I think we’ve all been there: You meet someone new and within moments, you find yourself thinking, “I really like their vibe.” Sometimes it’s the way they immediately put you at ease; other times, it’s something in their tone or even their confident-yet-compassionate eye contact that draws you in.
Often, that “it factor” is emotional intelligence.
As a psychologist (and a human who’s as fascinated by first impressions as anyone else), I’ve noticed you don’t need a full conversation to pick up on these cues.
In fact, most of the time you can catch them within the first five minutes of meeting someone if you know the signs to look out for. What signs?
Well, these ones of course.
1. They make you feel seen and heard
Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought, “Wow, they actually listened!”?
That’s a hallmark sign of emotional intelligence. From the get-go, emotionally intelligent people pay genuine attention. They look at you—not over your shoulder, searching for someone more interesting—and respond in a way that shows they understand what you’re saying.
This might show up in small gestures, like nodding, maintaining soft eye contact, or asking follow-up questions.
Instead of offering quick solutions or redirecting the spotlight onto themselves, they give you space to finish your thought. They’re comfortable with a moment of silence if it helps you articulate yourself better.
This doesn’t mean they never talk about themselves. It just means they balance their own stories with a real interest in yours.
2. They use affirming (but not over-the-top) body language
Ever notice how some people seem to lean in just a bit when you’re talking, or keep their shoulders squared and relaxed instead of fidgeting around?
Body language can speak volumes about a person’s level of self-awareness and empathy.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post how certain habits—like negative self-talk or constant apologies—can undermine one’s presence in social situations. Emotionally intelligent people tend to do the opposite: they use open, relaxed postures. They know their personal space and respect yours.
Their presence says, “I’m here, and I’m comfortable in this moment with you.”
If you spot someone who effortlessly gives you a gentle smile, maintains a welcoming posture, and mirrors your expressions in a subtle way (like nodding when you nod), chances are you’re dealing with someone who’s aware of their emotions and attuned to yours.
3. They’re comfortable enough to show a bit of vulnerability
It’s easy to think that emotional intelligence is all about being super Zen and never showing an ounce of anxiety or stress. But in my experience, one of the clearest signs of true emotional awareness is the ability to be real, even if it means showing a hint of vulnerability.
What do I mean by this?
Well, they might mention something mildly embarrassing that happened to them that day or laugh about how they almost spilled their coffee in the elevator. They won’t throw themselves a pity party—or overshare personal traumas five minutes into meeting you—but they’re not afraid to acknowledge small things that reveal their humanity.
It might seem odd to show vulnerability so early in a conversation but it’s actually the perfect sign that someone is at peace with who they are.
They’ve got enough self-esteem to admit they’re human—no big deal.They know that as Brené Brown put it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”
4. They express genuine curiosity about your perspective
“How did you get into that field?” “That’s interesting—tell me more.” “What’s your take on it?”
Ever hear these kinds of questions from someone you just met?
In many social interactions, people tend to keep the conversation afloat by staying in safe territory—typical questions about the weather or what you do for a living.
But emotionally intelligent folks often go beyond the surface. They pick up on the subtle details in your answers—maybe how your eyes light up when you talk about your favorite hobby—and ask you to elaborate.
5. They know how to keep the conversation balanced
Finally, one more sign you can spot in just a few minutes is balance.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t dominate the chat, nor do they clam up entirely. They seem to have a natural radar for the flow of conversation.
If you start telling a story, they give you the floor. When they respond, it’s succinct but meaningful, and then they nudge the spotlight right back to you or to a mutual topic of interest.
This balance also extends to how they respond to cues. For instance, if they sense you’re uncomfortable with a question, they gracefully pivot to a different angle. If they realize you’re super excited about something, they give you room to express that excitement without rushing you along.
The bottom line
Spotting emotional intelligence is easier than you might think—often, all it takes is five minutes of paying close attention to the little things.
From genuine listening and open body language to a dash of vulnerability and curiosity, these signs reveal who’s mastered the art of understanding both themselves and the person in front of them.
If you’re looking to cultivate these traits in yourself, remember that self-awareness is always the first step. Notice how you feel around new people, observe your own body language, and try to recognize moments where your curiosity can shine through.
Like anything worth doing, though, developing emotional intelligence is a process. The people who inspire you in the first five minutes didn’t get there overnight. They practiced, reflected, and stayed open to learning about themselves.
And if that’s not a great blueprint for living, I don’t know what is.
