I think it’s fair to say that we all dream of having a close, respectful relationship with our kids as they grow older.
But here’s the truth: the habits we form today can make or break that connection in the future.
Some behaviors—though well-intentioned—can unintentionally create distance or even damage the respect we hope to earn from our children.
The good news? It’s never too late to recognize these habits and make changes that will strengthen your bond.
Today, we’ll uncover seven common habits that might be holding you back and why saying goodbye to them is key to building lasting mutual respect with your child.
Ready to dive in? Let’s get started!
1) Being inconsistent
Consistency is key when it comes to earning respect, especially from your children.
Young minds are constantly observing and learning. They notice when your actions don’t align with your words, and it can confuse them.
For instance, you tell your child not to lie. But then they catch you lying about why you can’t attend a social event. What message does that send?
It says that it’s okay to lie when it suits you. And that’s not the lesson you want to teach.
Your actions should match your words. Demonstrate the values you want your child to adopt, and they’ll respect you for walking the talk.
2) Losing your temper
We’re all human, and we all lose our cool from time to time. But as a parent, it’s crucial to manage your emotions effectively.
I remember a time when my daughter had accidentally spilled her milk all over the new couch. My initial reaction was a rush of anger. But then, I realized my reaction would teach her more about handling mistakes and emotions than any lecture could.
So, instead of yelling, I took a deep breath, acknowledged the mistake, and together we cleaned up the mess.
By managing my temper, I showed her that mistakes happen and it’s more important to find solutions rather than reacting impulsively.
Losing your temper can frighten your child and slowly chip away at their respect for you. If you want your child to respect you as they get older, make a habit of managing your emotions effectively.
3) Spending too much time on your devices
This is one that wasn’t an issue when I was raising my kids(I’m a little too old for it to have been), but I definitely see it as a challenge with my grandkids—and let me tell you, it’s a big one.
Why is this such a problem?
Well, first of all, as the old saying goes, “monkey see, monkey do.” If kids see you constantly glued to your phone or tablet, they’ll learn to prioritize screens over real-life interactions.
But it goes even deeper than that.
Researchers have found that the regular disruption of face-to-face interactions between parents and children due to screen time can negatively impact a child’s mental health, family relationships, and cognitive development.
It makes sense when we think about it: when we’re on our devices, we’re not fully present. And kids pick up on that. They might feel unimportant or dismissed, even if that’s not our intention.
4) Disrespecting your child’s boundaries
This is a big one.
Respect begets respect. If you want your child to respect you, it’s important that you respect them first – and that includes respecting their boundaries.
Children, like adults, have a personal space and comfort zone. If you constantly invade their privacy, go through their personal belongings or dismiss their feelings, it sends a message that their personal boundaries aren’t important.
By doing so, you are also inadvertently teaching them that it’s okay to disrespect others’ boundaries.
5) Not admitting when you’re wrong
As parents, I think we have this tendency to feel like we always have to be right. After all, we’re the adults, the ones responsible for guiding and protecting our kids.
And early on, I’d say that unwavering confidence can actually be beneficial—young children need to feel secure knowing that their parents are steady and in control.
But as kids grow older, holding on to the “I’m never wrong” mentality can backfire. Children aren’t stupid—they notice when you’ve made a mistake or handled something poorly. And when you refuse to acknowledge it, you risk teaching them that admitting fault is a sign of weakness.
On the flip side, when you own up to your mistakes, it shows humility, accountability, and respect for their intelligence. It also models how to handle mistakes with grace, an invaluable life skill.
So the next time you realize you’ve overreacted, misunderstood, or made a poor choice, don’t be afraid to say, “I got that wrong, and I’m sorry.” It’s a powerful way to build mutual respect and deepen your connection with your child.
6) Neglecting self-care
This is one I know all too well as a father trying to do his best.
There was a time when I used to put everyone else’s needs before my own. I thought that was what good parents do—skip meals, ignore my exercise routine, and barely get enough sleep.
But over time, this habit started taking a toll. My health suffered, my energy levels dropped, and I found myself feeling irritable and short-tempered, which wasn’t fair to my family—or to me.
Little did I know at the time (or perhaps it wasn’t researched yet), this is actually well backed up by experts. For instance, the folks at Psych Central note that neglecting self-care is associated with less patience with your children.
Eventually, I realized something crucial: taking care of myself wasn’t selfish; it was necessary. When I started eating properly, exercising regularly, and getting more sleep, I was more present, patient, and emotionally available for my kids.
Here’s the thing—children might not always notice or appreciate the sacrifices you make behind the scenes, but they do notice when you’re happy, calm, and engaged. That’s what they remember, and that’s what truly strengthens your bond.
7) Avoiding difficult conversations
Life is full of difficult conversations, and there’s no point in avoiding them.
Whether it’s talks about puberty, bullying, failure, or death, these are discussions that your child needs to have with you.
Avoiding tough conversations might seem like the easy way out. But in reality, it only leaves your child feeling confused and unprepared to face life’s challenges.
If you truly want your child to respect you as they grow older, it’s important to create an open line of communication where they feel comfortable discussing anything with you. Show them that you’re there to guide them through all aspects of life, not just the easy parts.
The Bottom Line
Building a strong, respectful relationship with your child takes effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow alongside them.
By recognizing and letting go of these habits, you’re not just earning their respect—you’re also teaching them valuable lessons about relationships, communication, and mutual care.
And it’s never too late to make positive changes. Your actions today can pave the way for a closer, more meaningful bond with your child as they grow.
You’ve got this!
