There’s a big gap between being a couple and being a successful one. The key factor? Time spent together.
When couples don’t prioritize their relationship, they often fall into certain detrimental habits.
You see, it’s easy to slip into a routine of prioritizing everything else – work, kids, friends – over your partner.
I’ve seen it happen too often: couples who don’t make time for each other often fall into these bad habits.
And trust me, it’s easy to spot these patterns when you’ve been in the relationship field as long as I have.
In this article, we’ll explore these habits, in the hope that you can avoid them and keep your love life in tip-top shape. Yes, even amidst the chaos of daily life.
1) Neglecting communication
Ironically, in our age of constant connection, communication often falls by the wayside for many couples.
Failing to make time for each other leads to a breakdown in communication. You see, when we’re constantly rushing from one task to another, we don’t take the time to truly connect and communicate with our partners.
And when communication takes a backseat, misunderstandings and assumptions start to rear their ugly heads. It’s like trying to navigate without a map or compass – you’re bound to get lost.
In my years of counseling couples, I’ve found that those who don’t prioritize time together often neglect essential communication. They miss out on sharing their day-to-day experiences, expressing their feelings, and understanding each other’s perspectives.
Remember, open dialogues are the backbone of any successful relationship. When you skip them, you’re setting your relationship up for strain and disconnect.
So if you find yourself not making enough time for your partner, take a moment to assess your communication habits. Are they up to par? If not, it might be time to change things up.
2) Overcompensating with grand gestures
Now, this one might surprise you. Most people think that grand gestures are a sign of a healthy relationship. But, in reality, they can often be a red flag.
When couples don’t spend enough quality time together, they sometimes try to make up for it with big, flashy gestures – think expensive gifts, surprise trips, or extravagant date nights.
While these gestures can be lovely and appreciated, they can also serve as a smoke screen, masking the real issues at hand. They can create an illusion of connection when the day-to-day intimacy is missing.
In my experience, couples who rarely make time for each other often fall into this habit. They try to overcompensate for their lack of one-on-one time with grandiose displays of affection.
But love isn’t measured by the size of your gesture. It’s about the small, daily acts of kindness and care. It’s about being there for each other, even when life gets in the way.
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So remember, if you’re not spending enough time with your partner and resorting to grand gestures to make up for it, it might be an indication that something’s off balance in your relationship.
3) Developing codependent behaviors
Being independent and having personal space is as crucial as spending time together in a relationship. Sometimes, couples who don’t spend enough time together develop a strange paradox – codependency.
Codependency can creep in subtly. You start relying heavily on your partner for emotional support or validation. You might find yourself feeling anxious when they’re not around or overly concerned about their approval.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into the complexities of codependency and how it can harm a relationship.
But here’s the gist: Codependency often stems from not spending quality time together. When you’re not connecting regularly, you might start to feel insecure and over-reliant on your partner.
The key is to find a balance. Spend time together to nurture your connection, but also cultivate your own interests and independence.
It’s this balance that helps you build a healthier, happier relationship.
4) Losing touch with shared interests
When life gets busy, it’s easy to lose sight of the shared interests that brought you together as a couple in the first place.
I’ve observed this in numerous couples. They stop making time for each other and gradually, their shared hobbies and interests take a backseat. And that’s when they start to drift apart.
In the words of the renowned psychologist, Carl Jung, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
The same holds true for relationships. Shared experiences not only bring joy but also deepen your bond and understanding of each other.
When you stop nurturing these shared interests, you hinder your relationship’s growth and transformation.
So take a moment to reflect on your shared hobbies and passions. Are you still making time for them?
If not, it might be time to rekindle those shared interests to help reignite your connection.
5) Ignoring small acts of kindness
Over my years of relationship counseling, I’ve noticed a common trend among couples who don’t spend enough time together – they tend to ignore the small acts of kindness.
Little gestures, like making a cup of coffee for your partner in the morning, leaving sweet notes, or simply expressing gratitude for their presence in your life, can often be more meaningful than grand gestures.
However, when you’re constantly on the go and don’t make time for each other, these small acts of kindness often get overlooked.
And these missed opportunities for connection can add up over time, creating a sense of distance and disconnect in your relationship.
Remember, it’s often the little things that make the biggest difference.
So if you find yourself rushing through your days without taking time to appreciate and express kindness towards your partner, it might be time to slow down and reevaluate your priorities.
6) Forgetting to nurture emotional intimacy
Here’s a truth I’ve come to understand in my journey as a relationship counselor – emotional intimacy is just as crucial, if not more so, than physical intimacy.
When couples fail to make time for each other, they often neglect to nurture their emotional connection. Conversations become more about logistics than sharing thoughts, feelings, or dreams.
As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
In the rush of everyday life, it’s easy to forget to express love, understanding, and emotional support. But these are the very elements that foster emotional intimacy and make a relationship resilient.
So, ensure you’re not just sharing a home, but also your hearts and minds.
And if you want more insights on nurturing emotional intimacy and other relationship advice, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share my latest articles there.
7) Allowing resentment to build
Let’s get real for a moment. When you don’t make time for each other, resentment can start to build.
It might start small – a slight irritation when your partner forgets to do something, a pang of jealousy when they spend time with others. But without addressing these feelings, they can quickly grow into full-blown resentment.
And resentment is a silent killer of relationships. It creates a barrier between you and your partner, preventing you from connecting on a deeper level.
So if you feel that resentment is creeping into your relationship because you’re not spending enough time together, it’s crucial to address it.
Speak openly about your feelings, and work together to find ways to reconnect and rebuild your bond.
Remember, it’s okay to have these feelings. What’s not okay is letting them fester unaddressed.
A healthy relationship requires work, and that includes clearing the air and making sure both partners feel seen and heard.
Reflecting on Our Habits
Peeling back the layers of our relationships, we can often find patterns that we may not have noticed before. Just as our day-to-day actions shape our individual lives, they also shape the dynamics of our relationships.
But the beauty of this realization lies in the fact that once we identify these patterns, we have the power to change them.
As I’ve often said in my counseling sessions, awareness is the first step towards transformation.
For those who feel as though they’re not making enough time for their partner, I hope this article has shed some light on the potential pitfalls that can creep into your relationship.
Remember, it’s never too late to break bad habits and cultivate healthier ones.
If you’re looking for more insights on relationships and personal growth, I highly recommend this video by Justin Brown. He explores the complexities of finding a life partner and reveals his top insights to help you navigate your own journey. It’s an enlightening watch that delves deeper into some of the points we’ve discussed here.

In closing, let’s remember that relationships are not about perfection but about growth, understanding, and mutual support.
As we navigate through life’s challenges together, let’s make a conscious effort to create space for each other and nurture our shared journey.
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