Remember the old adage, “Nice guys finish last?” Well, it seems there’s a hint of truth in it.
Being nice isn’t always a virtue, especially if it’s at the expense of your own needs and well-being. It can be draining to constantly accommodate everyone else while neglecting yourself. But here’s the kicker.
The solution isn’t to be rude or unkind, but to be assertive. And believe it or not, this doesn’t mean you have to become an entirely different person overnight.
What if I told you that becoming more assertive could be as simple as adopting a few small habits? Habits that could potentially change your life for the better?
Intrigued yet?
Let’s explore these seven little habits adopted by people who stop being nice and start asserting themselves. They’ll help you strike the perfect balance between considering others and prioritizing your own needs.
And remember, it’s about being assertive, not aggressive. There’s a difference.
1. They value their time
Time is one of the most precious commodities we have.
People who are assertive understand this. They know their time is valuable, and they aren’t afraid to treat it as such.
No longer do they say yes to every request or invitation that comes their way. Instead, they assess whether it’s worth their time, whether it aligns with their priorities.
They’ve mastered the art of saying no without feeling guilty. It’s not about being selfish, but about respecting their own time and energy.
This doesn’t mean they don’t help others or spend time with friends. But when they do, it’s because they genuinely want to, not because they feel obligated.
2. They express their feelings openly
Hiding or suppressing your feelings? That’s a trait commonly found in people who are overly nice.
Assertive individuals, on the other hand, aren’t afraid to express their feelings.
They understand that it’s healthy and necessary to communicate honestly about how they feel.
Here’s an example from my own life.
I used to be someone who would bottle up my feelings, especially when I was upset or annoyed.
I didn’t want to rock the boat or risk a confrontation. But over time, I realized this was causing more harm than good.
One day, I had a disagreement with a close friend. Instead of keeping my feelings to myself as I normally would, I decided to voice my concerns.
I was honest about how her actions had hurt me, but also made sure to listen and understand her side of the story.
Surprisingly, not only did the world not end, but our friendship actually grew stronger through this open and honest communication.
Now, I strive to express my feelings openly (and respectfully) in all my relationships. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
3. They prioritize self-care
Self-care. It’s a buzzword these days, isn’t it?
But for people who’ve made the switch from being nice to being assertive, it’s more than just a trendy term. It’s a crucial part of their life.
Why? Because they’ve realized that they can’t pour from an empty cup.
To be able to stand up for themselves, to be assertive, they need to be in a good place mentally and physically.
And that requires taking care of themselves first.
It’s like when you’re on an airplane and the oxygen masks drop. You’re instructed to put on your mask first before helping others.
Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else.
In the same way, assertive individuals understand that to be there for others, they first need to take care of themselves.
So they make time for self-care activities. It could be anything – a morning run, a weekly spa session, or even just curling up with a good book.
The point is, they prioritize their well-being and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
Because at the end of the day, you can’t be a good friend, spouse, parent, or colleague if you’re burned out and depleted.
4. They stand their ground
Assertive people don’t just go with the flow to please others.
They have opinions, beliefs, and values that they hold dear.
And they’re not afraid to stand their ground when these are challenged.
This doesn’t mean they’re stubborn or close-minded. They’re open to hearing other perspectives and engaging in healthy debates.
But when it comes to their core principles, they stand firm.
They’re not swayed by peer pressure or the fear of not fitting in. They understand that it’s okay to disagree, and that everyone has the right to their own beliefs.
More importantly, they respect themselves enough to not compromise on what truly matters to them, even if it might be the unpopular choice.
Because at the end of the day, they’d rather be true to themselves than pretend to be someone they’re not.
5. They communicate clearly and directly
Assertive individuals have mastered the art of clear, direct communication.
It’s not about being blunt or insensitive, but about expressing their thoughts and needs in a straightforward manner.
They avoid beating around the bush or dropping subtle hints, which can often lead to misunderstandings.
Research even suggests that clear and direct communication leads to more effective problem-solving and better relationships.
So, instead of saying, “It would be nice if someone could help with the dishes,” they say, “Can you please help me with the dishes?” It’s simple, straightforward, and leaves no room for confusion.
Assertive people understand that clear communication is key to avoiding unnecessary tension and ensuring that their needs are met.
6. They respect others
Being assertive doesn’t mean disregarding the feelings and needs of others. In fact, quite the opposite.
Assertive individuals have a deep respect for those around them.
They understand that every person is unique, with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
They listen attentively when others speak, showing genuine interest in their perspectives.
They acknowledge the feelings of others, even when they don’t necessarily agree with them.
When they disagree, they do so respectfully, without belittling or dismissing the other person’s viewpoint.
They strive for a win-win situation where both parties feel heard and respected.
They understand that being assertive isn’t about winning an argument or getting their way. It’s about open and respectful communication where everyone’s needs are taken into consideration.
7. They practice assertiveness consistently
Assertiveness isn’t a trait you’re born with or without. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it needs to be practiced consistently to be mastered.
People who’ve transitioned from being overly nice to being assertive didn’t do it overnight.
They took small steps, day by day, practicing assertiveness in different situations.
Maybe they started by saying no to a small request at work, or expressing their feelings in a personal relationship.
Over time, these small acts of assertiveness added up, helping them become more confident and assured in standing up for themselves.
So if you’re looking to become more assertive, remember that it’s a journey. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way. But with consistent practice, you’ll get there.
After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Final thoughts
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these habits, it’s likely you’re on the path to becoming more assertive. Congratulations!
Switching from being overly nice to being assertive isn’t easy. It takes courage, practice, and patience. But remember, it’s a journey, not a destination.
Start small. Practice saying no when it aligns with your priorities. Express your feelings directly and honestly. Stand up for your beliefs.
With time, these small changes can lead to big shifts in your mindset and behavior. They can help you create healthier relationships, where both parties feel heard and respected.
And remember, being assertive doesn’t mean you stop caring for others. It means you start caring for yourself too.
So take the plunge. Begin the journey towards assertiveness today. Your future self will thank you for it.
Because at the end of the day, as Dr. Seuss beautifully said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
