There’s a fine line between being true to oneself and unintentionally pushing people away.
As a relationship expert and the founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen it all. And trust me, sometimes we do things that push people away without even realizing it.
In this article, we’ll explore eight behaviors that could be causing a rift in your relationships. These aren’t just my musings – they’re based on years of experience in the field.
Remember, understanding is the first step to improvement. So let’s dive in and see if any of these behaviors ring a bell. No judgement here, just a helping hand from your relationship guru, Tina Fey.
1) Over-communicating
Often, we believe that communication is the key to a successful relationship. While this is true, there is such a thing as over-communicating.
As a relationship expert, I’ve observed that constantly talking or messaging someone can feel overwhelming for them. It can give them the feeling that they’re being monitored or smothered.
We all need space to breathe and grow. And too much communication can rob people of this essential freedom.
Before you hit send on that fifth message of the day, ask yourself: Is this necessary? Or am I just filling up their inbox – and their mental space?
Sometimes less is more. And giving people room to miss you can actually strengthen your bond.
Keep this in mind next time you’re tempted to text again without a reply. You might just be pushing them away without even realizing it.
2) Neglecting to listen
In my early days as a relationship counselor, I recall a quote from the great Stephen R. Covey, the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.
He said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
And boy, was he right!
One behavior that can unintentionally push people away is not truly listening when they’re talking.
We often get so wrapped up in our own thoughts and what we’re going to say next that we miss what’s being said to us.
People want to be heard and understood. When we fail to give them this basic courtesy, it can feel dismissive and disrespectful.
Next time you’re in a conversation, try to genuinely listen. Not only will it make the other person feel valued, but you may learn something new too.
After all, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
3) Being overly dependent
As a relationship expert, and from my own personal experiences, I’ve learned that codependency can be a silent relationship killer.
When we’re overly dependent on someone for our happiness or self-worth, it can feel like a burden to them.
People are attracted to confidence, and being self-assured is a sign of emotional maturity.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into understanding and overcoming this behavior.
You see, it’s crucial to find happiness within yourself before seeking it from others.
When you’re content with who you are, you naturally attract others with your positivity.
Work on yourself first. Develop your own hobbies, pursue your passions, and build your self-esteem.
You’re already complete as you are. You don’t need someone else to fill any gaps – because there aren’t any!
4) Always being the ‘yes’ person
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, aren’t we supposed to be agreeable and accommodating to maintain harmonious relationships?
Well, not always.
Being the ‘yes’ person – always agreeing and never asserting your own needs or boundaries – can actually push people away. It might make you come across as a doormat, or worse, insincere.
While it’s important to be flexible and compromise in relationships, it’s equally important to stand your ground when it matters. People respect those who respect themselves.
Whenever you’re tempted to nod along just for the sake of peace, remember that it’s okay to say no sometimes.
And honestly, people might respect you more for it.
5) Taking, not giving
Let me share a little story from my own life. I once had a friend who always seemed to be taking – borrowing things, asking for favors, needing support – but seldom giving back.
Over time, it felt draining, and I found myself pulling away.
In any relationship, there needs to be a balance of give and take. If you’re always on the receiving end but rarely giving, it can make people feel used or unappreciated.
Reciprocation doesn’t mean keeping a scorecard. It’s about showing appreciation, returning favors when you can, and being there for them when they need you.
If you find that you’re constantly asking but not offering, it might be time to reassess your actions.
After all, relationships are a two-way street.
6) Pretending to be someone you’re not
Here’s some raw, honest truth: pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting and, frankly, unnecessary.
We often put on masks, trying to be the person we think others want us to be.
But in reality, this facade can push people away. It’s hard to connect with someone who isn’t being authentic.
The most beautiful relationships are formed when we are our true, vulnerable selves.
People are drawn to authenticity because it’s real and relatable.
Don’t be afraid to be you. Your quirks, your flaws, your passions – these are the things that make you unique.
And trust me, the right people will love you for it.
7) Being overly critical
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how being overly critical can erode relationships over time. And I’ve experienced it firsthand, too.
Criticism, when not constructive, can make people feel inadequate and unappreciated.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Before you point out a flaw or mistake, think about how it might make the other person feel. Is there a kinder, more constructive way to express your concerns?
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. A little understanding goes a long way in building stronger, healthier relationships.
8) Holding onto grudges
Here’s some raw honesty for you: holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
Harboring resentment not only pushes people away, but it also harms your own emotional wellbeing.
No one wants to be around someone who constantly brings up past wrongs and can’t let things go.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook; it’s about setting yourself free from the burden of resentment.
Let go of old grudges. Stop reliving past hurts. Instead, focus on the future and how you can make it better.
Because ultimately, you deserve peace more than you need to be right.
Conclusion
So there you have it – eight behaviors that might be pushing people away without you even knowing it.
The truth is, we all have room for improvement. And recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards healthier, happier relationships.
If you found value in this article, you might appreciate my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
It’s a deep dive into how we can maintain our individuality while sharing a life with someone else.
Relationships are about mutual respect, understanding, and love.
Let’s strive for that. Here’s to healthier connections and being the best versions of ourselves.
