When someone interrupts you mid-sentence, it’s pretty clear they’re not really listening. When someone constantly talks about themselves, it’s a safe bet they’re not tuned into your feelings.
That’s the basics of low emotional intelligence in conversation.
But, it’s not always as straightforward as that. The human psyche is a tricky maze and sometimes, people with low emotional intelligence often make conversational blunders without even realizing it.
I’ve identified 8 common mistakes these individuals tend to make. Let’s dive in and explore them together, shall we?
1) Dominating the conversation
Ever been in a conversation that felt more like a monologue?
One common trait of individuals with low emotional intelligence is their tendency to dominate conversations. They talk and talk, often about themselves, without giving others a chance to contribute.
The thing is, they may not even realize they’re doing it. They’re so engrossed in their own thoughts and stories that they fail to notice the subtle cues from others – the bored expressions, the lack of engagement, even the attempts to interject.
Conversation is a two-way street. But for those with low emotional intelligence, it often becomes a one-way expressway – with them at the wheel.
Sure, it’s important to express yourself. But remember, it’s equally important to listen. After all, isn’t that what conversations are all about?
2) Misreading social cues
I’ll never forget this one evening at a friend’s birthday party. There was this guy, let’s call him Bob. Now, Bob was the life of the party – always cracking jokes and telling wild stories.
But things took an awkward turn when Bob started making jokes about a recent breakup. The rest of us were cringing, exchanging uncomfortable glances. But Bob, he just kept going, oblivious to our reactions.
You see, people with low emotional intelligence often struggle to pick up on social cues – the subtle signs that indicate how others are feeling. They may continue on a sensitive topic long after it’s become clear that it’s making others uncomfortable.
It’s not necessarily that they’re insensitive. They just don’t notice the shift in mood, the awkward silence, the change in body language. And that can lead to some very awkward situations, as I learned that night at the party.
3) Overreacting to criticism
Did you know that the amygdala, a part of our brain responsible for emotional responses, can become overly active when we receive negative feedback? This can cause us to react too strongly, making a mountain out of a molehill.
For individuals with low emotional intelligence, criticism can feel like a personal attack rather than constructive feedback. They might become defensive, argumentative, or even hostile when faced with criticism.
This overreaction can make it difficult to maintain healthy conversations and relationships. After all, no one likes to walk on eggshells around someone who blows up at the slightest hint of criticism.
It’s essential to understand that criticism, when delivered constructively, is an opportunity for growth and improvement, not a personal attack.
4) Struggling to express emotions
Ever tried to open a soda can that’s been shaken up? It’s a mess, right? For people with low emotional intelligence, expressing their emotions can feel a lot like that.
They might struggle to put their feelings into words or avoid discussing their emotions entirely. This can create a pressure cooker situation, where suppressed emotions build up until they explode – often at the most inopportune moments.
In conversation, this might manifest as sudden outbursts of anger or frustration, or even unexpected bouts of sadness. It can be jarring for those on the receiving end, creating confusion and potentially damaging relationships.
Learning to express emotions in a healthy and constructive way is key to maintaining balance, both within ourselves and in our interactions with others.
5) Lack of empathy
I’ve noticed that in some conversations, people tend to focus solely on their point of view. They don’t make an effort to understand where the other person is coming from, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
This lack of empathy is another common characteristic of people with low emotional intelligence. They struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes or to understand their feelings and perspectives.
I believe that empathy is the cornerstone of any healthy conversation. Without it, we’re just talking at each other, not with each other.
Being able to understand and share the feelings of others not only fosters better communication but also helps in building stronger, more meaningful relationships.
6) Avoidance of emotionally charged topics
While it might seem logical to steer clear of emotionally charged topics in conversation, doing so can actually be a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Individuals with low EQ often avoid discussing emotions, both their own and others. They might change the subject or make light of serious matters to keep the conversation on safe ground.
But by doing so, they’re missing out on opportunities for genuine connection and understanding.
Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, triumphs and struggles. By shying away from these realities in conversation, we limit our capacity to connect with others on a deeper level.
True mastery of communication lies in navigating these emotional waters with grace and understanding, not in avoiding them.
7) Over-reliance on logic
People with low emotional intelligence often lean heavily on logic in conversations. They might dismiss emotions as irrational or unimportant, focusing instead on facts and figures.
But here’s the thing: emotions are a vital part of our human experience. They’re not just fluff – they’re an integral part of how we perceive the world, how we make decisions, and how we connect with others.
A conversation that’s all logic and no heart can feel cold and impersonal. It lacks the warmth and connection that comes from acknowledging and valuing each other’s feelings.
Balancing logic with emotion is key to engaging, meaningful conversations. After all, we’re not robots – we’re wonderfully complex, emotional beings.
8) Ignoring their own emotions
Perhaps the most significant indicator of low emotional intelligence is a disregard for one’s own feelings. People with low EQ often ignore or suppress their emotions, treating them as inconveniences rather than valuable insights.
In truth, our emotions are like a compass, guiding us towards what matters to us, what makes us happy, and what needs to change in our lives.
By ignoring this internal guidance system, we’re essentially flying blind, making it near impossible to navigate our relationships effectively.
Recognizing and understanding our own emotions is the first step towards developing emotional intelligence. It’s only when we’re in tune with ourselves that we can truly connect with others.
Embrace the journey of emotional growth
As we conclude this exploration of low emotional intelligence in conversations, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, we’re all human. We all make mistakes, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and we’re all capable of growth and change.
Recognizing these eight signs in ourselves or others isn’t about judgment or condemnation. It’s about understanding. It’s about recognizing where we might be falling short and finding ways to improve.
Remember the wise words of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
If you’ve noticed any of these traits in yourself, don’t despair. Emotional intelligence isn’t fixed. It can be developed and nurtured.
So let’s embrace this journey towards greater emotional intelligence with open hearts and open minds. Because when we do, we’re not just improving our conversations – we’re improving ourselves and our relationships with those around us.
