There’s a subtle yet significant shift that happens as children grow older.
Parents, consciously or unconsciously, start to create a distance. It’s an intricate dance of letting go and holding on.
Now, this doesn’t mean these parents don’t love their children.
It’s just that their parenting style evolves as their children mature. They do certain things differently, which may seem like they are distancing themselves.
Let’s talk about these habits. The 8 habits of parents who distance themselves from their children as they grow older.
Here in this article, I’m going to take you through the various ways parents change their approach as their kids grow up.
And remember, it’s not about being distant in a cold or unloving way. It’s about empowering your children to become independent adults, while still maintaining that crucial parental connection.
So buckle up and let’s dive into these habits together!
1) Less interference
As kids grow older, they find their own footing and begin to navigate life independently. This is where parents, in their wisdom, take a step back. They start to interfere less in their kids’ day-to-day affairs.
Now, this doesn’t mean they abandon their kids or don’t care about their well-being. Far from it.
It’s just that they understand the importance of giving their children the space to make decisions, learn from their mistakes, and become self-sufficient.
You see, it’s not about being distant, but rather about allowing their child to grow into their unique individuality. It’s about giving them the freedom to explore life without constant parental supervision.
So while it might seem like these parents are distancing themselves, in reality, they’re simply adapting to their child’s changing needs and maturity.
After all, isn’t parenting all about preparing our kids for the world?
2) Encouraging independence
I remember when my daughter turned 16. She had just gotten her driver’s license and was beyond excited to take her first solo drive.
As a parent, of course, I was a bundle of nerves.
I had spent years driving her to school, to her soccer practices, and everywhere else. The thought of her driving on her own was scary.
But I also knew that it was an important step towards independence.
So, I took a deep breath and handed over the car keys. I watched as she drove off, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness.
It felt like I was losing her a little. But at the same time, I knew that giving her this freedom was essential for her growth.
This is another habit parents develop as their children get older – encouraging independence.
It might seem like they’re distancing themselves, but in reality, they’re laying the groundwork for their children to become self-reliant adults.
3) Reducing Parent-Child Activities
Did you know that the average amount of time parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children is just 3.5 minutes per week?
That’s less than 30 seconds a day!
As children grow older, parents often reduce the time spent on parent-child activities.
This isn’t a sign of neglect or distancing, but a natural progression. Teenagers, for instance, prefer spending time with their peers, exploring their interests, and asserting their independence.
Parents recognize this shift and adjust accordingly.
They reduce family outings, game nights, or movie marathons to give their children the space they need to grow and form relationships outside the family.
This change may seem like a distancing act, but it’s actually a supportive move to nurture their child’s social and emotional development.
4) Fostering Responsibility
As children mature, parents gradually pass on more responsibilities to them. This might start with small tasks like doing their own laundry or preparing a simple meal.
Eventually, it extends to bigger responsibilities like managing their time, handling money, or making important decisions.
This shift can sometimes be mistaken for parents distancing themselves. But in reality, it’s a deliberate strategy to help children become self-reliant and responsible adults.
By entrusting their children with responsibilities, parents are giving them a chance to learn valuable life skills. It’s a vote of confidence in their abilities, a subtle way of saying, “I believe you can handle this.”
So while it may appear as if they’re stepping back, they’re actually stepping up their parenting game by preparing their kids for the real world.
5) Embracing Silence
As children grow, the house that was once filled with incessant chatter and laughter may become quieter. Parents may find themselves having fewer conversations, and at times, even embracing silence.
Now, this might seem like a clear sign of distancing, but it’s often more complex than that.
As our children mature, their lives become filled with experiences and emotions that they might not always feel ready to share. And as parents, we must respect this silence.
It’s not about creating a chasm of communication but about giving them the space to process their thoughts and feelings. It’s about letting them know that when they’re ready to talk, we are here to listen.
So even in the quiet moments when words seem scarce, remember that love doesn’t need constant conversation to validate its existence.
Sometimes, it’s simply about being there – present and ready to listen whenever they’re ready to speak.
6) Letting Go of Control
When my son turned 18, he announced that he wanted to take a gap year before starting college.
He wanted to travel, explore, and figure out his own path. As a parent who always valued education, this was a tough pill to swallow.
Letting go of control is one of the hardest habits parents have to develop as their children grow older. We want to protect them from making mistakes and guide them towards what we believe is best.
But sometimes, what’s best for them is to make their own decisions and learn from their own experiences.
So, instead of insisting on him going straight to college, I took a step back. I let him make his own choice and supported him in it.
It was scary, but it was also incredibly rewarding to see him grow and learn during that year.
Letting go doesn’t mean you’re distancing yourself.
It means you’re trusting your child to take control of their life and make their own decisions. It’s about respecting their autonomy and supporting their journey towards adulthood.
7) Shifting Conversations
As children grow older, the nature of conversations with parents often shifts.
Instead of discussions about school projects or weekend plans, conversations may revolve around more mature topics like relationships, career choices, or current events.
This shift can sometimes be mistaken for parents distancing themselves. But it’s actually a sign of respect for their child’s growing intellect and perspective. It’s about treating them as young adults rather than kids.
These mature conversations can help strengthen the parent-child bond. They show children that their parents value their opinions and trust them to engage in thoughtful dialogue.
So while it might seem like a distancing tactic, this shift in conversational topics is actually a way of drawing closer to their maturing child.
8) Offering Support, Not Solutions
There comes a point in every parent’s journey when they realize that their role is no longer to solve their child’s problems but to support them as they find their own solutions.
This shift can be challenging. It’s natural for parents to want to step in and fix things for their child. But as they grow older, it becomes crucial to resist this urge.
Instead of offering solutions, parents start providing a safe space for their child to express their feelings and thoughts. They become listeners and cheerleaders, helping their child navigate life’s ups and downs.
Remember, this isn’t about distancing. It’s about empowering your child to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.
It’s about trusting in the strong foundation you’ve built and believing in your child’s ability to build upon it.
Reflecting on the Journey
Parenting is a journey of constant evolution. As our children grow and mature, so must our approach to parenting.
The subtle shift in habits, from offering a guiding hand to taking a step back, may seem like distancing.
But it’s more about respect for the emerging adult in front of us. It’s about nurturing their independence, fostering their responsibility, and supporting their growth.
A quote by Elizabeth Stone captures this beautifully: “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Parents who seem to distance themselves are not withdrawing their love or concern. They’re simply allowing their heart – their child – to walk a little further away, to explore, learn, and grow.
As we reflect on these habits, it’s essential to remember that each parenting journey is unique.
What matters is the love, respect, and support that underscores every decision we make as parents.
