we treat them and others – these are the things our children absorb.
They learn from us, not just by what we say, but more importantly, by what we do.
If we want our children to listen to us as they grow older, we must first show them that we respect their voice, their autonomy, their individuality—we must let go of habits that undermine this respect.
As you reflect on your own parenting habits, remember—it’s not about control, but about respect and guiding them to be their best while respecting them for who they are!
